How do you deal with a depressed spouse without becoming depressed yourself?

Question

My husband is always so down and he never wants to do anything. When I get involved in things without him he gets all down because I have stuff to do and he doesn't, but he never wants to come with me. He's taken antidepressants in the past but he doesn't like them and they really didn't seem to help much. What can I do to help him and also keep myself from falling into his depression?

Answer 1

You husbands depression is not your fault and he'll need to work it out on his own and with your support.
In the meantime, you must stay strong, in other words, keep up your own good habits, go out with your friends, be active, positive, don't feel guilty that he chooses to be home alone. He'll need to catch up with you and you'll both be the better for it.
I would also recommend you evaluate his diet and exercise... and if its really bad has he tried talk therapy?

Answer 2

Sorry to hear that....If the drugs aren't helping him then you really need to find out what's the underlying cause of the depression and go from there. I think some people though are just depressed by genetics but for others there's definitely things you can do to make someone feel happier. Be part of something like a club, or get a pet. Become active in something. As a last resort I heard they now can perform survery with varying results.

Answer 3

Dump him. Okay, yeah, that sounds harsh but I left my last boyfriend when he was depressed. I'm sure everyone else is giving you advice on how to help him, but the truth is, in the long run, pouring your heart and soul into making him feel better when he doesn't get better WILL make you feel the same way he does. If he says he doesn't want to go out, go out without him. Don't let yourself be poured into the trap of trying to make a guy feel better. Have fun by yourself or with your friends. Your spouse, no matter how important to you he is, is not the only person on Earth, and you can have your own life. Eventually he might see how much fun you're having without him, and follow, but your primary concern should be yourself.

Answer 4

Encourage him more to come out to places with you. Make it sound like you really need him to come with you and he should come with and he could really have a lot of fun.

Sometimes people are just determined to stay depressed and don't even want to try to get out of their depression, which is sad. Ask him why he wants to stay depressed maybe, otherwise the main thing I can think of is to just try to push getting him more involved in other things so that he will have things to do as well and once a person gets more busy with things, there is much less time to even think about being depressed.

Answer 5

He has to be willing to help himself. Offer to take him places to do stuff, and when he refuses remind yourself that it is his choice. He needs to get out and be with people to help him feel better, but he has to make that choice. He also needs to go back to the doctor and try some different medications. Sometimes it takes a while to find the right one or combination. The only thing you can do is offer your assistance, and keep reminding yourself that he is choosing to live this way and be depressed by refusing your invitations and not taking care of himself.

Answer 6

Well first you need to take care of yourself, go and do things with friends even if he doesnt want to go, Second you need to get him back to the doctor there are many kinds of meds and maybe a different one will help more third you might try your local mental health clinic if he wont go try to get a support group for families. It is hard not to follow them right into depression especially a spouse cause we are used to doing things together and all of a sudden he doesnt want to do anything. GoodLuck

Answer 7

Use the strength you already have and remember that it is his problem to be solved and not your problem to be solved.

Through your continued support he will come out of it.
Sometimes trying to get a depressed person into something that you are doing, even something as simple as opening a jar, lends to their self worth.

A lot has to with what he is depressed about. You did not say.

My girlfriend is frequently depressed and I remember that I am in it for her. When she isn't depressed it makes everything better.

Answer 8

My girlfriend answered on my account. I would like to say that I wasn't depressed ever, but sometimes I have been down. This got us into a lot of arguements, mainly because I did not want to participate in anything..... It got her down as well, her solution would be to ignore and do fun stuff. In these cases I would consider her acting hardcore on me.. Eventually I realised that one day she might replace me, bacause I was not making her happy. And when a relationship starts, it is happines that the couple promises each other, and strives for. Talking about it, however, definately helps. Make him realise your feelings! Good luck!

Answer 9

People with deperssion can "suck you in" I was depressed for a while, but my wife kept insisting, and taking me to events and places. It works. Self imposed solitary behavior simply exaggerates the depressed person, and they get worse. They need intermingling with others and places of interest. It might take a while and a lot of encouragement, but it is worth the effort. A Drs. appointment is in order, also. Be patient and best of luck.

Answer 10

He NEEDS to go back to the Dr. and get a different medication, not all medications work for everyone, its taken me 4 years to find the right medicaiton for me, and the meds take up to 4 weeks to start working. Hang in there, try to talk to him about your concerns if you can.