My mom was married long enough the first time to have me. He lives in the same town as I do and has a son two years older then my oldest. Most of his brothers and their families live in this town as well. Do I tell my kids about this and how do I do it? What do I say to them?
2006-10-03 09:23:46 · 15 answers · asked by dr's mom 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I am wondering if I should tell my kids about my mother's first husband (my father). He gave me up rights to me when I was 6 and my mom's second husband adopted me. Should I tell my kids about her past and about this man and his family.
2006-10-03 09:30:11 · update #1
Not sure if I am wording this correct or not. I am wondering if I should tell my kids about my biological father and his family. My son has been in activities with his son who is two years older then mine. My son is 7 and wants to know why he can not go to his friends house to play. What do I tell him? Do I tell him the truth about his friend (who happens to be his uncle)?
2006-10-03 09:32:42 · update #2
My son is 7 and my daughter is 3. We live in a small town and not sure if they will find out from someone else. His son knows who I am and knows my kids.
2006-10-03 09:33:57 · update #3
I don't care if he wants to have something to do with me or my kids. He decided to leave when I was 10 months old and was getting ready to have heart surgery. I was thinking about doing this becuase his son and my son are so close in age and they want to be friends. Not sure if I could handle that or not and what to say to my kids about him.
2006-10-03 09:43:50 · update #4
If you live within a small community then I think it is best to tell them. They will hear it sooner or later & best from their mom. If there is any connection between the two families then yes, also tell them. They have a right to know also say later inlife one of them decide to date or marry "your brother or sister" that would be wrong on more than one level, ya know, so ... tell them
2006-10-03 09:33:39 · answer #1 · answered by staxi 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I am assuming that you have NO relationship with this man? Right? Your son is 7 he may be too young to understand what happened. However it would be better for you to tell him then him find out from someone else. Maybe just explain to him what happened and who these people are, but that you have no relationship with them. I don't know this one is tough. Are you married? If so, talk to your husband and see what he thinks of it.
Maybe it would be best if you wait a few years before you tell him. He may get angry and lash out at the other children(his uncles) and they may not even know themselves.
However, I would not let him go to their house at all. Just come up with an excuse.
Good Luck. You are in a very tough situation!!
As far as seeing if this man wants to be in your life, as someone above said, that is total BS, He signed his rights away. I would treat him like a complete stranger. Who my kids know as their grandpa isn't, and they will never know the truth. He saw my youngest when she was three days old, only because it was convenient for him. But he lives in another state 10 hours away.
As for your daughter, she is three and way to young to understand.
If you don't want your son to go over to his house just say you don't like his parents, and if your son goes back and tells the kid that, who cares? It can't hurt him anymore than he has hurt you!
2006-10-03 11:16:23 · answer #2 · answered by tnmomof2as 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your son wants to be freinds with his son than that is a problem you need to decide you if want. If you can not handle your son making freinds with his this is not his problem but yours and you will need to explain to your son why he cannot play with this kid, and it can be as simple as you do not like his parents. But please remember the sins of the father are not the sins of the son, so my vote is let the kids play if you know for sure that your fathers's son knows the story than yes you will need to tell your son but if he doesn't than you may work it out when they just never know
2006-10-03 10:00:23 · answer #3 · answered by ellc123 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you should talk with your biological father first. if he still doesn't want to be a part of your life or the lives of your children, then you can avoid the confusion of telling the kids and then having to explain why their biologic grandpa doesn't want to see them. ask your mom and stepdad what they feel. and talk to your wife. maybe she can help you sort out what's best as someone that is close to everyone but still somewhat of a third party.
as a side note, my husband just recently found out his grandfather was adopted so the family that he thought was his by blood wasn't. it didn't bother him (he's 27), but it's just one of those things that you should know about yourself. I think at some point in their lives, you should let them know, but there should be no harm in letting them grow up a little bit.
2006-10-03 09:39:20 · answer #4 · answered by docal 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sure why not. I mean it all worked out in the end and it sounds like it had a happy ending. Depending on how old they are if they are old enough to understand that is. Maybe just bring it up during a dinner convo or something. Technically I guess they would have step brothers but its up to them if they want to make contact with them. I dont think they would though.
Good Luck
2006-10-03 09:34:00 · answer #5 · answered by Kit 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
That is a personal question that you should be answering and just take our advice. Does he have contact with you now, does he want contact with you now. He may have been very young in those days and was not ready for a child...I don't know the story behind it. If you and him have contact, then I would say yes...but introduce him as his first name, I think it would crush your father to have him called Grandpa as well. Thats a tough one, good luck!
2006-10-03 09:34:08 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i wouldn't. we have never told my 4 yr old about his real grandfather. my husbands father was a loser and we haven't heard from him in 7 years. as far as my son knows, my husbands step dad is his grandpa. besides, if he wanted nothing to do with you he will probably feel the same about your kids
2006-10-03 09:33:06 · answer #7 · answered by jacemo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why is it your son's business? Gramma is Gramma and Gramps is Gramps and that's all that anyone should care about. Your father was a sperm donor. Your step father obviously cared enough to adopt you and be a father to you. That's really all that matters.
2006-10-03 09:32:53 · answer #8 · answered by sovereign_carrie 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
does your father have anything to do with your life now? If not then I would not say anything until they are old enough to understand or if they ask about the family tree.
2006-10-03 09:33:14 · answer #9 · answered by mysticideas 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Only if he and his family want to be involved in your kids lives.
2006-10-03 09:31:18 · answer #10 · answered by Juniper C 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋