ok so ive just recently started dating my BF..... ne ways.... a couple of days ago.... he starts to tell me bout his "FIANCEE" who got killed 2 years ago.... well.... it so happens that all he talks and thinks about her ALLL the time.. i kinda feel left out... but then again... if i my "fiancee" got killed id prolly think bout him all tha time!!! ne ways.... he's like still very "DEVISTATED" over this situation...... I mean yeah... hes always gonna love her!!! but it hurts me to see him sooooo.... sad.... and u know.... im kinda hoping for some "ATTENTION" tooo....so if u have any suggestions that i can do to him -OR- for him that will take his mind off of her it would be greatly appreciated!!!! MUNCHAS GRACIAS!!!
2006-10-03 17:21:26 · 35 answers · asked by Tasha S 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Let him know how you are feeling. He may not even realize what he is doing. The key to a great relationship is communication and honesty. Start now and you could be with him forever. If he still feels that he isn't doing this you may have to sever ties with your fiancee. The reason...You may never be his first thought. And I would have hoped that he had moved on if he had proposed to you after his devastating tragedy. You deserve to be with someone who understands your feelings along with the relationship.
2006-10-03 17:25:33 · answer #1 · answered by deltazeta_mary 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
its very hard to let go of a fiancee and even harder when they die before u do.u have 2-ways going about this,u help him get through it,which will make both of u stronger together.if he lets u in.then maybe he can move on,but he will never give up the memory of her. don't ask him to do that that's very selfish on ur part.the second thing its sad to say but let him go 4 know be a good friend but that's it,you've only been dating 4 few weeks this is very heavy for u too Indore in such a sort time in a relationship.....i wish u the best both of u holla...
2006-10-03 17:43:54 · answer #2 · answered by bigtime 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is not a good sign. For most people (not all) 2 years is enough time to get over someone to the point where they might still think about them, but not talk about them all the time.
How long have you been dating? What does "recently" mean? I would NOT date this man. I feel for the guy but he's damaged goods. You are NOT his therapist. This is not fair to you. Drop him and tell him he should really talk to someone about this. AFter 2 years he shouldn't forget her (he never will) but if he's talking about her all the time then I think he needs help.
Rod
2006-10-03 17:27:29 · answer #3 · answered by thedatepro 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's not ready to be in a relationship obviously. He needs to finish dealing with his feelings before he can be in a healthy relationship. I lost my boyfriend in a car accident 9 years ago, I then went through a lot of unhealthy relationships because I hadnt dealt with the things I needed to. It's been 2years since I have been in a relationship now and I finally after all this time think that I might be ready to settle down and have a healthy relationship.
2006-10-03 17:41:44 · answer #4 · answered by Punky 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
talk to him and let him know how you feel. Tell him that you really understand that he is hurting, but hes got to look in the future and look on what he has now instead of what he doesnt. And ask him if hes really ready to date someone and fall in love right now or if he still needs time. Tell him that he needs to let her go and move on before he can be happy again. You can either wait for him to get over her or you will just have to give him his time and move on with someone else.
2006-10-03 17:27:27 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course he will be upset, but if he is ready to date again then he should love you too. If he doens't want to sleep with you and you do then maybe that is a problem. Just go easy with him, mix a bit to much cooking sherry into his roast and he will lighten up. When you go to bed, kiss him sensuosly, up and down his body. he may feel guilty about moving on from his girlfriend so soon. Just go slowly and make him turned on and he will eventually take the offer. And after that it will get easier and easier for him without feeling so guilty.
2006-10-03 17:32:28 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
anyone would feel for your beau.
two years would seem like a reasonable amount of time to move on, but we're all different.
best thing is to give him total honesty and let him know that you love and care for him and want him to feel wonderful again, but at the same time his constant thinking of his fiancee is causing you some problems. talk candidly and assure him that you are making an effort, but also need for him to make one too.
baggage like this isn't easy to fix, but as with all things there is a way, and time, patience and support will go a long way to helping you two work this out.
you sound like a good person who cares for your man, and i wish you all the best with this.
2006-10-03 17:26:32 · answer #7 · answered by pugsbaby 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is probably never gonna get over it, you should know that. If you are willing to live with it, then go for it, take him to therapy or something. If you are not willing to live with it, the best thing you can do is let him go and look for a person who actually sees you are there. It's not fair to settle with something or someone just because there's no other option. He'll never be happy, 'cause you are not her and you'll never be happy 'cause he'll always think of her. Love shouldn't be like that, you know...
2006-10-03 17:32:16 · answer #8 · answered by Horumaket 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
U can't be in a relationship with 2 people. He needs to let her go. He wants you to understand, and it's not possible when he's talking about her all the time. Tell him that if he wants to keep you in his life, he has to break things off with her, as hard as it may be. Tell him you love him and want to keep him, but when he's stuck in another girl who isn't here anymore, you can't have all of him, and that's just too painful. Ask him to break up with her. Or leave him gently.
2006-10-03 17:33:42 · answer #9 · answered by jennilaine777 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, is this country getting this dumb. What is with the words and spelling, it's like talking to someone from a special needs workshop.
Anyway, he might love you someday, but it will never be like the love he must have had for her so if you can deal with that, then keep dating him, just know that it will probably never change. You were just the next best thing
2006-10-03 17:24:31 · answer #10 · answered by superhomer1221 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋