My friends cat is 17 years old, I must help...and need help.?

Question

This is to everyone that must let go of their friend, but actually there was a poem written for owners letting their dogs go from Chetco. This seems to me for everyone that has a pet. Everytime she takes him to the Vet to schedule "it" she says on the day or day before that he looked and acted well. I have even said that I would take care of everything. We were getting pictures together and sayings, (her daughter loves this cat, Kim, identity crises when first brought to the home, Kim is a male.) He has some kind of cancer, but my friend won't explain. To me I understand why she is reluctant. And now to make matters a little sadder, my friends father is not doing so good, cancer, when she gets the call she must travel overseas to be with her family. I have no Idea what to do! Of course I will take care of everything if she has to leave, but what words or doings are there if both her father, and loving cat are gone, I fear I will cry because they are and will not be help at all.

Want to give all of you great ratings, if knew how to would. My weakspot for my friends cat is her love for her pet, please keep advising though the answers so far have broken me to tears, I will keep watching. Thank you.

k, yahoo email something is up, [e-mail] U didn't get the T-rex thing so [e-mail] sent msgs to you. Need to find out y Y mail stopped, have 7 msg's, but can't read Page cannot be displayed. Say something nice about my friends family.

Answer 1

My heart and my prayers to you, your friend, your friend's father and Kim, and also I thank you as a human being for the concern and wisdom you show.
This is mixed up: A little human psychology here says that your freind is associating Kim's situation with her dad's and refusing to let go of either. THats Ok, painful but OK... To have had the love of a cat like kim for 17 years, 17 YEARS! makes him more a part of yourself than yesterday was.. and for your beloved father to share the same disease and destiny.... Your friend truly faces a human challenge.

I can only speak from empathy, and I can only give you ideas, and cruel as it may sound the problems are the survivors, (friend, frinds daughter and siblings and yours)

1/ KIm's a guy, Dad's a guy, both face the same challenge: Introduce them! If they can't meet "hombre a hombre" as it were, the advantage is all on your friend's father's side. But here's what I think: Dad will gain strength from sharing that experience, and be able to project the experiences challenges and triumphs, into a shared emotional challenge ( It's a guy thing, Let's see how we're goin to deal with this, buddy. ).While your friend's dad will not allow himself to deal with what's happening to him, and start thinking in terms of objectives and responsibilities: you'll hear him say things like: I still have this to do, I always have wanted to do this, I'm going to; It allows him to escape, in guy fashion from today by projecting into tomorrow: (the old: Man with a Plan thing)
Sharing tha experience w/ the cat will allow him to accept the final goodbye, y sharing the game?challenge? experience? with Kim
2/ Prepare your friend for the future, you can get her another cat before Kim goes (make it a female this time), but you can't get her another dad, but, after she loses dad and cat, she can't just give up to grief, she's got someone, (NEW PET CAT) to take care of, and gal cats really are less selfiSh than guy cats (42 cats,4generations). This will also help her daughter.
Lesson : life ends, life begins again, LIFE GOES ON, I CAN HANDLE IT. You may think I'm a jackass for suggesting this but it's true, recovery from grief works best when you dont have the time to grieve.
3/ They have the chance: So let you friend's daughter spend time or communication with her grampa, born, live,die: is natural for the one, but when i die, i give space and history to my children's children don't I. Let dad meet his future, let daughter meet her history. Let them both take care of kim, even at long distance.
As the outsider, friend, you can only help, you cant take over their challenges, nor can you suffer for them, instead of them, all you can do is support them in grief and recovery from grief, (and you are sensitive and wise enough to do this, else you would'nt have asked the Q the way you did).
I'm sorry I can't do more; but I Pray for your friend, her daughter, her dad, for you and for kim, and in that order.(you know why)

Answer 2

What a loving friend you are and what a hard situation.

Each person goes through loosing a loved pet in their own way, and often they hang on for each 'good day'. It is hard to tell when there are no more good days left.

Many times also, an owner will suddenly 'know' it's time, without a further doubt, something changes and they just know there are no more good days left.

It's OK to call vets and check into pet loss suport groups, and it's also ok for YOU to go so that you can talk about what your frined is going through and get feedback as to what helped from people who are going through the grief of a recent pet loss.

There is a beautiful poem- most vets have it, called "The Rainbow Bridge' I have listed several links for you.

Peace to you and your friend, and easy passings for her cat

Answer 3

Cats commonly get feline luekemia. If this is what the cat has, he can live with it. I have had a cat with it. It is contagious to other cats but not to people. If this is what the case is, maybe your friend should get an opinion from another vet.

If it is the case that Kim will die or must be euthanized, all you can do is be there for your friend. There is nothing you can say to make it any easier. Just be there for your friend to have a shoulder to cry on.

Answer 4

Wow, what a tough situation she is in (and what a good friend you are being). No one can ever tell someone when they should euthanize their pet - it's such a personal decision. I recently had to put my cat to sleep (cancer also). It was hard for me because within two days of diagnosis he went downhill so quickly - I expected to have more time. One thing that helped me was to realize that I didn't want to simply end my cat's suffering - I didn't want him to suffer at all. I couldn't wait to the point of putting him out of his misery. Her cat may be having some good days, but if the prognosis is poor, she may want to consider whether he is having more bad days than good.

Answer 5

You are such a good friend to care so much. I just went through this very experience. I recently lost both of my parents, 6 months apart, and then my cat that I've had since he was born suddenly got sick and died. My advice is to be there for your friend. I wish that I had a friend like you.

Answer 6

Even though i agree with you and the cat is getting too old and it needs to pass away while its reasonably happy, dont take this opportunity to do it. Your friends needs as much support as possible right now and maybe the cat is her only way of comfort. at this moment in time all you Can do is be supportive and maybe your friendship can overcome the pain of her other losses, in time,

Answer 7

Just do what ever you can to help her out even if you just sit there and let her cry on your shoulder. When she needs something she will let you know but until then there isn't a lot you can do but care.