My husband wants more but our daughter has a heart condition and I am afraid that if I had another it would too. We are far from financialy stable. Also I am not sure how my daughter would handle all the crying and attention given to the new baby. I'm I being selfish?
2006-10-03 19:32:11 · 14 answers · asked by steffi 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I understand your fears about health conditions in the second child and also financial implications of having two children - so personally I dont think you are being selfish ... just practical. For some reason the ego of a man feels hurt when you cite financial reasons for not having another child - whenever I tell my husband that maybe one child is good enough and we can concentrate on her and give her everything, he says that he wants 2 kids and he will manage the money somehow.
2006-10-03 19:36:34 · answer #1 · answered by noogney 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO you are not being selfish at all, you're being smart! The key reason is :We are far from financialy stable. If you were to have another child with a medical condition, how would you make it?
Kids are hard work, which im sure you know. If both parents are in agreement, dont do it. My husband would like more kids to have a larger family but we can afford or handle anymore.
If you're not sure about it, dont do it. This isnt a decision you can change if it doesnt work out.
2006-10-04 02:37:26 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good Evening, you did not mention what sort of heart condition in your question.... there are multiple conditions that can be treated and then ones that need constant review... has your daughter have any other contributing factors to this heart condition? Your questions have caused more questions within questions for me. I myself do not think you are being selfish just being aware of what another child and younger sibling would could do to the family structure. Is this condition a genetic condition also... discussion between your partner and you would help and where things could lead. Understanding and respect for each others fears and concerns. I myself had a child with a heart condition with also other contributing medical factors. That is why I asked more questions. I myself have chosen not to have anymore at the time of pregnancy due to the age factor and I had my tubes tied...
Good Luck with your choice and decision.
2006-10-04 07:37:22 · answer #3 · answered by angelkidz3 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your probably still Young and you have many years ahead of you to plan for another child. You are not selfish in any way just smart and being realistic. You need to make sure that your daughter now is stable and concentrate on her needs and I pray for you that she gets better and does well in life. But once you have her taken care of then you can think of another if something was to arise then you will be able to handle it better, or maybe one child is good for your family and there is nothing wrong with that. Just talk it over with your hubby and explain the reason and concerns that you have about have another child now. He will understand. I wish your family the best in everything.
2006-10-04 02:47:22 · answer #4 · answered by medevilqueen 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its good to have these thoughts, your being realistic. I too think the same, I just had a miscarriage 2 months ago and I'm terrified to do it again, fearing another miscarriage. I have 2 sons a 9 and 7 yr. old from my 1st marriage. I just married again and my husband has no children of his own. So I feel I should have a child for him, even though I'm scared. Children adapt to there surroundings, most of them love the idea of a new baby. So I wouldnt worry about your daughter..
2006-10-04 02:50:43 · answer #5 · answered by latinababy72 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm still in the same dilemma myself, I have two daughters but I'm the one with health problems, the idea is that I'm afraid to grow up and not be able to have kids anymore and then I might regret it.
What I'm trying to tell you is try to think that after 20 years from now would you feel o.k just having one child?
Does your daughter need a sister or brother to protect and stand by her when you are older?
Think of your child and decide
I know it is a very hard decision, just follow your heart .
2006-10-04 07:25:27 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Although another child might seem daunting, it can enrich the family in ways you can't imagine. It might have a heart condition, but it might not. Your daughter might relish some of the attention being taken off her. I have 3 kids, the oldest has a disability and he has benefited enormously from having siblings.
But if you really don't want another, don't let your husband pressure you.
2006-10-04 05:29:23 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you already know the answer in your own heart with a child with physical handicaps she needs all your attention right now your being very realistic your husband is being emotional chear up it will work out just do not let him get you pregnant if you are not ready for anouther child either finacially or emotionally that would not be good for a new baby and you know it
2006-10-04 07:46:01 · answer #8 · answered by prissymiss1968 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i dont think your being selfish at all you thinking realistically...i for one think your husband is being selfish. he wants more kids...but isn't taking in all the facts...your feeling, your daughter, and the financial outlook of this...you have a daughter who is ill right now she could be fine one day and very sick the next..she needs you right now so its right for you to focus on that....really with a sick child you dont need another one it would be very stressful....as far as the way your thinking your next might be sick as well..dont think that way a few years from now your daughter could be well...but that thought of another baby being sick might stop you from expanding your family....dont think of it that way think of it like this....each of your child are as different as your finger...not one is the same....now might now be the time but maybe in the future....i also think you should talk this over with your husband...if you have done so it must not of gotten through to him ...just keeping on stressing the point of why you want to hold off on having kids....dont say you dont want anymore just say hold off..so he knows its still a possibility
2006-10-04 02:58:18 · answer #9 · answered by sgtrlopez 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The financial reason is the best one you have given. The one about the attantion given to the baby......all kids survive this and I believe kids who don't have a sibling miss out in many ways. But when it comes down to it it is your choice and you need to be comfortable with your choice. What you choose is the right thing
2006-10-04 04:22:37 · answer #10 · answered by Rachel 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋