SAHM and working moms...what is your opinion?

Question

"Just" a Mom ? ? ?
A woman, renewing her driver's license at the County Clerk's Office was asked by the woman recorder to state her occupation.
She hesitated, uncertain how to classify herself.
"What I mean is," explained the recorder, "do you have a job or are you just a...?"
"Of course I have a job," snapped the woman. "I'm a Mom."
"We don't list 'Mom' as an occupation, "housewife covers it," said the recorder emphatically.
I forgot all about her story until one day..I found myself in the Same
situation, this time at our own Town Hall. The Clerk was obviously a career woman, poised, efficient and posses sed of a high sounding title like, "Official Interrogator" or "Town Registrar."
"What is your occupation?" she probed.
What made me say it? I do not know. The words simply popped out. "I'm a Research Associate in the field of Child Development and Human Relations."
The clerk paused, ball-point pen frozen in midair and looked up
As though she had not heard right

Emphasizing the most significant words. Then I stared with wonder as my pronouncement was written in bold, black ink on the official questionnaire. "Might I ask," said the clerk with new interest, "just what you do in your field?" Coolly, without any trace of fluster in my voice, I heard myself Reply, "I have a continuing program of research, (what mother doesn't) in the laboratory and in the field, (normally I would have said indoors and out). I'm working for my Masters, (the whole darned family) and already have four credits (all daughters). Of course, the job is one of the most demanding in the humanities, (any mother care to disagree?) and I often work 14 hours a day, (24 is more like it). But the job is more challenging than most run-of-the-mill careers and the rewards are more of a satisfaction rather than just money." There was an increasing note of respect in the clerk's voice as she completed the form, stood up and personally ushered me to the door

As I drove into our driveway, buoyed up by my glamorous new career, I was greeted by my lab assistants -- ages 13, 7, and 3. Upstairs I could hear our new experimental model, (a 6 month old baby) in the child development program, testing out a new vocal pattern. I felt I had scored a beat on bureaucracy! And I had gone on the official records as someone more distinguished and indispensable to mankind than "just
another Mom." Motherhood! . What a glorious career! Especially when there's a title on the door. Does this make grandmothers "Senior Research associates in the field of Child Development and Human Relations" and great grandmothers "Executive Senior Research Associates"? I think so!!! I also think it makes Aunts "Associate Research Assistants.

I received this as an e mail today and couldn't resist, with all of the bickering back and forth lately between SAHM and working moms wouldn't it be great if we could all just honor the other persons choices.

Answer 1

LOL!!! I have read this in the past, and totally loved it! I got a call from a credit card company one day asking if I wanted their card. heck..sometimes it is easier to just answer the questions and get turned down than to try to tell them no. But anyway, they asked my profession. i said I am a stay at home mother. The MALE chuckled and asked if i considered that a skilled trade. Guess that was a legit question from the application, but boy did steam roll out my ears!!

To all the mom's out there who are "just mom's*...YES it IS a skilled trade. Do you think it takes no skill to argue with a 3 year old about something and maintain your cool al the time? Do you think it takes no skill to take 4 kids to the grocery store and not choke them when they all ask for stuff over and over after being told no? (Not literally choke them of course...) I told this guys yes I DO consider it a skilled trade. Otherwise mothers across this country and fathers alike really, would not be drowning their children, beating their kids, starving them, strapping them into a car and pushing it into a lake....get my point? He was very quiet. Needless to say, I did not get the credit card, but I DID get my oint made.

It's not easy to stay at home with kids all day with little or no adult interaction. It takes someone with great patience and honestly...SKILL!! Sorry to be so long, but people who treat SAHM like dirt (or dads too) sometimes need someone to lay it out just that way!! LOL!!!

I have been *just a mom* for nealry 13 years now, and I wouldn't trade it for anything. I have seen the first smile, the first step, the forst word. I get paid so much more by staying home!! And...even with the years of experience I have at jobs from before the kids...people around here won't pay enough to make it worthwhile. I'd pay more out to siters than I would make!! I'll stay home....my babies need me!!

Answer 2

I'm a very proud SAHM! But I have nothing against working moms. I had the job and hated it ! I was in a car accident and was told by the claims rep that under no circumstances would I receive any additional settlement because I was, in her words, "JUST A HOUSEWIFE". I just wish the world had a better understanding of what a good SAHM does all day. We have no sick leave, no vacation days or personal days. I don't remember the last time I got to lay around the house because I had a cold or the flu! I generally have 1 hour a day to myself; no lunch hour and my work day is 7 days a week, from 7am t0 9 pm and on call the rest of the time. I am one f the very few fortunate SAHM's whose husband does chip in after his workday, but I am still never completely off the clock. The paycheck is lousy, but the fringe benefits are outstanding and you can't beat the commute!

Answer 3

It is frustrating when people make it sound like being a mom isn't a job. It's a full time job that lasts 24/7 until you die. You're always on call, and even though your kids grow up, your job description just changes with them.

I have found though that most people asking about jobs are thoughtful enough to ask, do you work outside the home, or do you work at home? That's a lot nicer than making it sound like I sit on the couch eating bon bons all day.

I like the Research Associate job title, usually I say I'm a Domestic Engineer if I want to be snippy with a dumbass that thinks I don't have a real job.

Answer 4

Awesome. I'm so glad you said that, lol. Being a mom is one of the hardest and most important jobs and should not be looked down upon, or described as "just a mom".

Way to stand up for all the moms out there who deserve more credit!

Answer 5

I have done both. Not sure what I like better. I like being at home with my kids, but I like the paycheck too. For now I am working outside the home as well as in the home. I use to tell people that I work for D & R Inc. (Dylan & Riley, my kids). I got some very funny looks and they would ask what I did there. I could tell them in a shorter time span what i didn't do. Whatever you shoose to do has to be right for you and your family. Thanks for putting a better title to what women have been doing for years. Way to go!!

Answer 6

Just because someone stays home with their children does not mean that they do not work. Good for you for putting it like that. It would be nice if the term "housewife" was updated to something that is a little more Politically Correct

Answer 7

I don't really know what the question is here.....but I am a working mom but I will tell you I am more exhausted on the days I am home with my daughter. So does that mean I hold two full time jobs? I wish I could quit my job and be home with my daughter but we can't afford the mortgage with out two incomes.

Answer 8

Heh, amazing. Those things just come to you sometimes. I cut my thumb on a manila file on the inside webbing then barked the same thumb knuckle on the outside while I was cleaning last night, and started swearing about cutting my thumb off. My boyfriend goes, "Look out! Over-exaggeration monster, here he comes, over-exaggeration monster, not as big as he seems, RAWR," I looked at him, not quite realizing what he said, then laughed til I almost peed.

Answer 9

You go girl! I am a working Mom, but admire those of you who stay home. To work, or not to work is a very personal choice. I love my job, bur consider Mom as my primary role. Way to stand up for women every where!!

Answer 10

When my firstborn arrived, I was still in my liberated feminist mode and knew he had to go to daycare. I trusted no one but my family and so my hours shifted to evening and my husband was the caregiver.

Well,l thank god I was a liberated feminist - a strong woman who can hold her own - because when I heard my son crying night after night when I'd call to check on him, crying while we were supposed to be having it all!!!!! - this strong woman said, "MY GOD, I've been fed a load of baloney by the media about babies and their needs." And this strong woman said to her husband - "HEY, I'm not working anymore. Our baby needs me."

And then I pulled out all my infant development books from my psych degree, and lo and behold, it's right there - they need us, they actually need us!

NICHD has been studying day care use for decades. Lots of day care using mommies are doing these studies, and so they always try to couch the results in ....lies. The last block that showed how day care increases aggressiveness and lowers school performance for up to 12 years after day care - this is how the author of the study responded to my query about the data. Mind you, the data showed the bad effects occur with a nanny, daddy, grandma, 5 star day care center, or your neigbor's'day care. The damage is always there. And the study head says to me - well, we don't know that it's separation from mom that's causing the damage, it could be the paint color at the center. I asked her if daddies paint the houses a different color when their wives are at work. Our correspondence ended immediately.

Despite these guilt-ridden or ideologically-frozen women's attempts to hide the results, they're loud and clear. One researcher, Jay Belsky, came out and said the time has come to stop pretending we're not hurting the kids with day care.

NICHD results show this result of infant mother separation before age 5 - lower iq, lower social skills, worse school performance, lower approval from daddy, less bonding with mommy, less attached to mommy. And this is what they can glean from the limitations of study designs.

Day care workers lie to the moms - and themselves - i guess you have to lie to yourself to guard a baby prison - and tell moms - oh the baby is happy when you've gone. they stop crying immediately.

Because I heard my son cry endlessly and whenever my sister popped in to check on her baby she found her crying, I don't even believe it. But, our kids refused to adapt to the abandonment and demanded we come back. A lot of babies give up. The crying stops simply because the baby learns it doesn't work to cry. Nothing changes, mommy doesn't come back.

Research also shows a baby's brain is flooded with a stress hormone when baby is separated from mommy. While in this state, learning is impaired and the baby learns that mommy doesn't care how he feels, even wants him to feel that way. The constant stress hormone bath predisposes this child to anxiety and mood disorders and the child learns that the world (mommy) is unreliable and uncaring.

So, how do I feel about 'at-home' moms versus moms who leave the mothering of their own flesh and blood to others? Oh, everyone has to make their own choices....