We wanted to go to Mexico to have our ceremony. My parent's are fine with, have even agreed to pay for everything, but his parent's keep suggesting other places. They are never rude enough to say it is a bad idea but they are always saying, "It would be really pretty to have it _ _ _ _". His dad alsosays rude things about my parent's and laughs it off like he is joking. It drives me crazy...my fiance says to ignore it. I can't because they didn't want us to get married to begin with, which is crazy because we are 24 and both college graduates with decent jobs. Any suggestions on how to handle them and their comments??
2006-10-03 06:18:53 · 30 answers · asked by GirlNextDoor 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Their own son should tell them how great it was for them to have so much history together.....they got to choose, their jobs, their kid's upbringing, their house, their vacations, their friends, their spouses, their kid's upbringings, and their wedding.
So now it is their son's turn to start choosing his own life starting with his fiance, their wedding, their wedding location, their entire LIFE!!!
Geesh, they are still trying to control him at 24?
If that doesn't stop them then tell them to keep their negative comments to themselves.
Also, your fiance needs to stand up to his father and tell him to lay off the rude comments about your family. If he does not have the balls to do this, then your entire marriage will be full of his parents vying for control.
It is truly your fiance's responsiblity to separate from his parent's wing. If he doesn't stand up for you now, they will be standing over you at the divorce hearing. In all of this your mouth should be quiet or you will look like a manipulative bride to be. Take all their rude comments to your husband and make him stand up for you.
2006-10-03 06:38:23 · answer #1 · answered by lofolulu 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
First of all, congratulations on your engagement.
Second, if his parents are not paying for the wedding, then they have no say in the plans. The next time a comment is made about how another place would be pretty simply say.....that would be a pretty place to have a wedding...I'm so excited about where we decided on, it's going to be beautiful. Leave it at that.
Depending on what his dad is saying, it is sometimes better to just ignore. Some people are just rude and have no manners. If it's something you don't feel you can ignore, then you (and your fiance needs to back you on this and be there, included in on the conversation) and tell him while you know he's only joking about the comments he makes, you're afraid your parents wouldn't think so if it got back to them. Ask him, nicely, to not do it anymore.
I always tell people to take the high road and give people the benefit of the doubt to begin with. Your fiance's parents are going to be your family too and you don't want to start things out badly if you can help it.
Best of luck!
2006-10-03 13:25:31 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
I don't see where his parents have any reason to be running off at the mouth. If you and your fiance want to get married in Mexico, and YOUR parents are paying for it, then by all means do what is going to make you happy. It's your wedding, not theirs.
I would however, have a serious talk with your fiance about his parents. I know he can't control their behavior, but telling you to just ignore it, is not going to make the problem go away. He needs to step up to the plate and talk to them and tell them that it makes both of you uncomfortable when they disrespect your parents.
Some parents are just obnoxious and weird, and they will never change. I hope that everything works out well for you, and congratulations!!
2006-10-03 13:32:39 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I found out a long time ago that you have to live for you and only you! With that being said, if you and your fiance (the ones that matter) are in sync with a destination wedding in Mexico..MAKE IT HAPPEN! You two are the ones that are getting married, this is YOUR wedding. Your parents have already had their wedding and it was the way they wanted, if it wasn't, too bad! Regarding the father's rudeness, take control of this situation now rather than later, if not always expect insults. Let your fiance know this hurts your feelings and you need for him to take some initiative and stand up for you, if not always expect to fight your own battles in this relationship.
2006-10-03 13:35:59 · answer #4 · answered by notnew2U 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Welcome to the world of inlaws. We have had this problem with my and my wife's parents. You just have to do whatever you and your to-be husband want to do, and politely ignore the noise.
You point out that they are against the wedding in general, to me that says the whole Mexico thing is just part of the larger problem. The comments about your family confirms that they don't feel you are good enough for their son. You are going to have to deal with this for many years.
You really have no choice but to just smile and take their comments. If they press about Mexico, smile, node, thank them for the suggestion and then say, "that sounds great, but our minds are made up" and leave it at that. If you start fighting back or being rude, it is going to become a wedge between you and your husband down the road.
2006-10-03 13:37:22 · answer #5 · answered by Wundt 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If they aren't paying for anything, kindly state that you enjoy having their input on the wedding but you and your fiancee have chosen Mexico. Don't entertain any ideas and please disregard the commentary from them.
Your fiancee is right. They cannot run your lives. It already seems as if they are upset about the venue. So it appears that no matter what you would have done they would have something to say.
Just remain pleasant and continue on with your wedding plans and include your parents in on the planning. Keep the door open for your future in-laws to give you advice but do not bank on their "positive" response to everything.
You are a woman now and you have to let go of the fairy-tale imagery that we all get burdened with. It is YOUR wedding not theirs. Your in-laws had their moment.
2006-10-03 13:35:47 · answer #6 · answered by goldenlifev 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you two really would like to get married in Mexico with support of your parents (plus paying for it...), I would invite them to come (as if you both truly settled on mexico with out a doubt).
"Him and I decided a beautiful place in mexico and I really hope to see you two come".
Pretty much the more you set in stone that is the place you want, the more their comments can be cut off. Just repeat "No, we like Mexico. Thanks for the thought though". Eventually they will see a patturn.
If they truly wanted to support their son, they will come to it.
Can't truly solve the bonding issue with you and them. However, trying to keep it peaceful but standing your ground at the same time can level some boundrious of what is acceptable and what is no longer.
Sometimes you have to corner their behavior to start on solving it.
2006-10-04 03:34:35 · answer #7 · answered by Mutchkin 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best way to nip their rude behavior in the bud is to stop allowing it to happen. When you blow them off and dont' call attention to their lack of couth, you are basically giving them permission to continue with the bad behavior. Your fiance's advice about ignoring it is wrong, too. He might think he's being diplomatic, but he's not. If he were concerned, he'd pull his dad aside and say, "You know, that was really rude, and I'd appreciate you not making those sorts of comments about her family." So speak up.
As far as the wedding location - you've already answered your own question: You said "we (meaning you and your fiance')want". EOS (end of story).
2006-10-03 15:01:00 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
pay for your own wedding. that's what my wife and i did so that we had total control of the wedding. our parents wanted a big church wedding with 200+ guests (that we don't know). we decided to get married in jamaica, a small wedding of 50 guests (mostly family and close friends, but we knew everyone). they all had a great time, and even up to now (3 years later) they still talk about it and reminisce about the trip.
as for the comments, they are going to make it no matter what. if you've talked to them about it already, and they still do it, than there is nothing more that can be done.
2006-10-03 13:23:54 · answer #9 · answered by ♫ sf_ca ღ 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Have your wedding where you and your fiance want to have it. Tell your fiance that it's hard for you to ignore the rude comments about your parents and that he should talk to them on your behalf. Do not let his parents run your life. If you start now, you will never get them off your back. Refrain from asking their opinions. They are not paying and it doesn't matter. Tell them where they are to be and any arrangements that involove them and leave no room for opinions and comments.
2006-10-03 13:25:37 · answer #10 · answered by Hpnotiq 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It's your wedding, your decision! Have it wherever you want, and if they don't come, I'm sure they will end up feeling guilty. Maybe you could suggest having a reception post-Mexican wedding at a place that would please them. As far as the jokes, if you can't ignore it, then you have to say something. When they insult your parents, they are insulting you! Do it however you want; ask to talk to your soon-to-be father-in-law in private, or do it in front of everyone (where he's sure to be embarrased)
2006-10-03 13:26:27 · answer #11 · answered by who-wants-to-know 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋