A lot of ppl say that having my own child will cause me to change. Actually, I'm not intentionally disliking babies or children; something about them just gets under my skin. Hubby wants kids and I would like to change my mind...but I don't want to risk having a child grow up with an unhappy mom. Plz share suggestions on how I might go about deciding. Thanks!
2006-10-03 14:34:52 · 23 answers · asked by adrift feline 6 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Thanks everybody, I'm getting some really good advice. keep it coming!
2006-10-03 14:46:51 · update #1
i'd say caomin from a 12 yr old if u love ur hubby u'll make him happier and have a child and ull change ur mind same thing happened to my mom.,
2006-10-03 14:42:35 · answer #1 · answered by Redd||Badd 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Okay how old are you? I did not want to have kids till I was in my mid thirties.
First~If you don't want kids that should have been addressed in that marriage contract. That is a deal breaker! That is the first concern I "see" in this question. You already have a husband. That needs to be handled ASAP. Don't have a kid to make him happy....that will destroy all three of your lives.
Second~There is no reason to have a child for (any reason) if you do not want one. I would recommend that you get your tubes tied, and tell your hubby that "ship has sailed".
You will not be judged for that choice. Some of the best "Aunties" have never been parents and are the best with kids. Stand your ground and be happy about that choice.
I knew that I wanted kids when I was much older... and told everyone that... I had been a Nanny and it really "floored" everyone that I waited so long to get married or have kids. My son is going to be three and I will be forty-two! I'm okay being the old mom! It is my choice.
It is NOT selfish to know your own heart. I lived a wild, crazy and well spent youth, lived without regret. I knew that the dedication to my family would "change my thoughts and actions" to be more responsible and that I would put me last in line for things that I wanted and it would last for the rest of my life. That's a huge thing!
2006-10-03 14:57:30 · answer #2 · answered by Denise W 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
hi, i totally agree with bumble bear. i used to not like children and people thought that i was evil. even today, i'm not the best with kids, but it totally changes with your own. even though i may not love other ppl's kids, i have a different tolerance for them. carry a child, knowing it is a miracle happening in your body and knowing that God is doing something special in your life and body is unbelieveable! Also, you see something that comes from your genes, your likeness and you mold it into something, it's like caring and being responsible for anything else you care about.. you may care a lot about your car... it suits your personality, you buy accessories for it, keep it clean, etc. a car will never come close to a child, but you get the pic right? also, realize that children are blessings and that so many people don't have the opportunity to have kids or lose kids all the time (miscarriages and stillborn births, SIDS). if this doesn't help. really look at your life and ask yourself if you want your legacy and all to end with you....is it selfishness? (not insenuating, but that's why i didn't want kids before) figure out what you feel and definitely help your husband to understand. i hope that this doesn't hurt your relationship. good luck!
2006-10-03 14:48:00 · answer #3 · answered by mindfulmomma 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Don't have a kid you don't want.
My daughter's best friend is an only child he lives with his mom & stepdad, dad's deceased. The Mom is really strict & the kid, a teenager, is actually still told "children should be seen & not heard" I was shocked by that. But then she said, "I never wanted kids and cried for hours after the dr told me I was pg" and her new hubby never wanted kids either! The boy is not an idiot, he tells us all the time that he's not wanted, they don't care about him. They also have never given him a birthday party or even a gift! It's so sad! Do you want a kid who feels that way??
2006-10-03 14:57:30 · answer #4 · answered by grrl 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I never EVER thought that I would be cut out to be a mother. But now I have a six month old baby girl and she is my angel and there is NOTHING that could ever change that fact! Yes there are times that she really bugs the heck out of me but once I bonded with her I realized that she is an extension of me and a celebration of my love for my husband and my life! Believe me it's a miracle and such a life changing experience.
I loved it so much that I am pregnant with my second child already and I am so excited! I still make time for myself each day and having babies has strengthened my marriage too. You don't have to give up hobbies and throw out the cosmetics and nailpolish just because you have babies! Believe me I am a HIGH maintenance girly girl and I am also a good mommy and wife. Good luck to you and do what makes you happy but remember it's a rare gift to be a mother but a choice that is up to you and God (of course).
2006-10-03 14:45:07 · answer #5 · answered by Mom_of_two 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That is a very personal decision. If you do not want children, you do not have to have them. Unfortunately, There are lots of unwanted children in the world. If you would like to try to change your mind, then try doing some baby-sitting or nannying on the side. Kids will be kids. If you definitely think after doing that, that you still don't want kids, then get a dog.
2006-10-03 14:44:42 · answer #6 · answered by alanna801 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't think a person has to "like kids" to love their own children or be a good parent. The important questions to answer concern why you want or don't want children and what kind of parent your partner will make. I love being a mom and love my daughter more than I ever thought was possible, and I was never a person (and still am not) who would describe myself as "liking" children in general.
It's pretty politically incorrect to own up to not liking kids as a category, but I think it's good that you're in touch with your own reality!
2006-10-03 14:41:18 · answer #7 · answered by CH 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, I never liked kids myself. Whenever I was out in public or visiting friends or relatives that had children, I always would wonder why people would want them, they take up so much time and can be so annoying...I never thought I would have any. Then I got married and ended up pregnant. I love my daughter and am so happy i had her!!!!!! As soon as you first see your baby you will love her.....oh and by the way i still dislike other people's kids LOL
2006-10-03 16:25:10 · answer #8 · answered by my101201cutiepie 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If babies get under your skin then I would suggest no children, unless you have a really wonderful husband!!! But, I know a few women who never were the "baby type" and they have had two and three children and are wonderful moms, so I bet there is hope for you too!
2006-10-03 14:50:27 · answer #9 · answered by LynnMarie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It will all change when u have one of your own. U probably cant stand other peoples kids. But when u have one of your own and u look at what u created and carried inside of u for 9 months everything changes and u will be soo happy, nothing like a mothers love. Besides, being pregnant is lots of fun and a nice experience. =)
Good Luck!!
2006-10-03 14:38:30 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I feel the same way as you...I've realized that I don't like them for now and thats OK. If you don't want kids don't have any until you feel ready. Everyone has told me, give it a few years and see how you feel. Don't have a child just b/c you feel like you HAVE to...wait until you feel like its right, and if its never, you will be okay too. Theres other ways of nurtuing and being fulfilled than having children.
2006-10-03 15:01:07 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋