Catholic/Lutheran Engagement - ? on rules/compromising?

Question

My fiancee is Catholic, and I am Lutheran. Both of our families take their religions very seriously, and we don't want either to become upset or feel as if their faith isn't as important. We both plan to keep our individual faiths, as we feel the commonalities between them are the most important parts of Christian religion(or in other words, the big picture), and just differ on the smaller details. I'm wondering what the rules are on mixed marriages in the Catholic church, and whether it is generally ok to have both a priest and a minister performing the ceremony.

Also, we're debating on an outside wedding as we want our puppy involved (he's like our child). So far, the way to be the most equal is to incorporate both denominations or neither . . . . if anyone has other ideas it would be greatly appreciated! Thanks!

Answer 1

This is a good enough question to get me back on this part of the site (I hate the banter here).

Congratulations on your upcoming marriage! You are right, there is more common ground between Catholics and Lutherans than there is room for dispute.

You and your fiancee should talk with the priest, and with a Lutheran pastor to make sure all the requirements are met. There's a lot that has to be done, but that's mostly due to the sacramental nature of marriage in both faiths. Okay, I can really only speak on the Catholic way of Chirst, but I think there's a lot of parallel reasoning on marriage in the Lutheran way of Christ.

The way I've seen this done in the past (including my Catholic cousin's wedding to a Methodist) is that you (1) need to have a Catholic minister (deacon or priest) present, (2) need to use the Catholic vows, (3) may have it in a Catholic Church and (4) need to have all your fiancee's Catholic records in order.

That sounds a lot harder than it really is:
1) Most mixed ceremonies have both present. My cousin's wedding was neat because the priest and minister split the sermon, with the minister occasionally interrupting the calm priest with a "Hallelujah!" on certain points. If your priest or minister doesn't want to do it or has a problem with it (even clergy get attitudes) find another one. We had a Dominican brother (who is also a priest) perform our ceremony, in part because he knew us very well, even though he doesn't usually perform Mass at our Church.

This is an important point - if you encounter flack from the bureaucracy (both churches have a bureaucratic organization), and I don't think you will, but if you do, a good priest or deacon should be able to help you negotiate it.

2) The Catholic vows are short and to the point: "I _ take you, _, to be my spouse. I promise to be faithful to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, til death do us part." Or something to that effect.

If there are specific Lutheran vows, I doubt they disagree much. You can work them all in together. If you want to add your own, usually that's no problem. Our priest actually didn't want us to change the vows, but asked us to say a prayer for each other afterwards, which was really truly one of the most beautiful moments of my life because my wife just totally winged it and got it perfectly!

3) Generally a "dispensation" is required to have an outdoor wedding that is not on holy ground. These are commonly given. Heck, most Americans get a dispensation whenever St. Pat's falls on a Friday so we can eat corned beef. Like I said, this isn't hard to do, just make sure you make the request ahead of time so that it takes the time needed to work through the system.

4) The Catholic records are actually quite important - it just shows that your fiancee is eligible to marry in a Catholic ceremony, which really means that he's: a) A Catholic and b) is not currently married. If he's been a parishoner at more than one parish, this just means calling to make sure the baptismal certificate is sent.

There should be no objections to the puppy unless one of the clergy is afraid of or allergic to dogs.


One last note: if you find that his parish (which takes care of most of the back-work) is giving you a hard time about anything in the wedding, talk with the priest (if he's receptive) because generally the priest will trump any bureaucrat in the parish. If the priest is giving you a hard time, switch priests.

There is absolutely no reason why a faithful Catholic and a faithful Lutheran cannot have a loving marriage that is pleasing to the Lord, nor why they cannot hold a ceremony that respects both traditions.

Best wishes and congratulations again.
V17

Answer 2

For a Catholic to enter into a so-called "mixed marriage", the Catholic must state that the marriage is not a threat to the practice of his/her faith. He/she must also state that he/she will do everything possible to raise the children in the Catholic faith. The non-Catholic party must be made aware of these promises on the part of the Catholic party, but the non-Catholic party does not have to make any such promises.

For the marriage to be considered valid in the Catholic Church a Catholic priest or deacon must preside, and must directly receive the spoken marriage vows from both parties. A Protestant minister may be present beside the priest, but may not preside, and may not receive the spoken vows. It is not allowed for the couple to state their vows twice, once before the priest and once before the minister. If you want to review all the Church's standard rules regarding marriage, you can find them in the Marriage section of the Code of Canon Law. You can find it here (among other places) ...

http://www.ourladyswarriors.org/canon/

Scroll down to Book IV, Title VI. You'll find it all there.

Answer 3

Interesting question! My mom was catholic and my dad was lutheran. I was raised as a catholic because apparently children should be raised in the mother's faith (I don't know who came up with that logic).

I married a catholic man in the lutheran church. Both a catholic priest and a lutheran pastor married us.

Problem solved. Everybody happy.