I am getting married this weekend. My parents have put 9 months worth of time and money into this event (they are covering the reception, car rental, hair, makeup and my dress alterations). My fiance and I covered the chapel, DJ, and photographer payments. I want to give my parents a nice, thoughtful gift (I think I'm going for a really nice frame to put a wedding photo in but have a nice thank you note when I give it to them). However, his parents have done squat. They're showing up and that's about it. Hell, it took his mom until a couple months ago to say congrats about it (she heard about it in Feb). His mother is participating at the ceremony with the unity candle lighting, but she doesn't seem all that thrilled. So, am I obligated to give his folks a gift? I don't feel that I need to. Should I wait to give my folks a gift after the rehearsal dinner so it's not in front of his dad? (My fiance's mom is not attending the rehearsal dinner). Any thoughts? Thanks in advance!
2006-10-03 10:00:07 · 9 answers · asked by loloshorty9 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Other prob, they are divorced. Not only that, but neither of them really even keep in contact with their son at all. And nothing has to do w/ payback for them not helping...I just kinda don't think they deserve any sort of thank you regarding this event accept for "thanks for showing up" like everyone else. That's another issue I'm having regarding my fiance's and my speech. Do we also thank his parents...even though they weren't even around or willing to help? It's a pickle fo sure.
2006-10-03 10:08:46 · update #1
Well, a thank you gift is just that...a small gift to express thanks for something. It's not necessary or customary but is a nice thing to do. Your parents have done much for you and it's only natural you would be grateful and wish to express that with a sentimental gift and I'm sure they will love and appreciate it. As for his mother and father...well, the mother is not even coming to the rehearsal dinner so that wouldn't really be much of an issue, unless of course you give the father something which is completely unnecessary. I suppose as well that if they (his folks) are not together you would have to buy them separate gifts? Now we're talking 3 gifts? No...I don't think that's necessary. As a matter of fact, I think maybe giving his parents gifts also would take away from the specialness of your parents' gift. My best advice would be to not tie the gift giving in with the rehearsal dinner. Just have your rehearsal dinner and give your parents their gift in private at any other appropriate time and thank them then. Doesn't have to be the night of the rehearsal dinner but can be so long as it's done afterwards or beforehand (whenever it can be done without the other parent present). Best of Luck.
P.S. - The answer given by PT&L (??, the first poster anyway) would also be just fine. Depends what you and your fiance are most comfortable with. Just make things as stress-free for yourselves as possible. There's already so much stress in planning and executing a wedding.
2006-10-03 18:45:44 · answer #1 · answered by Super-Mom9 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The last first - it is only polite to thank both sets of parents - after all, they raised each of you and got you to that point.
As for a "gift" for parents - it's certainly not required, but your idea of a frame is good - but maybe hold off until you can put your wedding portrait in it. I gave my mom an album of wedding photos. With you having a problem with your future inlaws - how about you just be nice and do the same for them. They were not obligated to pay for anything for the wedding - that should have been up to you and your fiance. They must have done some things right in their life - they raised a son that ends up marrying you! Don't be so harsh!
2006-10-04 01:26:36 · answer #2 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you should have to get his parents a thank you gift if they haven't done anything to help out. I can understand a really nice gift for yours since they put in a lot of time and money and effort. However, since they will be your new in-laws and it's best to not start your new wedded life on the wrong foot, get them a nice thank you for attending card and a gift certificate to a restaurant or something. Nothing too fancy seeing the way they're acting right now, but something to placate them.
2006-10-03 10:05:53 · answer #3 · answered by Jules 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give your parents the gift in private--not in front of anyone. I don't see why his parents should receive a gift.
Since when do the bride and groom give parents a gift anyway? Never have heard of it before! In the "olden days", the bride's parents paid for the wedding, and the groom's parents paid for the rehearsal dinner.
But it is very thoughtful to thank your parents. They will appreciate the photo and thank you note.
2006-10-03 10:43:12 · answer #4 · answered by Cat Lover 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just because they are acting a little rude doesn't mean you should act rude too. What kind of a pattern is that going to establish?
Give them a gift to thank them for raising their wonderful son, whom you love (write a note about that, in the card). Not as "payback" for helping plan the wedding.
2006-10-03 10:03:55 · answer #5 · answered by Etiquette Gal 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tough situation. I say give them a gift, but nothing quite as sentimental as what you are giving your parents. Maybe a token of appreciation for being there to help in the small capacity that they have? It doesn't seem like they've done much of anything to help at all but sometimes it's easier to just keep the peace!
2006-10-03 10:03:19 · answer #6 · answered by PT&L 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You do not need to give his mom or parents anything. Give the gift in private, you don't need to hurt anyone's feelings, eventhough yours have been hurt by his mother.
2006-10-03 10:10:34 · answer #7 · answered by ee 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should give her a "Thank you" card. Like "thank you" for showing up. :) And don't pass up the chance to give you parents that photo when you should.
2006-10-03 10:11:02 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nope. Do what you wanna do. It's your wedding and you are not obligated to do what you don't want to do. Especially since they aren't "deserving" of it.
2006-10-03 11:22:40 · answer #9 · answered by sxysparkler 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋