what to do when a kid doesn't want to live with the parent that the law said to?

Answer 1

First I apologize for the long answer, but it's hard to answer you question effectively in a couple of sentences.

Why discipline or counsel as if the kid was mentally ill? Disciplining the kid will only make it worst by reinforcing his believe that he would be happier with the other person. Counseling? Better but all you are doing is trying to convince the kid to stay somewhere he doesn't want to be.

It would be like if you were straight and I gave you therapy to turn you gay. First, I don't know how effective that would be, because even though I can put ideas in your mind, I can NEVER change who you really are inside. In fact, any good psychologist will tell you that the key to successful therapy is not necessarily the skill level of the psychologist, it does up to a point, I’m not saying it’s not important, but the real key is how bad the patient wants help and how much they want to change.

Unless the other person is truly unfit to be a good parent, I don't see why the kid couldn't be with the other person. I always try to put myself in the shoes of the kid. If I was that kid, would I want to be away from the person that I love and whom I want to be with? Hell no! Again, I would understand if the other person is a junky who could not bare the responsibility of being a parent or legal guardian.

I think that most people don’t understand how harmful it really is to do separate a kid from the person they fill the closest to. It’s something that will affect him/her for the rest of his/her life, and in SOME cases, I’ve seen cases in which the kid grows up hating they parents, life, and suffer from depression.

Courts don’t always know what is best for a kid, in fact, I would say that courts quite often award custody to the person least fit to be a parent. But they (the courts) as well as a lot of people, think that we can make it all better some how. May be by using drugs or therapy. I’m not saying that therapy is not good, but why cause pain and suffering in someone’s life, to later try to have it “fixed”, when the pain and biter emotions could had been prevented to start with? This is particularly crucial if you are talking about a teenager.

Generally it has to do with financial gain (child support) and/or revenge (getting back at the ex for a bad relationship, cheating, etc.). Come on, lets be honest and use logic here, how many people would rather receive child support than to have to pay it? Most people, by far, would choose the receive it.

You also have to understand that it’s not about love. It’s not like the kid loves one parent more than the other, it’s just that the kid feels a deeper emotional connection with the other person. Which is something totally normal. All of us, who have had both of our parents, love our parents equally, but generally feel closer to one of them. Boys are generally closer to their moms and girls to their dads. I’m sure you’ve heard that before, and judging from my own life experience and that of others, it is true quite often.

My suggestion, if the other person is fit to be a parent or legal guardian, let the kid be with who they want to be with. The courts can NOT obligate you to keep the kid. But it has to be noted that your are not giving up custody of the kid, but that you (both you and the ex) have come to an agreement that you will let the kid decide who they want to be with. And in the future, if the kid chooses to, he/she can always come back. Both of you need to have an open door policy. Again, this is crucial if you are talking about a teenager.

I know that letting your kid go is a tough decision, but being a good parent and doing what is right kid, is always tough. I'm sure you'll miss him/her, I don't doubt it one bit, but depending on the circumstances, it may be the right thing to do. You can always have the kid come over to your place as much as they want.
I tell people that it’s not the quantity of time your spend with your kids, but the quality that really counts. You can spend hour after hour with your kids, but if you are abusive to them, then what good is it?

If you chose to obligate (what a nasty word but that is in fact what you’ll be doing) the kid to stay with you and you take him to therapy, be careful!!! In particular with a psychiatrist, all they are going to do is make him draw a picture, talk for about 15 minutes, and then prescribe him some drug to calm him down. Would you want your kid (assuming we are talking about your own kid) to be taking drugs? Did you know that in the US, about 50% of all K-12 boys are on some type of medication to treat behaviors that were once considered normal boyish behavior? I’m telling you this so that if you decide to take your kid to a therapist, be ware of drugs!!! Seek the help of a psychologist, not a psychiatrist. Good luck!

Answer 2

Sucks for the kids of divorce. Unfortunately, the court decided this was the best interest for the child. Most likely the parent the kid doesn't like is enforcing the 'rules' and trying to be a good parent. Divorce's ultimate loser are children. Parents, get your act together. Talk to each other and define how the children need to be disciplined and raised. Makes everyone's life easier.

Answer 3

How old is the kid? Teenager should probably have been able to make their own choose in the matter regardless of what the law made them do. They tend to be the victim in bad choices of those trying to be their parents. If it is a small child give things time and address their feelings but respect them. They do matter

Answer 4

Communication, counseling and yes discipline. But also understanding the child, ask why he doesn't want to live with the parent, how old is the child. Find out whether the other parent talks bad about the other half. You need to get to the bottom of it.

Answer 5

If it is question of the child's safety (mental or physical), you have to stay with the court appointed parent. If either parent would provide a loving and stable home...it is probably in the best interest of all to CO-PARENT the child. It is not about hurting the parent's feelings or the egos involved. The child just may need another approach for saying the same thing.


The ultimate message needs to be your parents love you and even though they are not together they will work together for the child's benefit.

Both parents need to put aside their personal feelings and set up rules that are the same at either house. (like...curfews, dating, expectations regarding school, church, family, etc...)

Answer 6

Communication.

If you're the parents: Find out WHY they don't want to live with you. Try to come up with a mutually beneficial agreement and LET THEM KNOW YOUWANT THEM THERE BECAUSE YOU LOVE THEM...and they can still see the other parent (because the other parent is STILL their parent and the ONLY mother or father they'll get.

If you're the kid: Talk to your parents!!! It's better than being on the streets. Let them know your concerns and see if you can come up with a plan that works for both of you.

Answer 7

I would like to know the answer to that myself !!! I don't have a custody order yet but may have to get one before my divorce is final. I was going for shared custody originally because my kids are 14,17 and 19.At this point you know you have a battle on your hands if you are awarded custody and the kid doesn't want to go there. I guess you need to talk to the kid. I don't know how old the kid is but at some point,they have to be considered. I don't think there is an easy answer to this question,I wish there were !!

Answer 8

we stay about 5 miles faraway from my FIL and his spouse. We in simple terms moved right here about 2 months in the past, yet in those 2 months we've requested them to babysit two times and they were chuffed to do it. we've had them over for dinner two times in that element, and we've been over there once as well. My MIL lives about one thousand miles away and he or she contains visit 4-5 cases a twelve months no count number how some distance away we are. She is an exceedingly domineering female, and frequently I wish she might want to visit fairly a lot less regularly, yet she needs to work out her grand kids, and he or she volunteers to babysit a minimum of once throughout each and every visit so my husband and that i visit bypass out for a date. My moms and dads stay about 100 miles away, or maybe as they not in any respect come to visit us except after we've a sparkling toddler, we bypass visit them regularly once the different month or so, and they are continually chuffed to work out us.

Answer 9

depends on how old the kid is
if it's under 10, then just persuade it by having fun. like taking it to eat icecream or something. But if it's older 10, then explain nicer why it's safer for it to live with you then the other parent.

Answer 10

my gf has the same predicament, her ex is filling her 13yo sons head full of lies and promises, and allowing him to have sex with his gf when he stays over, in order to get him away from his mother, who has custody. He plays both sides for what he wants, I think he is smart enough to know that staying with mom is probably his best bet, but she is worried. I tell her that since the judge granted her custody, a 13 yo's wishes shouldnt have too much sway, but i guess its all different by state and judge.