what do u think?

Question

There is this girl i no.. she is 19 and has 2 kids.. she is in college and works.. she only works like 3 days a week just for extra money.. she is still with her babys dad.. they have an apartment together and pay all their bills and i think she does really good.. some ppl think she i a bad parent b/c she is young and dont spend a LOT of time with her kids.. what do u think.. i think she is doin a great job.. i mean i have two kids and i work and ppl dont talk about me like that but i am 23 so what is the big deal..( we live in a small town so everyone talks about everyone )

Answer 1

Many people have children at a young age and it never works out. I think this girl deserves applause. She has all the right tools for success. She is improving herself by attending college, she has a job, she is still with the baby's father, and she pays all her bills what more could you ask for. Some people alot older can't even accomplish this. BRAVO! I wish her all the happiness in the world, besides she shouldn't validate herself by what others think.

Answer 2

If she is working and going to school to make a better life for her family then how is she a bad mother? It would be nice for her to stay at home with her kids all the time of course but in reality that isn't really possible anymore. Most of the time both parents have to work now to support their family even if they have decent jobs. So to answer your question, no I do not think she is a bad mother at all. She is doing what she needs to do.
One other thing, I live in a small town too and sometimes it really sucks because of the gossiping and stuff. I guess you will have that in all small towns though!

Answer 3

Congratulations to her for working so hard and being responsible. I grew up in a small town and yes everyone loves to talk about everyone else, especially when it is none of their business. The other thing about small towns is the people tend to believe that they know what's best for everyone else, even though they have no idea what's really going on behind closed doors.

As long as the talk doesn't affect her children or her marriage she shouldn't let it affect her. And you shouldn't let it affect you, unless you have a way of defending her. As long as you don't provide drama, the people will soon find another focus for their gossip.

Answer 4

I don't think there is anything wrong with what she is doing she is trying her best. I think a lot of people sort of feel sorry for a girl who gets pregnant so young. They feel sorry for and know how much of life she is missing raising children at such a young age. Other older people might also realize that if one thing goes wrong (daddy leaves or gets injured at work, a kid get really sick) mom's life will be really difficult. Finally I think that these people who talk really want a good life for her family but they just don't know how to express it in a positive way. Best of luck to you.

Mark

Answer 5

1) Use the spell check next time.
2) I think she sounds like a good parent, not a great parent. I love and respect my parents because they were always home with me. However, I do think that she is doing the best that she can do. Not many other people would try that hard.
3) Small towns- can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em! (Yeah, I know the feeling!)

Answer 6

As long as you do the right thing to raise your children, than go on, don't bother with cheap gossips. If you don't have much time to be spent with your kids because of your job, it doesn't mean that you are a bad parent. You have your job to feed your kids, not to feed those people? Am I right?
Send my regard to your friend, I think she's a good mom and more mature than her age..

Answer 7

What a breath of fresh air, to hear you complimenting the girl! Small town, where everyone THINKS they know every one else's business. I cannot stand gossip. I think you should continue to defend her to the towns people, just as you have done here. She probably doesn't seem to care what they think, but it would be nice for her to know that she has a friend.

Answer 8

people should see that the reason she doesn't spend a lot of time with her kids is because she is trying to better herself, going to college, it's not like she is out partying. Most women in her situation would have already dropped out of school, so good for her!

Answer 9

It sounds like she's doing pretty good. She shouldn't listen to what they have to say and keep taking care of her family. Save her energy that is left at the end of her day and spend it with her kids. People will always find things to gossip about ...

Answer 10

the big deal might be that she doesn't spend much time with her kids. they need it; i personally would say she's done a lousy job. She has two kids at 19, which means she isn't even emotionally developed yet and is in control of these two kids emotional life, goes to school, works, and hasn't married their dad. She has no time for her kids and they need her in order to develop properly. So do yours.

Society is damaged extensively by all these kids not being raised by their parents, because the kids are damaged extensively by not being raised by their parents. I don't expect you to agree.

Here's a bit I wrote for another answer about the research, tho, and this might give a hint as to why people who actually think about social trends and care about what's happening to us and our kids don't like it when moms put anything ahead of their young children:

When my firstborn arrived, I was still in my liberated feminist mode and knew he had to go to daycare. I trusted no one but my family and so my hours shifted to evening and my husband was the caregiver.

Well,l thank god I was a liberated feminist - a strong woman who can hold her own - because when I heard my son crying night after night when I'd call to check on him, crying while we were supposed to be having it all!!!!! - this strong woman said, "MY GOD, I've been fed a load of baloney by the media about babies and their needs." And this strong woman said to her husband - "HEY, I'm not working anymore. Our baby needs me."

And then I pulled out all my infant development books from my psych degree, and lo and behold, it's right there - they need us, they actually need us!

NICHD has been studying day care use for decades. Lots of day care using mommies are doing these studies, and so they always try to couch the results in ....lies. The last block that showed how day care increases aggressiveness and lowers school performance for up to 12 years after day care - this is how the author of the study responded to my query about the data. Mind you, the data showed the bad effects occur with a nanny, daddy, grandma, 5 star day care center, or your neigbor's'day care. The damage is always there. And the study head says to me - well, we don't know that it's separation from mom that's causing the damage, it could be the paint color at the center. I asked her if daddies paint the houses a different color when their wives are at work. Our correspondence ended immediately.

Despite these guilt-ridden or ideologically-frozen women's attempts to hide the results, they're loud and clear. One researcher, Jay Belsky, came out and said the time has come to stop pretending we're not hurting the kids with day care.

NICHD results show this result of infant mother separation before age 5 - lower iq, lower social skills, worse school performance, lower approval from daddy, less bonding with mommy, less attached to mommy. And this is what they can glean from the limitations of study designs.

Day care workers lie to the moms - and themselves - i guess you have to lie to yourself to guard a baby prison - and tell moms - oh the baby is happy when you've gone. they stop crying immediately.

Because I heard my son cry endlessly and whenever my sister popped in to check on her baby she found her crying, I don't even believe it. But, our kids refused to adapt to the abandonment and demanded we come back. A lot of babies give up. The crying stops simply because the baby learns it doesn't work to cry. Nothing changes, mommy doesn't come back.

Research also shows a baby's brain is flooded with a stress hormone when baby is separated from mommy. While in this state, learning is impaired and the baby learns that mommy doesn't care how he feels, even wants him to feel that way. The constant stress hormone bath predisposes this child to anxiety and mood disorders and the child learns that the world (mommy) is unreliable and uncaring.

She might be doing a good job in the situation she created, but she created a lousy situation and it's really despicable that she created that situation and thrust two innocent children into it. Jesus, can't she even wait til her kids go to school to go to college? How selfish and utterly uninformed is she?