My mother had a really difficult marriage to my father is is rather traumatized by it. She has had a really hard time coming to terms with it and is still very angry. She has started medicating herself with alcohol and she turns in to just a monster with it. She phoned me up tonight telling me "how dare you want to be with your father if he dies", "you dont love me". She has put me in the middle of this divorce from day one, and now, ten years later is still trying to empty all her negativy toward my father in to me. I stop her as politely as I can when she talks like this and will hang up immediately if she is drunk. I find it so hard to deal with since what she says and does is so hurtful. This has been ongoing for years and I feel I have done an amazing job in dealing with it but man, I am so sick of having to deal with it. She doesnt beleive she needs counselling, she wont go to AA. It is thanksgiving this weekend and I dont even want to look at her. I am tired! Help!?
2006-10-03 16:25:31 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I am a recovering alcoholic/drug addict.Clean & sober 2 1/2 years.I can tell you from experience that she won't seek help until she hits her bottom,whatever that may be.Stop trying to help her and work on helping yourself.I know its not easy to just stop trying to help her, but sometimes addicts don't see it as help,they see it as someone trying to control their lives and it ends up pushing them more into the addiction because they are determined that they "will show you". Try some Alanon meetings,they will help and you will meet people going through similar problems.Good luck!
2006-10-03 17:55:56 · answer #1 · answered by Cathy 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I have the same problem. There is no point in trying to talk some sense into to her when she is drunk. Just hang up. When you talk to her when she is sober and she asks you why (if she remembers) tell her that you have your own problems and don't need hers. If she doesn't remember, (tell her when she's sober) tell her what happened. Ask her not to call you when she's like that. Tell her you don't want to live your life that way. If she gets drunk during family functions, just leave. Maybe she'll get the picture. If not, don't worry yourself anymore. It will get you down. You have to start living your life feeling good about yourself. You wouldn't be able to always caring this around. She is an adult, this is her decision.
2006-10-04 01:35:09 · answer #2 · answered by Tree 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go to an Alanon meeting yourself!
Living with addiction in the family is very stressful.
Alanon will give you support & knowledge necessary to live through these tough times.
Check your local yellow pages. There are Alanon groups in every city.
2006-10-03 23:34:57 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Attend Alanon. Go to at least six meetings before you give up on it. They cannot tell you how to get your mother to sober up, but they can tell you how to live with the situation.
Things may not get better, but you will.
DO NOT hide her booze. Do NOT preach to her. This will only make her worse. All of our normal responses are the wrong thing to do. You are doing the right thing by hanging up on her when she has been drinking---Just tell her to call you back when she is sober.
2006-10-03 23:31:15 · answer #4 · answered by GreenHornet 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
It is very difficult to deal with your scenario and there are many
options which I am sure you have considered. Politely inform
her that if she gets drunk and shows her a** at Thanksgiving
that you are going to film it and then play it for her when she
is sober so that she can realize how hurtfull she is being to those
that she should love..... Grow-up Mom
2006-10-03 23:32:06 · answer #5 · answered by RiverRat 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
maybe try to hide the achol from her.maybe print out some research paper on people who drink and give it to her.stay with her for a couple of days and show her how much she really means to you.
2006-10-03 23:30:55 · answer #6 · answered by trina m 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
to need to go to a meeting to learn how to deal with her do not become a enabler to her
2006-10-03 23:40:53 · answer #7 · answered by just_me_1955 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
help her love her
be there for her. My mom had a simiarly prob. and still does (but not with alchol) i know it takes a lot ton TON TONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN of work but she still needs you.
2006-10-04 01:22:30 · answer #8 · answered by Oi~ 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she needs help! tell your family to help you with the situation!
2006-10-03 23:31:41 · answer #9 · answered by crystal e 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
drink with her
2006-10-03 23:28:03 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋