Could you just give up?

Question

My boyfriend told me that he is having doubts about us living together and he has a 'bad feeling' about it. He said "I'm not saying don't move up, I'm just asking that you think about it. Are you going to be happy?" I am changing my life and am moving no matter what in a couple of weeks. I told him that either we try, or we never talk again and say good bye.

Sometimes I think that he doesn't know what he got himself into and is doubting everything including the way I feel about him. The other part of me says that I can't live the rest of my life wondering "what if".

It is so easy for people to say to not move in, but when your heart is involved it's not that easy. How can I just ignore the love I have for him and move on without giving it a real chance?

Answer 1

theres a song right now, not sure who its by but the chorus goes

"people in love do everything wrong"

and it keeps repeating, I think its just trying to say that our emotions go overboard when we are in love, we don't necessarily know what we are doing.

Underneath all of this he's concerned about you being happy and its also concerned understandably about his. People are usually happier around happy people.

If it would make you happy moving in with him maybe you should have simply said "Yes" but it sounds like you gave him an earful, this probably isn't going to give him confidence that you will be happy.

Essentially you have just threatened him, when he's just looking for reassurance (guys need this too by the way) !!

I'm sorry if this is not what you want to hear. But if of this rings true then you need to take more responsibility about how your behaviour effects others.

So if i've hit the nail on the head, then you need to apologise, stick with him and promise to improve. Say your looking forward to moving in with him when you have sorted yourself out and can be happy. Ask for his support in doing this.

Answer 2

moving in is a HUGE step. Maybe he is just scared. If he is not ready for that step, just back off a lil and give him time. Yes, your heart is involved, but you guys can still be together without living with each other. You guys need to sit down and talk. Does he want to break up with you or just doubts on the living together part? Living together is scary and some people need more time than others. He might not know what he is getting himself into, so he's making sure its the right thing to do befor you guys live together and everything falls apart. Respect he's feelings about moving in together and you guys can still be together and we both are ready, go for it.

Answer 3

Personally, I believe your boyfriend is right and you shouldn't be so harsh with him. Sounds like you both need more time to figure out if this relationship is ready for the pressure you're putting it under. See, the problem is that living together feels like being married and while I know that sounds amazing, it's really hard sometimes and you lose a ton of freedom. I think you should tell your BF that you understand he's not ready and that you love him and will stay put until the two of you reach a decision that makes you both happy. Love is sacrificing and being compassionate and you haven't show you can handle either of those. Save yourself the heartache and just give it more time.

Answer 4

Ok wow! I am in almost the same situation! I am living almost 1000 miles away from my boyfriend and he wants me to move out there...but I am not so sure. So basically I am coming from your boyfriends point of view. I can tell you that spending the rest of your life with that "What If" feeling won't be easy. Ignoring your love for him will not be easy....so don't ignore it. Chances are that he is just worried that you might not be happy living with him. He is probably scared that you might regret it. My advice to you is that you should go with your gut feeling. If he is willing to try the living situation...then definitely go for it. And if it doesn't work out then at least you won't wonder "what if". And make sure that you communicate with him. What I mean by this is that, you both should express your feelings and thoughts thoroughly. Try to be open minded with what he says...these are his feelings and you can't help how you feel. I hope that everything works out for you! Good Luck! Remember...."When one door closes, another one always opens."

Answer 5

If I were you, I would move in but give yourself a time limit, say 3 months. Talk to your boyfriend and tell him that it is a trial thing and if things do not work out then you will move out, but would still want to be with him. During this trial period, you will be able to tell if you do have the same feelings as he does about living together. He might be having doubts because he is not ready to make that move, he might feel smothered and will know that he will not have "free time" because you will always be around.

Answer 6

I absolutely agree. I'd rather take my chances than sit around pondering what if. However if your friend is having doubts, that is a red flag to at least talk it out some more with him. I would hate for you to make a move with sincerity on your behalf and not have the same from him. Good luck.

Answer 7

If you have these concerns it is only going to get worse. And even though you say you love him, you CAN get over him.
You are giving your power away. Don't do that.
Never let someone else decide what HE is going to do with the rest of YOUR life.
Be strong and God bless!

Answer 8

When anyone says, "let's take a break," or "maybe we should slow down," the next step is splitting up. The initiater is trying to do it slowly but the end result will be you two going your separate ways.

Answer 9

Sounds to me like you have given it a good chance and things just haven't worked out. Sometimes its painful to let go of a dream, but that's just it. It's a dream. You have to let it go or it will hurt you. Plus, if you love him, then don't you want him to find someone that he'll love?

Answer 10

I say that you should try & that if it doesn't work you won't have to say what if? I would do the same thing cause your heart is talking to you & in my opinion it makes alot of sense. Good Luck!