My kids (ages 4 and 6) have been asking if they can visit their dad. We've been apart since 2003. So I call their dad and leave messages that the kids would like to see him, but he doesn't return the calls. So far I've told the kids "he must be at work" but in reality, he rarely has a job and when he does, it isn't full time. Kids are not stupid and they know about how answering machines work. What can I tell my kids to explain why their dad doesn't visit them, without lying and without hurting their feelings?
They've been asking for about a month. In the past he has visited with them occasionally and he lives in the same city as us.
2006-10-03 04:59:07 · 12 answers · asked by Smiley 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
He doesnt pay any child support. I never asked for any through the courts, because he rarely keeps a job for long, and will just check himself into the mental hospital if anybody expects anything of him. It isn't worth the trouble to me.
2006-10-03 05:11:58 · update #1
Tell your children the truth that you were not able to get a hold of their father. Now I would suggest having your children leave the message asking to visit him... have them send him a letter... you will need to offer them some help. I can completely understand. I have been in your shoes.
2006-10-03 05:32:54 · answer #1 · answered by Tricia P 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You are in a tough spot because your kids are really to young to be told the truth and understand it. I know you don't want to hurt their feelings in the process. All you can do is try to make contact with him and if he doesn't answer back, there is really nothing you can do. The law makes a dad pay child support, but there is no law saying he has to see the kids if he chooses not to. Next time you call him, let the kids leave a message on the machine and maybe when he hears those sweet little voices, it will change his mind. For now, you just be there for them and play with them, take them to the park, keep their minds of him until he comes around..........good luck sweetie
2006-10-03 12:07:16 · answer #2 · answered by dixiegirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand how you feel and were you are coming from. I have a 5 and 7 year old, and there dad is pretty much the same way. He sees them maybe 1 time out of the month. When the call he tells his grandmother to tell them that he's not there, or like you said don't answer the phone. I know that it is wrong but I tell them there daddy is a lousy piece of ****. I tell them not to worry about him because in the long run he will need them before they need him. I tell them that they have a mother and father in me and that I love them very much.
2006-10-04 19:52:30 · answer #3 · answered by mocha 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well...I would put that chore on HIM to tell them he doesn't have time to see them. For instance, if he does call hand the phone to the 6 year old and let the kid do the talking. OR let the children write letters to their dad. OR if you know where he hangs out, bring the kids for a "surprise" visit!!! Why not? You shouldn't lie to them, but don't undermine their love for their father either. It's a fine line to walk, honey. Godloveya.
2006-10-03 12:35:27 · answer #4 · answered by Sassy OLD Broad 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Having grown up in a similar situation, I can tell you that there is no clear answer to this question. The best that you can do is reassure them that you love them unconditionally and will always be there for them, and that you don't know why their dad is making the choices that he is. The very best that you can do for your children is to be honest with them and treat them like the smart little people that they are. He is the one making the mistakes, not them, and not you. My nephew is having the same trouble right now w/ his bio. father...I tell him that his daddy loves him but that he's not treating him fairly, and that if he talks to his dad, he should ask HIM to explain it. Good luck, and keep loving those babies enough for both of you. If they have a mama that loves them, it will help undo the hurt that their dad is causing.
2006-10-03 12:20:19 · answer #5 · answered by Picklesmama 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi Smiley!
I know that you are not saying anything to not talk about their dad. They are still very young. I guess just telling them that you can't reach him. Let them know that you are trying and let them see the envelopes when you write and hear the calls etc. BELIEVE ME!!! They will remember this when they grow up and remember who was there for them!!!
2006-10-03 12:48:59 · answer #6 · answered by -------- 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi! My name is Pam. I know your children are young but, you have to be honest with them. They will understand when they are older, why you are not together anymore. Are you close with his parents? If so, maybe if they saw their grandparents more, that they wouldn't miss their dad as much. Or your parents more too. You are so lucky to be blessed with children. I couldn't have any of my own. Good luck! and God Bless.
2006-10-03 12:17:59 · answer #7 · answered by North High Viking 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Be honest with them, tell them you don't know if he will return their calls and tell them you don't really know why. Then dial the phone and let them talk or leave their own message.
2006-10-03 12:08:26 · answer #8 · answered by reggie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my kids are 8 and 9..i go through this every day...he is a major alcoholic..i tell my kids he is ill and is unable to see them or care for them properly right now
2006-10-03 12:09:53 · answer #9 · answered by lovin_me14020 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
aww thats sad to hear he dont wagnt to see his own kids but i would just tell ur kids that he is on vacation and that will give u time to talk to him and get him to want to see his kids
2006-10-03 12:17:42 · answer #10 · answered by Victoria 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋