God doesn't want us to date (even good looking folks like me)?

Question

As you look through the Bible, there are only a couple of different male/female relationships that are found. There are father/daughter, husband/wife, brother/sister in the Lord (those born again that God has adopted), and a couple of references to engaged male/female. There aren’t any references to any type of courtship. Given the seriousness of a marriage relationship in the Bible, if Christ had desired a courtship type of relationship one might expect to see at least one reference. Rather there are many cautions to the single males and females on their conduct. One of the strongest example is found in 1 Corinthians 7:1 "Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: [It is] good for a man not to touch a woman." There are also many examples within the Bible about avoiding lust. Here are several.

2 Timothy 2:22 "Flee also youthful lusts: but follow righteousness, faith, charity, peace, with them that call on the Lord out of a pure heart."
James 1:15 "Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death.
Matthew 5:28 "But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart."
James 1:14 "But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed."
Those that have dated have found it very difficult to avoid lust and the related temptations and far too often end up with additional sins like fornication. If you look at any of the data available today on pre-marital sex (even among Christians), I'm certain you'll agree, that while it's not impossible, dating certainly makes staying sexually pure until marriage a challenge. The other thought to consider is around the success of the dating system. Given that nearly 1/2 of all marriages today end in divorce, the process must not be ideal. Many that I've discussed this topics with agree that dating isn’t ideal, but question if there is any alternative. I'd offer the following to consider based on thoughts found in the Bible...

We believe that God created each of us and gave us a set of talents and weaknesses. (Genesis 5:2 “Male and female created he them; and blessed them, and called their name Adam, in the day when they were created”. And Isaiah 45:12 “I have made the earth, and created man upon it: I, [even] my hands, have stretched out the heavens, and all their host have I commanded.”) We also have the faith to believe that he is able to provide for all of His creation. (Matthew 10:29-31 "Are not two sparrows sold for a farthing? and one of them shall not fall on the ground without your Father. But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear ye not therefore, ye are of more value than many sparrows.") If he cares for the birds, certainly, He can care for each of us. If he cares for us and commits to provide all our needs, isn't is possible to also believe that if we need a spouse that he could also provide the ideal one. And that it's quite possible that because He made the spouse too, that He could do a better job of matching two up than anyone else? One key is that one must seek Him and His proposes first, then he'll provide all needs not just marriage. Sometimes we get it backwards. (Matthew 6:33 "But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.")

Answer 1

Interesting point you bring up. It seems that dating comes more from western culture. Whether it is good or not I'm not prepared to speak to, however the points you bring up are valid!

If you look at the "Old Testament," It does not appear as though their was any dating. Marriages were either pre-arranged or one chose a wife with the aproval of the brides father and immediately they were married with the consumation of the relationship. As with Isaac and Rebekah and, Jacob and his wives (Leah and Rachel) as well.

When you look at the example of Joseph and Mary in the New Testament, it says that he was betrothed to her. It appears as though this is another example of a pre-arranged marriage.

In this day and time of femminism and "new age," in Western culture; you would be hard pressed to find a pre-arranged marriage. These days people want to choose, and more often than not, unfortunately they choose wrong!

As for dating, in this day and time! You have pretty much spelled it out with the traps that follow dating. The other side of that is you really want to know the person you are going to marry. One scary thought is wheather or not they were born into the gender they exhibit. Another is you don't want to marry a kook, so many poeple on med's/drugs these days you really would do well to "date" or get to know someone!

Answer 2

Most of the members commit to what we call "courtship". Basicly the young people promise to trust their parents and God in the seeking of a lifemate. Thier idea of courtship consists of meeting within the church or like minded people. When two famlies think that thier children(I don't mean 6 year olds) are potential mates, they might invite each other over for dinner a fee times and see the young people together. After a bit they will approach the children with "we feel led for you to this person.....". IF, only IF the children are agreeable, do they proceed into courtship, which would consist of constantly meeting between the family and no alone time, except for when or if the man is to propose to the woman. It is an amazing work in our church.

Answer 3

The Bible is not an instruction manual for every facet of human life. God clearly thinks it is important for us to drink, yet the Bible contains practially no information on how to dig wells, sterilize water, or repair plumbing!

God wants us to be happy. He provides all that we have and all that we are. However, he expects us to act and think for ourselves so that we can learn and gow and become more fulfilled people. Marriage is important, but you've got to do the legwork. Dating isn't the only way to marriage, but it is by far the most prevalant.

And just because something is hard to do and many people fail at it surely does not indicate that it is not what God intends or expects.

Answer 4

COurtship you must remember wasn't exactley the thing when the Bible was written, Ruth courted Boaz however in a way. There is no reason a Christian should not date except for the following:
-She/He isn't a christian aswell,
-your just dating for the fun of it
-your planning on having sex before marrige

Answer 5

the custom at the times you discuss was that the daughters belonged to the father and he chose the husband. Thus this area was not discussed. That does not mean that dating is a sinful behavior it means that scripture is quotes of people who were speaking to and through the people and customs of that time. Note monogamy is not discussed as a rule for everyone either. In fact poligamy is mentioned as a practice and no where does it ever say it was wrong

Answer 6

okay look here is my opinion. God does not mind if u date some one because how else are gonna know if they are suitable for u to marry. but back in those days there were arranged marriages and no need to date someone. but god never said not to date anyone its just that back then they didnt do that. but when u do date you cant have sex or anything that has to do with sex.and if when u kiss a guy it makes you horny then you shouldnt kiss them plain and simple.

Answer 7

I think that he would want us to have friendship relationships with others. People take dating way out of context. it does not have to mean that you have to hook up to be on a successful date there care be friendships involved

Answer 8

I didn't read your whole quesstion!! But they mean that you shouldn't follow what your body lusts after!! Like things that'll be sinful...like lusting after drink, too many girls, food, and other crack like that!! Clothes as well!!

Answer 9

In those days marriages were arranged.

Answer 10

Dump the rhetoric. It all means think with the bigger head. Pardon my frankness.