How do we delicately tell his parents "No"?

Question

My in-laws are coming to visit. We have offered to put them in lodging, but my father-in-law insists we have enough room. We already have my husband's youngest brother (grown, without steady employment) living with us; the in-laws are bringing three small children of whom are disciplined differently than our own three. My husband feels bad about telling them they cannot stay with us because they "do so much for us." They do not finance us in any way, only act as any parents do. They do not understand when we tell them that it is too many people in our home. If it can work for them to have people visit their home, it can and will work for us as well, according to the father-in-law. My husband does not truly want to have them stay here either. He does not want to create tension because his parentsd are older, and not all too well. Any advice on how to delicately handle this matter?

Answer 1

Whew! Nothing is easy, that's for sure.

Try this, get out some newspapers, buy some paint and brushes, and paint a wall or two. Of course you can't have rambuntious kids running around with wet paint since they absolutely will want to touch and will ruffle up the papers you are using to protect the floor and furniture, etc. Good luck.

Answer 2

This is a very tender situation you've gotten yourself into. First of all your going to have to except no matter what decission you make, someone will not agree, or even be hurt. The first thing to consider,is your own family. Make sure your dicission wont create havock in your own family. The most important persons to consider here is your immediate family, excluding the brother in law. The secound thing to consider is th lenght of stay. If it is a short stay, maybe you should pull out the air mattress and bear it. Is it possible the brother could help by staying with friends. I can understand the Fathers insistance, as it will cut your time together considerablely. I dont know your housing room, but if it were myself, I guess I would try to squeeze everyone in, keeping the majority happy, and hope you can laugh about latter. Good luck.

Answer 3

This must be a new generational way of "thinking", because I really don't see that it is anyone else's business what a parent tells a child they believe. How do you get that this is somehow "forcing" anything down a child's throat? Of course, I can see it would be a matter of concern if a parent was telling a child to believe in some satanic blood-cult that encourages the child to belive that it's ok to kill people in the most gruesome fashion possible, but the whole theme of your question is that it's somehow wrong for a Christian parent to tell their children what they, the parent, believe in. Is this some new and desperate tactic to make Christian parents feel "guilty" for introducing their children (of whom what they say to "their" children is NONE of your business) to their religious beliefs? And when you can show me conclusively (much less convince me) that Christians believing in and following the bible's tenets are somehow "suppression", "oppression", "hate" simply because you don;t like it, and all the rest, I might one day actually begin to take you seriously. Until then, even insinuating such is just a laughable joke. Nice try, though. Oh, btw- I used Christians as an example simply because this question in its current form is nothing but a tired re-hash of the same terminology used in previous questions directed solely at Christians. As for muslims or other religious faiths, they can speak for themselves.

Answer 4

Sounds like delicacy is not working, as your father-in-law is being pushy about it. You may have to be more forceful or at least blunt in your response to him. After all, it IS your home! It's important for both of you to 'suck it up', put on a united front, and tell your folks that you love them, are happy to entertain them, but they simply MUST find alternate lodgings, If you're offering to foot the bill, they can have no complaint.
Draw the line and stand firm. Don't be TOO polite.

Answer 5

I know the feeling. My parents always stayed with my grandparents and the house was SO crowded.
When I visit my family; I do not hesitate to stay in a hotel. It's nice to visit; but then I can just relax until the next day!
Don't have to do any breakfast dishes!
Just let your in-laws know how you feel and tell your bro-in-law that he needs to start respecting your generosity!

Answer 6

Same problem this weekend!!!!!! I would tell my husband that if he doesn't want to give up his bed he better let them know! What I hate about that situation is that they still expect to be waited on! I'm not cooking for 6 extra people without so much as a thankyou. Their feelings might get hurt. But after they have space of their own they will probably be thankful.Stand your ground sister!!

Answer 7

Let them stay!

Life is sooo short. Enjoy family, pull them close, put them first. So what if you're going to be cramped? Maybe a little inconvenienced? So what! They are you're husband parents. And I'm sure they will respect you and your rules in YOUR home when it comes to your kids. How often do you get Grandma and Grandpa to stay over? It's a big slumber party. Let them have the blessing of reading bedtime stories, tucking them in and getting them breakfast in the morning.

Let them stay, relax and enjoy it! It's FAMILY!

Answer 8

Let them know how you feel. If you don't stand up to them on this issue they will walk all over you about other things.

Answer 9

I guess paying for the hotel?