help my daughter is four and a compulsive little liar lol, how can I stop this?

Question

before it becomes a bigger problem in her adult life, I dont lie and neither does my husband, Im pretty sure she learned it from my husbands mother ( the grandma) and her child... because the grandmother is a compulsive liar...she lies about every little thing, and I have been catching my little girl up in lies, she does it because she knows she will get in trouble for things that she does, today I caught her with pop in our living room and shes cant have it in the living room because of all the spills, she told me first that it wasnt her then told me that she brung it in here for me... How do I correct this... I have talked to her many times about lying being wrong, have punished her with grounding but nothing seems to work. Does anyone know of any disciplinary tactics to keep her from doing this aside from spanking her? She has been spanked before but I prefer not to spank her over something thats not as major

Answer 1

I went through this with my son and regrettably was not successful and he is now 20. So this what I would do differently: I would get involved in church. I would give her more attention. I would give positive reinforcement EVERY time I caught her telling the truth. Spankiing does not work. Keep modeling honesty in you and your husband's lives. Find the things that she holds dearest and take those away when caught in a lie. Do not give back until she tells 4 truths. And they have to be meaningful. Try to limit her time with the negative influences in her life. Stay on top of it. It will require diligence on your part but it will pay off in the end. I would also consider counseling. Something is making her do this. I think if I had done the above things with my son, I wouldn't be fighting the battle at this age. My thoughts will be with you. Good luck!

Answer 2

Do away first off with spanking, that is not acceptable. What ever the issue spanking only instills the message that I can and will hurt you if you do it again. Now, about the issue of telling lie's children tell lie's for all sorts of reasons. Most often at the tender age it is to get your attention or to make conversation with you. How you react will determine her next story. If you feel the lieing is coming from Grandmother and her child then perhaps limited exposure is best until you can determine if infact that is were it's coming from. How much time do you spend talking with your daughter, not at her but with her, be honest. Enjoy her imagination and nurture her personality, you mentioned that she brought a drink in the living room when you called her on it she said that she had brought it for you. All you had to do was thank her and nicely let her know that you prefer to take your drinks in the kitchen, Nodding that spills happen and we wouldn't wont to have to clean it up. Simple! As for Mother-in-Law sounds like she has used lieing as a coping measure in her life. Though it is not acceptable and she has come to be known as a habitual lier who could start a war in an empty country, you may won't to cut her a little slack. Life as a lier is a difficult one at best. Relationships are difficult, depression, and to the individual sometimes the lie is not for anyones benifit than themselves

Answer 3

You know :-) there's a fine line between 'telling a story' and telling a 'lie.' I remember a four yr old who did what your little girl is doing. I used a combination of OK story time, where I'd encourage him to tell me a story (sometimes I'd tell him a story), and reinforcing the difference between a lie and a story and the truth. I would remind him that telling the truth is what I expected from him when I asked for the truth. I would remind him that telling a lie would cause problems for him. And I'd offer him a way out when he lied by asking him if he was telling me the truth or telling a story. This worked REALLY well.
- I believe that most four yr olds have a less moralistic view of lies that most adults. :-) They just don't get the seriousness of it like we do. And it can be confusing! After all, isn't TV pretend? so, isn't TV lies (because its not the truth)? So, aren't lies OK sometimes? You see where I'm going.
- By making a differentiation between 'stories' and lies, you give your four yr old a way to figure all of that out.
- Good Luck! Blessings on you!

Answer 4

When she lies you have to confront her about it, if she keeps the lie going then you need to tell her that you know she isn't telling the truth. Explain to her why lying is bad and start punishing her every time she lies. You don't have to spank her - but start giving her time outs, no tv, taking away toys, etc. As a last resort if nothing else works then give her a spank when she lies - eventually she is going to realize that lying isn't worth being punished and hopefully she will stop.
You could also maybe use a reward system for when she tells the truth.

Answer 5

Read her the story about "Peter and the Wolf" this will be the best way to explain to her the importants of telling the truth. Express to her that lying is a very bad habit and that some people do this just for attention,(this will explain the grandmother with out have to out right say it) and maybe she can tell grandma the story someday and then she will get the hint.You just might "kill two birds with one stone".LOL:) Can't hurt to try.This story worked with my four oldest children and I hope it does the same for my two year old in the future.We'll see:)

Answer 6

Ok, one she is 4, she doesn't understand the concept of a lie, and if she does she is way mature for her age. The pop incident...she knew it was wrong, she knew she did it...she is just trying to get out of being in trouble. I had one of my foster kids tell me that the other one bit him on the arm....(he was alone in his room while the other one was in the bathroom)...he is just trying to get the other one in trouble...

I would have sat her down and told her, you know you are not aloud to have drinks in the living room, and I know this is yours...you are not aloud to have pop for (however long). I really wouldn't even suggest giving a 4 yr old pop, but that is you...I think it has too much sugar in it.

Answer 7

I think its fairly common at her age. I know a ton of kids who went through it. My neice used to tell people that her dad would sneak cigarettes and smoke them on the roof of their house. She also told everyone she had a pet monkey. I'm happy to report she's a normal 17 year old, non-lying girl.

It always helped with my daughter to remind her that even though she can fool me, God was always watching everything and that was more important. Fortunately she had such a guilty conscience, she would come clean if I reminded her of that.

Make sure you pay her lots of attention consistently too. She may just be craving attention.

Answer 8

Two rules of thumb are: be CLEAR, and be CONSISTENT.

For example -- my son will sometimes complain that he's sick in order to try to get out of going to school, or eating, or whatever. I will then inform him that, if he's REALLY sick, I'll take him to the doctor tomorrow (something he really doesn't like). Then I'll ask him one more time: "Are you sick 'for real', or are you sick 'for fake'?" 99 times out of 100, he'll admit he's only fooling.

Just let her know that there will be negative consequences for lying (loses a favorite toy for the rest of the day, no dessert after dinner, etc.) and give her one last chance to cop to what she did....I expect she'll straighten up and fly right once she loses her privileges a few times and sees you mean business.

Answer 9

Reinforce how important it is to tell the truth so that you can trust her. With more trust she gets more priviledges etc. I ask my kids twice if they are telling the truth if I know they are lying. Normally the second time they will fess up. I remind them that they will get in more trouble if they are lying to me than if they just tell me the truth. Standing in the corner works for them. One minute for every year. So four minutes for your daughter. Good luck, I hear that they do outgrow some of this!

Answer 10

next time she lies to you correct it right away, tell her you know its a lie and punish her your usual way, then after thats all said and done and im sure she probably pushed it out of her thoughts tell her that after lunch/dinner you'll go to the park for a little bit. then after you eat tell her that you lied to her, when shes upset tell her thats what her lying does to you, it makes you upset, if she doesnt like the feeling she wont do it again