I have a wonderful relationship with a really amazing guy. We've been dating exclusively for the past two and a half years. We've even talked about marriage and all. But recently, we've been getting into such stupid fights about the most miniscule and almost irrelevant topics; I think it's because both he and I are strong-minded. Because of these fights and complications, I feel like I want to be sure he's the one I want to be with and eventually marry. In essence, I want to keep my eyes open...I'm not completely sure of what I want. But it's hurting me inside that I feel this way. Is it wrong of me to feel this way? ...Of wanting to keep my options open?
2006-10-03 09:55:15 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Oh ya, I'm 21 and he's 22.
2006-10-03 09:57:53 · update #1
OK, I'm getting married in 5 weeks to a girl that I've been with for 6 years. believe me, during that time we have experienced exactly what you're experiencing. Here's the deal: if you never fight at all, and have not learned how to have conflicts and resolve them, then you're in no way prepared to have a life together. If you get into little fights about this and that, and they escalate, then get resolved--you're in a healthy relationship.
keeping your eyes open is OK, you want to feel sure of your decision to be with somebody in the long term. Howver, be careful of taking this person for granted, or taking the things you have for granted, because that's when you really start to hurt people, and hurt yourself.
2006-10-03 10:04:04 · answer #1 · answered by Drew 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I guess you two don't have much contradicting principles on things. That's why I am sure of the thought that you won't be able reach the two-and-a-half-year mark if there were any grave differences lurking within the two of you.
But rushing up to matrimony is not always the key. Just imagine a man and a woman who have known each other on their mid-20's, started dating on their late 20's, and have just got married after a 15-year engagement. I know they've already known each other through that (loooooooooooooooooong, to most people) engagement, or maybe not, but not as worse as those of short-term engaged couples.
What you guys need is to share out your love to each other, for true and unconditional love begets faith, trust, strength, and comprehension.
2006-10-03 10:16:22 · answer #2 · answered by Grifter Heavenspike 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, you need to talk to him about this. He might be feeling the same way that you are. Fights can help a couple but can also cause scars that are very deep. What is the root of the fights?
Have your feelings for him changed or has someone esle crossed your path that make you doubt your feelings? Love is a very complicated thing and takes alot of work.. If people tell you that it's not work they aren't in a real relationship!!
2006-10-03 10:01:55 · answer #3 · answered by truckmama_34 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are very smart to keep your options open. It is not wrong to feel this way. Actually, it is an extremely mature attitude you've taken about this.
People in long-term relationships do go through phases like the one you describe. You appear to be a serious-minded young woman of good character and, if you decide to marry this man-
you want to be certain of that committment.
2006-10-03 10:01:43 · answer #4 · answered by Angela 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi there,
Truthfully, as difficult as it is, you should probably trust your gut on this one! "Till death do we part" is a LONG time, and you want to be with someone who makes you feel like a million bucks, who you respect, who you can honestly say, "this is the person I want to share the rest of my life with!"
Your boyfriend is probably a great person as you say, and you are probably a great person, too. And it is so hard to leave someone you care about and have shared so much with. But trust me--it's a whole lot harder to stay in a relationship you are not sure about. When I was going through this same situation, someone told me, relationships rarely stay the same; they are either getting better or getting worse. From what you say, it doesn't sound like yours is getting better.
Yes, it will be really hard to let go of this person. I was in the same boat as you, and eventually ended the relationship. IT WAS THE BEST THING FOR BOTH OF US -- WE BOTH FOUND SOMEONE BETTER FOR US! We are still friends, and we are so glad for the time we had, but we are glad it has turned into just friendship. Of course it hurt for a while, for both of us. But it would have hurt a lot worse if it had just kept going on.
Good luck!
2006-10-03 10:01:18 · answer #5 · answered by Cathy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This a common feeling , always things are best between the couples but when it comes to marriage then comes revision and hesitation. This because marriage is other relation , it bears responsibility, loyalty to the partner and one and last choice.. In your case do not hesitate , forget this feeling and go ahead unless it comes from him clearly lest you repent later a fair lost chance to establish a family .
2006-10-03 10:10:14 · answer #6 · answered by Nilehawk 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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your life. Don't need to be shy, be straight forward and allways say what
you want and expect from the others.
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2006-10-03 09:59:27 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
NOpe.. and you should tell him how you feel. what you are feeling is that you are no longer growing in this relatioship and that its time to move on.
This time though when you hit the dating scene date as many different guys as you can - casually don't committ to anyone - and just continue to grow and learn about yourself.. in a few years someone will pop up and you will then know enough about yourself and what you want to take advantage of it!
2006-10-03 10:06:38 · answer #8 · answered by .... 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you give up all the other options you will see something that you cannot see with the back door option.
it really depends on what you choose - that is what will inform the life you have. If you have not chosen this guy - no sweat but that choice to not choose is what is informing your life and the relationship. Nothing wrong with that.
2006-10-03 09:59:13 · answer #9 · answered by zigzagidiot 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Aww! i be attentive to what you propose! I met my husband on line some years in the past, and we've been long distance for 9 months. i thought approximately him each 2d of daily. And whilst he grow to be offline a couple of minutes, whilst he got here back, i in my opinion did get that frightened feeling in my tummy that made me excited, yet ill. yet, it grow to be exhilaration. the relationship grow to be unusual, diverse, and a thrill. The facebook undertaking is SO frightening! i did not upload him to mine till months once I met him....and then we found out facebook basically pronounced previous ****, and we deleted them. huge tip: you don't be attentive to him. I spoke to my guy for 5+ hours daily, each so often as much as 9. We texted, webcam'd, all that jazz...yet I nonetheless did not /be attentive to/ him till a stable twelve months into shifting in mutually. as quickly as I first have been given here with him, we did not say 2 words to one yet another the 1st week. in actuality, we ended up texting collectively as he labored greater suitable than speaking. It grow to be bizarre and we've been very shy..that butterfly feeling will stick around once you meet him for a protracted time. on line relationships can artwork out..however the complicated artwork and humorous thoughts do not end as quickly as you meet. they're all very familiar in spite of the indisputable fact that, and that i wish you the main suitable of luck ^_^
2016-10-01 21:44:48 · answer #10 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋