My son just started kindergarten this year. He is a very well behaved boy at school ...?

Question

and would never put his hands on anyone at school. At home however he is pretty rough and I have taught him how to fight if needed to defend himself.

Three times in a week there has been an incident with him being pushed one day, choked another day (yeah, choked) and then punched today. The teacher even says that it is not anything that my son is doing its just these few boys that pick on everyone and have no damn sense.

My question is should I tell my son to stop holding back (he has told me he wants to hit back but knows its not OK ) and teach these kids a lesson so they will know not to mess with him? I dont mean to let him get into fights everyday but someone can only take so much and I dont want him to bottle this up and have it burst out when he is older and he goes nuts on someone.

P.S. His teacher even said (between me and her) that if he got fed up and finally hit back he wouldnt be in trouble.

The reason he does not hit back at school is because I taught him how to respect others and behave. It has nothing to do with being afraid. He just didnt want to get in trouble and now he knows that I will not get mad if he defends himself.

I have also thought about going up to those kids and scaring the crap outta them. I even told my son (jokingly?) that if the kids didnt stop I would kick their moms' asses and maybe then they would teach their own kids how to act right, lol.

If this continues I am going to have the parents and the boys brought into the office and we will sit down and resolve the matter or point blank I will tell them my son is going to start kicking their sons butts.

He has a great teacher but these things are happening on the play ground when three classes are mixed together. She takes this very seriously and is really mad. I couldnt ask for a better teacher for him.

THATS IT, I JUST REALIZED I'M GOING TO GO TO SCHOOL TOMORROW AND WATCH WHAT HAPPENS AT THE PLAYGROUND... They better hope they dont touch my boy when I'm there.

Answer 1

First try speaking to the children bothering your sons and scaring them. Also their parents if that is possible.Be firm and let them know you are serious. Obviously you can't hit them or anything. Then if fights continue, they are documented as not being your sons fault, I would tell him to hit back in self defense. If it continues to happen again after that... press charges. Maybe an early run thought the police department will scare them straight.

Another thought... why are the boys alone long enough to put their hands around your sons throat. Complain to the school board that there is not adequate supervision.

Answer 2

Aw that's a shame, in kindergarten!

My mom always said if someone hits you, hit them back! Fortunately I've never had to use that, but I was always prepared.

The one thing is in high school, we had fights daily, sometimes a couple a day. They were bad fights too, a lot of times with teachers and staff involved, some even started by the staff! But that is besides the point. Anyway our rule was that if someone hit you and you hit them back, you would BOTH get the same discipline. For us that was taken down to the police station and if you did it twice you got kicked out. So I always decided if someone were to ever hit me, I wouldn't do anything because it wasn't worth the chance of getting expelled or arrested.

I'm sure it is taken less seriously in schools where this is not a problem, like it was in elementary school for me. We rarely had fights and the rule there was you got in trouble if you started the fight.

If it were me I think I would tell him that it is NEVER ok to start a fight, but if someone keeps hitting you hit them back for your own sake. It's good that the teacher won't let him in trouble, but she sounds like an idiot if she is letting a child get hurt by other students three times a week. I think this needs to be brought to the principal or superindendant's attention.

I like the idea that someone suggested if they hit you three times. That way if they hit you once it's done with. If you hit them back they will most likely hit you back, starting a fight. But three times, they probably will keep going so I say hit them back.

Good luck and I hope everything goes okay!

Answer 3

My husband and I had this same conversation last night. My son is a sweet kid that also started kindergarten this year. My husband was telling my son to hit back. I was saying no. My son said that if the aid on the shift saw a kid hitting, that they would get in trouble.
I talked to the teacher and asked that the tolerance was in regards to this, she said that if there was any problem with fighting, that they needed to find an aid or talk to the teacher. I would say that is none if those work out, I would go to the Principal. But you don't want the kid to hit at school. It could cause a lot of problems in High School.

Answer 4

I would bring it up with the administration of the school. The teacher needs to send the bullying kids up to the principal and let the bullies parents have an opportunity to change their child's behavior. Also, that way if it does come to the point where your son defends himself, you can back up the fact that it is a reoccuring event and your son didn't begin it. I realize what the teacher said, but he/she will not get herself in trouble if the bullying students parents decide to involve the principal in that event.

Answer 5

You sound like a great mom!!

My sons were never allowed to fight - unless it was to defend themselves -- stop the fight.

One day in Middle school, my son was attacked by this bully and something inside of him snapped and he beat the crap out of the boy. I was called to the school ready to kill him myself when the principal greeted me with "He did NOT start it, he only stopped the fight" -- can't argue with that, it is what I taught him to do. The principal had trouble with this kid all the time and was impressed that my son finally stood up for himself BUT did not let the fight continue - he just let him have it, told him to stay away and then walked off. It worked - kid never touched him again.

Be careful stepping in, it might make it worse, BUT do protect your child. I know, you feel like you are walking a tightwire, and you are. Trust your gut and your son.

He will know when the right time will be to stand up for himself.

Answer 6

Do not matter how young they are. And if you are not aware, great damage can happen even if they are very young, not to mention the emotional trauma.
The teacher is stupid, the teacher have responsibility on teaching the kids not to do those things and not allow those things to happen. The parents have the greatest responsibility, more than the teacher.
YOU SHOULD TALK TO THE SCHOOL ADMINISTRATION and the administration must talk to the parents, kids and teachers, and must take all other actions necessary to stop that from happening.

Answer 7

One of the greatest gifts you could give your child is the gift of that extra year before he is forced into the treadmill of school. Perhaps you could find a preschool that is different from the one he's been attending, or enrich his program with some kind of activities in art or music or whatever interests him. Give him time to play and be a child. Your point about being a young senior in high school is also well taken. I have a few friends whose kids skipped or started early and most had some social problems starting in middle school.

Answer 8

Quite honestly, I'm disgusted by the reactions of your son's teachers. He's such a small child, just getting his first taste of formal education, and not one of them is bothering to protect him from bullies (yes, bullies because this isn't just wee boys having fun but brats assaulting your young son). I'd march up there and demand they do something because this isn't acceptable. And if they don't, threaten to go to the education authority.

I'd tell your son to hit back if he's being picked on but be careful because often bullies come with parents who aren't slow in reporting when victims retaliate. You should keep a diary of all the incidents happen to protect your son.

Answer 9

The best thing for you to do, if you have not already done so, is talk to the parents of the boys picking on your son. Talk to the teacher first and have her set up a meeting between you and the other parents. Work it out between the adults and if it persists then you can give your son permission to wail on the other boys.

i hope i could help you

Answer 10

Make sure the principle knows about the problems with these other kids.She'll need a thick file to kick them out.

As far as your son, do not tell him to hit back, but don't get mad at him if he does.