I want to get along with her, but all she wants to do is bad mouth him. He is a good dad, but the kids and her think he is too strict. If I agree with him, then I am the enemy. She likes me as long as I don't agree with him.
She thinks it is ok for the kids to lie to him. The kids live with us every other week. They are 14 and 16. This has been going on for 5 yrs. How can I be friends with her and not have to take sides with her and the kids. He is a great Dad and is completely devoted to his kids, and they think he is an idiot. What would you do? I've talked to him and he says he can't do anything about the way she talks about him to the kids.
2006-10-03 06:35:21 · 11 answers · asked by Ellyn 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
She sounds like a real piece of work. She is harming those children by pulling that kind of crap with them. I commend you for your strength and love, but you need to put your foot down and have a heart to heart with the ex in front of your husband. Next you need to sit the kids down and lay down the law. If he works and provides and they live in his home, they need to show absolute respect for him.What a terrible situation for you. Good luck.
2006-10-03 06:53:06 · answer #1 · answered by dumb guy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is a terrible thing for the (X-her) to bad mouth the father. No matter what , he is their father and always will be. Nothing can ever change that. She is very selfish to do this to him, especially when he is a good Dad and tries his best. Obviously he hurt her so bad that she can't think straight and wants to get back at him by using her children. How can she use her children for this purpose. What she is doing to her children is unforgivable.? Maybe she should try to get herself some help.
My grandchildrens father is a real dope, don't want to work, hangs around but he LOVES his children and the children LOVE him. I can't stand the father, but I would never bad mouth him or say anything against him because I love the children so much and they are hurt enought not having their mom and dad together. My daughter, their Mom is a wonderful mother and she is at the point that she actually hates the dad but even she realizes that she has to bite her tongue and not say negative things about him. In time these children will realize what a loser he is but it won't stop them from Loving him and when they realize this it will hurt them enough. Most Mom's want the best for their children, obviously this woman is very selfish and self centered and cares about no one but herself. I really feel bad that those children are growing up in such a hateful situation. I wish you the best. Take care and God Bless.
2006-10-03 13:50:43 · answer #2 · answered by sam04m 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is called brainwashing!! Honey the kids know that there dad is a good dad!!! There mother is trying to con troll there thoughts feelings etc!!! Kids will grow up sooner or later!!! They will see what is really going on!!! My boyfriends ex does the same and we have the kids also every other weekend!!! Same crap!!! Dont try and be her friend!!! Its a trap!! Stay out of her business!!! Be there and deal with her only for the kids!!! If she is bad mouthing there father than you need to step away from her completely!!! Why be friends with someone who is doing something so low down as to talk to the kids so badly of there father!!! Its wrong!! Dont play into the game!! She needs you on her side!!! Dont!! She is miserable!!! If you know this man is a good father than stand behind him! He needs your support! Kick her to the curb!
2006-10-03 13:47:35 · answer #3 · answered by TBONE 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For one, do not take sides. You need to keep your mouth shut. They will one day wake up and see he is not the bad guy. If she is giving in and letting them do what they want, then yes, they see him as the strict one. You can not be friends with her. All you can do is be civil and move on. Why would you want to be friends with someone that treats him that way. Most ex's have nothing good to say about the other person. Deal with that and be there for the kids when they do figure it out. Love him and stand by him in whatever decisions he makes about HIS kids. Good luck.
2006-10-03 13:40:16 · answer #4 · answered by dr's mom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being her friend should not be your focus nor is it wise. You are married to her ex-husband. True friendship will never happen because there would always be a question of trust and loyalty. Your loyalty is to your husband. My advice would be to be "friendly, but not friends". Treat her with kindness and support your step-children in their relationship with her. Do not put yourself in a position where she is open to bad-mouth your husband. If you have allowed this to happen, put a stop to it immediately. If she has issues with his parenting she needs to deal directly with him or seek counsel elsewhere. Your lines of communication should only be about positive and simple things pertaining to the kids. All situations are different, but primarily with school-aged kids who are in your home more than just every-other-weekend, your role as a step-parent should be that of a supporter, listener, and a co-parent when necessary. Your husband needs to deal with all the heavy stuff.
2006-10-03 14:59:32 · answer #5 · answered by billy03j 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
His ex needs to understand that the kids are involved in this kind of "drama." Besides, she's the one who's creating this conflict for you and your husband, because she's expecting you to take sides. Besides, you are fully aware that he's a good father towards the children, and he has already prove it to you. If I were you, I would keep my distance from his ex and I wouldn't be interested in maintaining a friendship with her.
2006-10-03 13:47:08 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He needs to call her out on the carpet. Her expecting you to side with her in order to keep the peace in your home is her way of controlling your husband. Now matter how she feels about your husband, she needs to keep her mouth shut in regards to the kids. If your husband is indeed a good parent, then eventually they will see for themselves who really has their best interest at heart. I have a 13 year old stepdaughter. To this day, her mother tells her lies and stories about him and me too. She is finally seeing for herself who lies to her and who has her best interest at heart. She is seeing the "real" parents for who we are.
2006-10-03 13:44:41 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to let her know, actually sit her down, that you like being friends with her. THat you guys have a lot of fun together.....but that badmouthing your husband is not acceptable. Let her know that if she has something to say about him that you are no loonger going to be around to listen and that she needs to bring that up with him.
2006-10-03 13:38:54 · answer #8 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If something bad happens to you, who will come and stand by your side. Its your husband. Not her, she won't look after you.
At this very moment he is your husband but to her he is only her ex. I say side with your husband. Who is she to you. You don't need her. Its bad for you.
If I was you, I would tell her " He is my husband, my husband is important to me. Don't talk bad about him to me or don't come here".
She can tell anything to her kids but they will know when they get older but she cannot tell you
2006-10-03 14:00:18 · answer #9 · answered by Mr Business 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well you are trying to be in the middle... Run away from being her friend... who are you with... and when she speaks badly let her know it is not appropriate... let her know teaching the kids to lie is not good....
2006-10-03 13:39:15 · answer #10 · answered by Tricia P 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋