A few funny jokes?

Question

After a number of attacks on hikers and campers in


Alaska, the Department of Fish and Game released the


following advisory:


We advise that outdoorsmen wear noisy little bells on


their clothing so as not to startle bears. We also


advise outdoorsmen to carry pepper spray with them in


case of an encounter with a bear. It is also a good


idea to watch out for fresh signs of bear activity.




Outdoorsmen should recognize the difference between


Black Bear and Grizzly Bear poop. Black bear poop is


smaller and contains lots of berries and squirrel fur.


Grizzly bear poop has little bells in it and smells


like pepper.






A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus in


front of his office, ready to show it off to his


colleagues. As he got out, a truck passed too close


and completely tore off the door on the driver's side.


The lawyer immediately grabbed his cell phone, dialed


911, and within minutes a policeman pulled up.


Before the officer had a chance to ask any questions,


the lawyer started screaming hysterically. His Lexus,


which he had just picked up the day before, was now


completely ruined and would never be the same, no


matter what the body shop did to it.




When the lawyer finally wound down from his ranting


and raving, the officer shook his head in disgust and


disbelief. "I can't believe how materialistic you


lawyers are," he said. "You are so focused on your


possessions that you don't notice anything else."




"How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer.




The cop replied, "Don't you know that your left arm is


missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn


off when the truck hit you."




"My God" screamed the lawyer. "Where's my Rolex?"






A kindergarten teacher decides she’s going to teach


her students a lesson about the five senses. She wants


to start with taste, so she brings in flavored sucking


candies to class, blindfolds the children, and asks


them to taste each one. The students have no problem


identifying the cherry, lemon, and lime flavors, but


when it comes to the honey sucker, they’re stumped.




“I’ll give you a hint,” the teacher says. “You may


hear your mommies and daddies call each other this


flavor at home.”




“Spit ’em out Spit ’em out” cries one child.


“They’re assholes”






A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor


I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn't


bother me too much. My farts never smell and are


always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at


least 20 times since I've been here in your office.


You didn't know I was farting because they don't smell


and are silent."




The doctor says, "I see, take these pills and come


back to see me next week."




The next week the lady comes back. "Doctor," she says,


"I don't know what the hell you gave me, but now my


farts...although still silent...stink terribly."




The doctor says, "Good Now that we've cleared up


your sinuses, let's work on your hearing."

Answer 1

You are sooooooooooooooooooooooo bad.

Answer 2

Very funny, but you should've kept the lines of each joke together, being so seprerate its hard to read and makes it feel much longer.

Answer 3

hahahahahahahah that was once so humorous you made my day hahahahahaahahahahahaahahahahah one hundred/one hundred that was once high-quality im def making use of the ones thx alot .. a celeb from me ahahahahah omg maintain it up

Answer 4

Those are funny! Made me laugh.

Answer 5

well they didnt have me rolling on the floor but still pretty funny!

Answer 6

the asshole one and the last one are the best. thxs

Answer 7

really funny, the last one was amazing...lol

Answer 8

haha those are funny

Answer 9

lol

Answer 10

lol thanks 4 the good laugh