I still live at home with my mother. I need a place to stay for college so there it is. I am eighteeen years old going on nineteen. I have been told I am very mature for my age. So please don't tell me to grow up. Now with that said here is my problem.
I have fallen in love with a girl I work with. But the problem is that my mother does not approve of her at all. She does not want me to date this girl. She refuses to even meet her or talk to her on the phone. I think this is completely wrong. But I can't really just disregard my mothers words. Now before you call me a momma's boy, the relationship with my father is nearly destroyed. So its pretty much non-existant. I feel I need to keep the relationship with my mother.
My mother does not view eighteen as the age of maturity and being capable of making your own decisons. Now this girl I love is asking me to disregard my mothers wishes and telling me to grow up and stand up for what I beleive in. I love her but I'm confused.
2006-10-03 05:28:26 · 31 answers · asked by Cameron 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
This girl has suggested that we go get married then my mother will have to accept her. But I Just don't know what to do. Please give me your honest opinions. Only helpful criticism please.
2006-10-03 05:30:11 · update #1
this thing sure disturbing!! but well if i was in ur position & would hav a boy friend who would ask me to disregard my parents...watever the reason...i sure would hav flinged...thinking how can this man ask me so easy ,to betray someone whos taken care of me all my life ....if he has no sentiments for my relation with my parents..would he ever think twice before getting off our relation if things went rough....its not emotions its the respect that one can giv to relation & least to one called parents & children relation thats set above all...as for any other way around....umm!! the only thing that can make it work is patience ...if that girl really loves u...she should be ready to wait for u...long enough to prove to ur mom & u that she stands by u through all odds..& sure then she can win ur momz confidence in her that she sure will take care of her son...hope ur mom too will understand the depth of ur relation....
be patient..hope alls good urway...
tc ...& please concentrate on ur studies...education alone will take u farthest....& to a peaceful & worthy life....
best wishes
2006-10-03 06:51:53 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If this is true love, then it can wait a couple of years (or less...or more) however long it takes to have your mom come to grips with what you and your girl have for each other.
If you have this some fear of losing her in that time that you need to wait, then it's proof positive that you do not trust the relationship to go through this trial.
If you are mature, then you ought to know that well enough that this may seem a little reckless and abrupt at 18 and that the mature thing to do is to let the relationship grow between all those involved before making any decision final.
If your girl loves you, she won't leave you...AND...she won't let anything come between you and your mother's relationship, regardless how she feels for your girlfriend "now"...your mother must love you and eventually, if your girl makes you happy, then she'll eventually accept her.
I hope this helps.
2006-10-03 12:36:38 · answer #2 · answered by endrshadow 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First off, you do sound more mature than most people here (at least judging from your use of the English language). So here is my honest opinion.
You should not disregard your mother's opinion, especially for as long as you're living in her house. Unless she is abusive to you or excessively controlling, chances are she wants the best for you, and has very solid reasons for having an opinion that she does. At least, give it serious consideration, and try to understand why she feels this way.
That said, I don't believe that the age of 18 is too early to start at least experimenting with love and relationships. Don't expect to find your "one and only" on the first try; it'll probably take a few times of being hurt and falling on your face for you to learn more about how relationships work, and what is it that you want out of a long-term relationship. I obviously don't know many details of your particular situation - but I would be inclined to advise you to not commit to marriage quite yet. Take some time to look around, and figure out what you want. Don't be afraid to fall in love, but be prepared to deal with the internal and the external pressures that come with it - such as your mother's resistance, your g/f's insistence you are "your own person", trying to reconcile the two and do the "right thing". How you resolve this particular dilemma is up to you, but whatever you do, learn from it - and be prepared for more to come.
2006-10-03 12:47:43 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
From reading your question, I would never tell you to grow up. It is a very mature, well thought through question. Therefore I will answer you through the fruits of experience. I think that you are looking at this from the wrong angle. From what you say, I know that you know that your mother loves you and is looking out for your best interest. She is looking at your goals and wants you to fulfill your dreams. On the other hand this girl you are in love with, is only thinking of herself. She has neither respect for you nor your mother. She is trying to control you and separate you from your mother, rather than being understanding about the relationship you and your mother have. I would say the same thing if it was your mother who was trying to control you, but she's not.
2006-10-03 12:51:08 · answer #4 · answered by oldman 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You need your own space to think about this, everyone is telling you what to do. I'm sorry about your father, sounds like mom is doing a great job raising you, you sound wonderful and mature for your age because you are taking every body's feelings into consideration, not just your own. It seems mom wants to preserve you into being the fine young man that you are, is it possible to compromise going out on group dates with your girlfriend, is mom afraid the two of you will be alone? I am a mom too and there will come a day when I will have to let my 9 and 4 yr old make there own bigger choices. Has your mom approved of anyone you've liked, maybe nobody will be good enough for her son. I can't blame her protectiveness over you, but you need to continue talking to your mom to come to an agreement. Your girlfriend needs to know you care about mom's thoughts too. I don't think you sound like a momma's boy either. You sound like a great guy who is genuinely concerned for both woman's feelings in your life!
2006-10-03 12:47:08 · answer #5 · answered by smily 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh dear,seems like yr being pulled emotionally in all directions. 18/19 is still very young to enter into a unity such as marriage although it can be done and last the course but the stats are stacked against you. At your age you are still emotionally developing and I doubt your perspective on life will be the same as say in ten or so years. It also sounds as if yr mother is terrified that she will be left alone and naturally is competing for your affection with your girlfriend which is not a nice situation to be in. If I were you I would bluff them both, explain to them you will not be drawn into ultimatums of any kind, you love them both equally and until they decide enough is enough and decide to co-operate you will be lodging on your own with minimal if no contact with either of them as this is threatening to destroy all that you hold dear. Give each warring party contact details for the other and leave it down to them to get together and sort it out. Hopefully this will remove the gruge between the two of them and a peaceful future for you all may be on the horizon, best of luck matey x.
2006-10-03 12:42:18 · answer #6 · answered by mizzsquitz 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well, you didnt mention the reason for your mothers' disapproval of this girl. If her reason is legit, you may want to reconsider how long term you make this relationship, therefore marriage should really be out of the question at this point. As far as college goes, you should go over to the college message board and see if anybody has posted any notices needing a roomate. Concentrate on school and a career first so that later you have more to offer a deserving girl. and remember, sometimes Mother really does know best!! good luck!
2006-10-03 12:34:27 · answer #7 · answered by SittinPretty! 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ok, why does your mom disapprove? Your mother will always be there for you no matter what. Where is the college you are going to? Can you not live at home while going to college? A lot of people do. The first thing you have to ask is why your mom disapproves and does not want to meet her, but you also can't help who you love. You need to sit down and talk with your mom and explain things to her, because she knows best, but she should also want you to be happy. Understand her reasons and go from there.
2006-10-03 12:52:01 · answer #8 · answered by ConfusedK 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A lot of mothers dread their sons growing up and away from home. They perceive no girl as good enough for their son, so chances are it is not this particular girl that upsets her but instead ANY girl that you would date. Can you sit down with your Mom and have a quiet discussion about this, telling her your heart and feelings and not have it turn into a quarrel? Open communication is the key to solving the problems that are in front of you. You are in the bad position of loving two women that apparently cannot get along. You said your mom does not view 18 as the age of maturity. Would she view 30 as age of maturity or 40? There might be more problems there than you are first seeing. You need your own life and your mom needs to get more of a life than she has. Patience and communication I would think might help.
2006-10-03 12:37:17 · answer #9 · answered by kolacat17 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I understand how you feel since it seems as if the two of us are in the same boat i would say follow your heart and d what you feel is right i'm nineteen almost dating my bf for a year but my sister well she disapprove of my being with him it can be hard knowing what to do but, your mom needs to see your growing up and she's not gonna be there all the time to tell you who to deal with. the next think getting married at such a young age i thunk thats a no no especially if you don't know the person quite well, you to can keep dating but get to know each other more before rushing into things and keep try convincing your mom to speak with your girlfriend she'll have to know your trying to be happy with who your with.
2006-10-03 12:41:26 · answer #10 · answered by Randisha 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow! your story is complicated but i believe i have the solution. your mother views u as the little boy she needs to protect from the world. its time u had a long talk with her about how u feel on the matters of resposibility and maturity. she may not like this but eventually she will understand. As for your girl explain to her that your relationship with your mother is very important and if you ran off to get eloped your mother would be hurt to a very high extent and you dont want to do anything to hurt your mother. Best of luck to u and your girl.
2006-10-03 12:37:27 · answer #11 · answered by meltedplasticbag 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋