What would you do...?

Question

Say you see this attractive person sitting at a cafe. You are so attracted to them you have to stop and say hi. After chatting a bit you find out this person is single, intelligent and has a lot of similar interests as you. Then you realize the person is in a wheelchair. Would this stop you from seeing this person again?


Asking because.... I think I'm an attractive, intelligent, fun woman who happens to have a disability and I'm wondering what others think about people who are "differently-abled"?

Answer 1

Hi Zoey,

Ouch, that is a tough one. It reminds me how prejudiced and biased we all are, still... how we still rely on our eyes (which can deceive us) to "judge" others around us; how we still "judge" people by their outside apperances rather than their actions/characteristics.

Please forgive me if this answer sounds harsh and without tact/subtlety. I once almost dated a woman who had no lower legs. She has prosthetics to give the apperance of legs & feet, but she still needed to walk around on crutches. Although many could (and probably did) have thought I had pity on her, the truth is that I found she was incredibly mature and enjoyed her artistic sensibility. Problem was, I think, that I wasn't mature enough to enter a serious relationship in that time. So we parted ways (as most people do) and I never heard from her again.

Basically it is difficult to answer with absolute honesty to a question such as this because we cannot predict our reactions to the reality of such situations when actually confronted by it.

I myself would NOT mind finding myself attracted to a person with a disability. In all fairness, physical attributes are NOT the main (important) aspect of the one(s) I am attracted, even if it is the physical we (our eyes) see at first. No offence, but if a person's only disability involves being in a wheelchair, then that's deffinatly not a problem to a guy like me. It could obviously proove some difficulties in certain areas of a relationship (such as sex, for example) but if two people care for each other deeper than skin level, there are no obstacles they cannot surpass, or at least join together for a common cause.

But let us be honest; not all men are open minded, and although they may pubicly proclaim the opposite, most men still judge and "hunt down" women by their physical apperance, their style, their body language. It is very difficult for us, most of the time, to let go of the "illusion of reality" presented by our eyes.

It is also very difficult for most of us to even realise and accept that our physical apperance is not a personnal choice, but rather we make do with what we've got.

Hope this helps to answer your question!

Cheers!

Answer 2

Well not to be rude, but hopefully you wouldn't be judgemental because you both have disablilities. But you also I guess have to consider will your disability take away from what you guys can have relationship wise. My grandmother married a man in a wheelchair even though she was healthy with no disabilities. It was hard because she had to wheel him around a lot, and help him do certain things, but she dealed with it. If that person is good to you and attractive, then it looks like you got the best of both worlds. Take a chance! I don't see you having anything to lose but a good friend that can be more than that.

Answer 3

I have a deaf friend and we get along really well. Unfortunately she has a boyfriend otherwise I would date her regardless of her loss of hearing.

But to be honest with you a wheelchair might be too much for me personally. I don't have a problem with people in wheelchairs I just might find it difficult to see them as my girlfriend because I lead an active lifestyle and I would want her to be there with me doing what I'm doing and having fun together. I don't know I've never been in that situation and you never know until you are put in it. But if you have found someone good luck to you. I hope it works out for the best.

Answer 4

That's an easy question to answer exactly: it would not stop me from seeing the person again if the chemistry was enough and the person in the wheelchair wanted to see me again. But it is harder to answer for what the question might imply to some: would I want to see this person again in terms of developing a permanent and intimate relationship? I am not sure of this to be honest. It would likely depend on quite a number of factors. Certainly, I would never consider myself any better than this person, but for example, if I wanted a biological family of my own (and I have always thought that would be nice, but it hasn't happened) and her condition prohibited that, it might keep the relationship on a strictly platonic basis.

A serious question nonetheless, and I applaud the author for having the courage to ask it.

Answer 5

Well, everyone is different and different people would handle the situation differently. I personally would not let it stop me from seeing someone because they happen to be in a wheelchair. However, if someone is really athletic or enjoyed the outdoors a bunch, it might play a role in their decision. I think we should learn how to not judge a book by its cover and get to know people for who they are.......disability or no disability.......and for you, keep your head up high and don't stop living life even if one guy doesn't want to date you..........good luck sweetie

Answer 6

Wouldn't change my attraction to them in the least. Some people are short...some are tall...some are nice...some are mean...some can walk...some need wheelchairs. We're all part of a very diverse world. It's the way you look at things that makes you the person that you are.

Answer 7

I can't possibly imagine that I would stop seeing them or that it would change my feelings.

But I think I understand how you feel - you'll get a lot of answers on here saying "of course not!" "It doesn't matter to me!" but in real life you aren't seeing a lot of dating action, am I right? While it's not generally considered a disability, I'm overweight, and I get the same reaction - everyone says they wouldn't care, size doesn't matter, but I can count the times I've been asked out my whole life on one hand.

Answer 8

Are you kidding! Intelligent and attractive is a hard enough combination to find. The disability is not going to be a problem.

Answer 9

It wouldn't stop me. But I'm sure that there are people out there who mean well, but aren't able to accept differences in other people. You sound like you think highly of yourself, which is always good, and you will certainly meet someone who accepts you for who you are.

Answer 10

it's so hard to find someone that is compatible, I wouldn't let a little thing like a wheelchair get in the way.