I dated this guy for 2 years and we just felt there was too big of a difference in our ages for it to work. There were 22 years between us. But we loved each other and he found this new girl a month after we broke up and now they are getting married in 3 weeks (it’s only been 2 months he has known her). Regardless he still tells me he loves me and that he is in love with her but loves me. It means a lot to him that I go to the wedding but I don’t know. on one hand I want to go just so that I can let him know im done and I don’t care anymore and on the other hand I just don’t feel like dealing with it at all. I mean his new wife hates me because he told her he still loves me and always will. I don’t love him anymore it’s just all the memories. I am trying to start new relationship and he doesn’t approve because we are different races but I don’t need his approval and I just don’t know how to let him know I don’t want to be a part of his new life. And how do I make him let me go?
2006-10-03 06:32:36 · 52 answers · asked by Ashley 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Stop playing with your life.
Don't let any one else to so.
Relax and find some one of your age.
Get a happily married life and enjoy.......
2006-10-03 06:46:37 · answer #1 · answered by Sheena 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Having read your question (and all the answers) I am surprised that nobody pointed out that this should have been resolved BEFORE you considered attending.
It isnt a matter of should you go.... its a matter of making him understand you did not WANT to be INVITED! Tell him that he can love your memories but that you have moved on and that since he is engaged to be married he obviously has as well.
Tell him that you wish him the best but that you will not be attending and that you do not wish to hear from him anymore.
Under NO circumstances should you go - this will not show him that you are over him, all it will do is make the bride upset and leave the possibility of creating a scene. You should clarify all of this before the wedding though, the wedding is NOT The place to "make it clear" that you want nothing to do with him, thats just tacky and rude.
2006-10-03 09:37:52 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't go to the wedding. The best way to show him you are done is to not go and to cut ties with him. You don't love him anymore. If you continue contact with him, it sends mixed messages.
Just close this chapter of your life and move on. It doesn't matter what he thinks about your new relationship. His disapproval should mean nothing if you are inerested in someone else.
Beyond that, it sounds like he has serious issues if he says he still loves you, yet immediately begins a relationship and marries her after such a short time. You are better off steering very clear of this situation.
2006-10-03 06:39:27 · answer #3 · answered by txgirl_2_98 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Q1: should you go to the wedding?
NO!!!!!!! You are trying to get him to let go of you. It is extremely inappropriate for him to talk about how he still loves you to his fiancee and it is even worse that he is stil trying to control you by disapproving of your current relationship. He has NO say in that. If you go to the wedding, you are sending him a signal, intentional or not, that you still "care." Do yourself a huge favor and send back that RSVP with a simple "no."
Q2: How to make him let go?
Sadly, this guy isn't getting the clue. I usually advise people to take the high road, but in this case, I would go for the more blunt approach. Don't attend the wedding, don't send a gift, at most send a card that is as generic as you can get. You might want to even sign it from both you and your new boyfriend to help get the point across. And after that, cut all communication with him. I'm sorry, but this guy sounds unstable and controlling to me and you do NOT need that in your life.
2006-10-03 07:21:11 · answer #4 · answered by Church Music Girl 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I say don't go to the wedding. If he can't let you go...it may end up like Ross and Rachel on friends and he'll say your name instead! LOL! No but seriously I wouldn't go. If he sees that you are not there...it will help him to move on. He'll see that you have moved on as well. It almost sounds like he's marrying this chick just to spite you or something because if he loves you and only known this girl for 2 months it ain't gonna work! I'm sure he knows this.
Anyways...don't go. You move on and don't have any contact with him for a while. Give it time before you are friendly. Hope this helps!
2006-10-03 06:41:58 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Do not go.
Would you want your future husband's ex-girlfriend of 2 years to come to your wedding?
He is just laying on a heavy guilt trip. You can let him know that you are done by writing him a true good bye letter. Sever all contact with this man, he is getting married.
Don't you see, you broke up with him. Don't muddy the water by keep talking to him. He will never approve of your life because you did not choose him.
You can truly make him let you go by not ever seeing or talking to this man again.
2006-10-03 06:46:33 · answer #6 · answered by lofolulu 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Do not go to the wedding. Break all ties with him. I'm surprised his future wife agreed to marry him based upon what he told her. It is, however, possible to "love" someone without "being in love." And you must be a nice person for him to feel that way about you. But it's a dangerous thing to prolong that friendship because he might eventually want more from you than you are willing to give.
2006-10-03 06:36:46 · answer #7 · answered by phoenixheat 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I dont think you should go to the wedding if you don't love him anymore, you'd complicate things for him. He tells you that he still loves you and you show up to his wedding, gives me some kind of false hope that you still love him. He future wife doesnt like you showing up and that's not her fault, how would you feel if you're in her shoe? Would you show up?
I think it's best that you move on with your life w/o him letting you go. It doesnt matter that he doesnt want to let go, as long as you let go and start fresh. It's hard but you have to give yourself some credit and start looking for a better person that suits you.
2006-10-03 06:50:30 · answer #8 · answered by tomgirl 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This guy is a wierdo. Don't go, it only makes things more confusing. I mean really, he loves you but he's in love with her? WHAT IS THAT!!! He found someone that quickly after 2 years and is marrying her in 2 months--your ex is all wrong. You don't make him let you go by going to the wedding of him and the girl he doesn't love.
2006-10-03 06:37:21 · answer #9 · answered by craftykid22 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Don't go. Tell him that it would not be fair to his fiance for you to be there.
The fact that he still tells you he loves you is a problem. And, he should realize asking you to be there is wrong from the point of view of your feelings and his fiance's feelings.
Stay away from this guy.
I invited an old GF to my wedding, I though it would be okay since we had been broken up for several years and my wife and I had been dating/engaged for over a year. It wasn't. My wife still brings it up 15 years later. If they were dating only a few months she will be very angry that you are there.
2006-10-03 06:50:24 · answer #10 · answered by Wundt 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Hi:
I strongly suggest that you move on and turn your back on this, for your ***own*** sake. It is ridiculous that this guy still professes love, and has told the girl he is to marry, and that she's ok with that. That he's jumping into this so quickly further reveals his immaturity. And you're right, you don't need anyone, especially this child, telling you who to hang with.
You're 22 years older -- surely you know better? Forget this past, and find someone closer to your own age next time.
Move on, for your own sake!!! You're right, don't deal with this at all. Don't go to the wedding. You don't belong. Say goodbye. Be polite, but firm.
2006-10-03 06:44:01 · answer #11 · answered by srutigs 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋