What is a marriage supposed to be like.?

Question

I have been married for 3 years now and I cant really explain my marriage. I have been away for the better part of our marriage because of being in the military and being deployed. Its good sometimes but I dont know if I should get a divorce because everytime we argue it is brought up. This isnt what I want. I dont want to have this same arguement a few times a month. Its draining and a waste of time. She really thinks she is better than me. Why, I dont know. A college degree doesnt make someone smarter than you. She is smarter than me bookwise and memory but she lacks communication skills and she always says the meanest things to me during an arguement. I dont know whats wrong with her. Does she really think that, that sort of thing is supposed to help the problem. She always has soooo much attitude. Once that happens, I get fired up and try to control myself. I have never hit her but I yell pretty loud. She has even started yelling when I havent even touched her.

Answer 1

You are to be commended for your military service. Thank you. Military life especially in a time of war, can be very stressful on marriages. Keep that in mind. It's hard on the wife, too. Perhaps she was not so prepared to be a military wife. Can you help her?

Based on your limited description, it seems that your wife has issues that you have not addressed. Find out what they are. It will not be a bunch of litte things that she is snapping about. Perhaps she is frustrated over the long periods of loneliness. Try to find out what it is through long calm, nonjudgmental, heart-to-heart talks with her.

Calmness is contagious just as anger and yelling are. If she is arguing, remain calm, and receptive until she calms down as well. Practice this over weeks.

Divorce is no answer over the relatively small matters that you describe. These matters are too easily tended. Don't let her make you mad. When she says something mean, look at her calmly and inquizitively and ask, "Why do you say that?" Play psychoanalyst. Don't pretend to pschoanalyze her, that will backfire. But, stay calm, don't engage her in combat, verbal or otherwise. Just let her be mad until she starts to feel foolish and calms down. Don't be judgmental.

In time, things may improve. If not, at least, you will probably learn a lot more about what the problems are and will be able to focus on them instead of on how the two of you are interacting because of the problems. Your fights are symptoms of some underlying dysfunction and not a disease in themselves.

Did you mean it when you married her? How do you feel about honor, vows, and commitment? I know how most of my soldier friends feel. Your wife is not your enemy and you will not defeat marital problems with guns, violence, or power-oriented strategy. Find out what your enemy is and how to remove it.

Answer 2

Marriage is work and hard work. Just ask anyone that has been married for 50 years. There are moments when you love the hell out of each other and moments when you want to smother your spouse with a pillow. That is just how it is. It takes patients, prayer, understanding, forgiveness, and a willingness to overcome those obstacles by realizing that every situation it temporary and can be worked through. You two are so young and the odds are stacked against you because of your age. That doesn't mean that you have to be another statistic. I would suggest that you and the wife have a heart to heart and seek counseling. A good place to start looking is church, if you attend, they usually offer free counseling to members. Your wife may be feeling as if she jumped into being an adult too soon and is feeling resentful. That doesn't excuse her behavior though. Perhaps you could hire a babysitter on occasion and both go out for a night on the town.

Answer 3

Sorry for you bro, you married the wrong chick, she pushes buttons that make you mad. I don't want to bear bad news but I can guarantee she is not faithful to you. While I am not American and do not agree with your war, you need support that she will not give you. Leave her now and save yourself real heartache later on. Sorry bro, but that's reality. People that rely on the fact they have a degree to prove how smart they are are not smart at all, just average with good study skills. Any dummy can get a college degree if they have enough opportunity and Mummy and Daddy to make things easy. Leave the hoe right now before you end up having kids with her. Marriage is supposed to mean if you are off defending your sh*it, then the Mrs knows how to behave and waits for you and is pleased to see you when you come home and and HELPS you to ease the pain of your burden. She sounds like the wrong one for you.

Answer 4

all i can tell you is what i have. my wife is the best friend i have. she love me unconditionly. and i love her with all my heart. that not the same but it works for us. she know i am selfish selfcentered loveing careing kind person. we love just sitting in the same room or when i go fishing she sits and reads and does the cooking and make sure i have my coffee. we can go to the park were we walk the dog or just sit and watch the people go by. i am luck my wife takes care of me she get up and makes my coffee and makes sure i have a lunch and when she isnt working she has dinner on the table by 430pm she lets me watch what i want on tv. but i fix thing around the house if she needs somehting like a shelf or a paper towel holder i make it i make the bird feeder and make sure they are all full. i do the grass and plant her flower (it is the only flower she will let me give her) i make sure her car is running and if she tells me something is wrong i try to find out what and fix it. i have to wash the dishes because my wife can't . we both do wash i think she does more and she folds and put it all away i hate doing that. we worked it all out and we tell each other we love you and we show it in small ways she make sure i have cookies and tea and my 3 meals. i cook too on weekends she works 12 hrs shifts 7-7 so when she comes home i try to have something for her. we are best friends we are lovers we are parents we our a pet parent. we respected each other have you ever had a best freind i mean on that knew all about you. new what you like hate ect. well add a lover to that and so much more. i could not think about haveing her in my life. i dont want any one else. if we lock

Answer 5

It is ok! Sometimes everything just goes wrong. Your case is similar with mine. I 've been married for five years, we have two lovely children. then suddenly last week my husband asked for divorced and sent an application letter to the court. (Unbelieveble, since last month he asked me for having another kid and plan to buy a new house)
Well, acording to him, he just un happy for five years, even since the next month after the wedding ceremony. And he always think that I am lack of repect on him due to my salary is higher than his.
But later on I found out that he is just falling in love with other's wife. and he plans to marry her. That is it. Just like that.
Now I am a lonely widow which do not understand the world goes
Well my point is: it is not your fault. Coz here in the world, everything can be just wrong without any reason.

Answer 6

Marriage is supposed to be the union of two people in wedded bliss.

You case sounds more like you've been handcuffed to a psycho ***** from hell.

Answer 7

I am in love still and we have 3 children. Life is short - be happy. Tell her you want to be happy and hopefully she will be part of that, but the situation doesn't make you happy.

My husband makes me happy every day. EVERY DAY. I can't wait to see him and I miss him when we are apart. I can't get to sleep without him. Not that we're clingy or needy or anything, we are just happy to be with each other.

Maybe your wife just doesn't get it - doesn't understand what's important. Decide if you want to be happy and ask her if she does too.

I have watched too many people waste their valuable time. Treasure it.

Answer 8

I dont agree with the very first post. Being in the military has absolutely nothing to do with intelligence or the lack thereof. keep the politics out of it.

now on to my advice: talk to her. Tell her you don't want to turn this discussion into an argument. If she has something to say hold onto what you have to say until she is finished, ask her to do the same thing. tell her how you feel about the way she behaves and the attitude.

i hope this all works out for the best!

Answer 9

bliss, but usually it isn't.

I'd say that being deployed is a big issue but you need to talk to her about these things. I know it's hard but I hope you make it through.

Answer 10

to be honest, going to army and killing innocent people for oil and money that you dont even get it yourself is a sign of not being SMART.

mariage? is living a hell on earth..lol

good luck

Gadgetg
ps, leave the army before is late and try to win her love and trust and appreciation. that worth more than anything else.