My daughter is pregnant for the second time and I know that it was deliberate. I warned her before that her dad and I would not support a second child should she get pregnant again. We have supported them now for over four years. We adore our grand daughter and she wants for nothing that she needs. My daughter won't work. She lives in my house pays no rent, has us paying her electric and phone. Our son also lives there and pays next to nothing. He is mad because he thinks he should not have to pay the $220 a month he pays to live there. My family is being destroyed. My husband and I had to move out of our own house to get some peace in our lives. At the age of 58, I must travel 300 miles to work and back...doing several shifts and staying at a hotel because my daughter screams at me and everyone else. I have turned to alcohol to make things easier. What do I do???
2006-10-03 13:58:41 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Your daughter will continue to do so because you are enabling her. What I would do is this: I would tell her she has X amount of time to find a job, if she doesn't find a job she is outta there. Tell her that in regards to her daughter you will get social services, or a family counselor involved because you do not believe she will be able to maintain care of the child/she is an unfit mother in regards to the financial aspect (i.e. she won't be able to provide adequeate shelter, food, clothes ect) Another option get her to sue the father of the 1st borns father for childsupport. And discuss with her the possibility of doing it with the 2nd.
Tell your son if he is unhappy about the rent he pays get out. And let him know the worlds not as nice or cheap as mom.
And by the way anything you say, you must above all else STICK TO YOUR GUNS, otherwise they will not take you seriously and you will continue to be walked all over.
MOVE BACK INTO YOUR HOUSE, you are letting those kids control you and that isn't right, you are not a doormat and you deserve respect.
QUIT drinking, it will only make things worse on you. It is a depressant, it's only making you feel worse, even if it alleviates things for the moment. The problems aren't going away.
Things may get especially difficult with your stubborn, lazy daughter (sorry) you have to do what's right by those kids though. Are you willing to take custody of them, should things go completely south? There are things you can do as a maternal grandparent. Talk to your loacl Office of Community Services, or Dept of Social Services for advice and specifics.
I think everything I told you were things you already knew. Get some courage and stand up for yourself! Talk to your hubby and ask him to back you up. You are enabling the situation, that's why it's still going on. Stop. You will be in my prayers!
2006-10-03 14:15:36 · answer #1 · answered by Amber 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You don't know what to do?! Get OFF the booze, get a back-bone & kick those lazy, good for nothings out on their butts. Only then will u be able to get ur life back. How does she have U paying for her phone & electric? STOP! Why did u & ur husband move? You both need to put foot down, move back home, tell them they have 1 month to get jobs & move out. If they won't go, call the cops, they'll help u get them out. Is it gonna be hard to do? U bet it is, but this is something U HAVE TO DO or u'll never get ur life back. Is ur daughter getting child support, or welfare? If not, shs should be. Either take her or make her go to the local welfare office, & sign up. She should also sign up for section 8 housing. As for ur son, tell him he's damn lucky to be living there, if he was on his own , he'd be paying 2-3 x that much, & doing his own cooking & cleaning. He needs to go , too. Get moving, lady, & GOOD LUCK!
2006-10-03 14:41:27 · answer #2 · answered by louise b 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are brave and have been very lenient, too lenient. Your daughter is very irresponsible. What about the child's dad? Where is he in all this? Anyways, she's not working and has one child already. Isn't she getting any type of financial help from the gov.? I would say let her stay until she has had the 2nd child. But tell her to start seeking help and move out. Best wishes to you, you're a very kind woman.
2006-10-03 14:14:06 · answer #3 · answered by Smarties 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Take her to sign up for assistance and government housing and make her move. It is her life now to deal with. You have to take care of yourself and make her grow up. That will probably be the only way. Give your son a reasonable amount of time allotted to get a job and an apartment. Give him a date by the time he has to be out. When that day is up, keep your word and set his things in the yard or into storage and tell him that you are serious.
2006-10-03 14:05:56 · answer #4 · answered by just julie 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Time to tell your "kids" to find there own place. You have put in your time, been a parent, but they are taking atvantage. They may be mad at first, but it is the best thing for them, and you desreve to have your life too. If you feel bad, tell your daughter that you will help her find a place, helop her with first and last months rent, and then she is on her own. That is MORE than resonable. They have to grow up and be adults now. Good luck to you.
2006-10-03 14:06:19 · answer #5 · answered by shrimpseys 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Give them both a 30 day notice and then change the locks..tell your husband to stand up to them. take your daughter to Social Service and Housing Authorithy to sign up for an apartment.
2006-10-03 14:05:28 · answer #6 · answered by vonnye 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It is about time that you and your hubby live for yourselves, not your children. My parents did the same thing with my older sister and now my grown nephew and his 2 children! Since my father past away, they take advantage of her even more. My mother has listed her home for sale and is moving in with my husband and I, 700 miles away. I pushed the issue with her. I refuse to tolerate the laziness of my sibling and her grown child. Let them fend for themselves. It is hard to do, but you have too. They will thank you for it in the long run.
2006-10-03 14:08:18 · answer #7 · answered by naughty_mattress_monkey 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋