My parents are paying for the wedding but now my mother thinks this gives her the right to make all of the final decisions. She throws a tantrum if she doesn't get her way... water works and everything. She keeps saying this is her wedding too. How can I handle her without hurting our mother/daughter relationship? We weren't that close to begin with.
2006-10-03 04:42:27 · 11 answers · asked by bluechick 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Talk to her before you make any rash judgments.
Ask her to a tea or something around that. Have an adult conversation with her about how you feel--speak slowly, calmly, and don't name call. LISTEN To her.
Ask her to tell you about her wedding. Was her wedding not everything she wanted it to be?
Ask her what components of your wedding are most important to her. That being said, explain to her your dream wedding. Also explain to her that you would like to work with her in creating a dream wedding, not to have her take over it. Do not address her tantrums upfront because that will cause friction and hurt feelings--address instead her attitude of "her wedding too."
In the end, this is going to be your relationship and your wedding. You need to get her on the same track as you, even if that means less annoying.
Good luck!
2006-10-03 04:48:34 · answer #1 · answered by FaZizzle 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Huh...this is one of the big problems that Brides go through when Mother is paying. You have to give it to her straight and be honest. Tell her Mother I am so grateful that you are helping out or paying for our day, but I still would like for this to be the way we dreamed of it with your help. I appreciate all that you are doing, but I only have one chance of this and I want it to be the best. Can you understand where I am coming from.
If this doesn't work. Then you might have to give it to her tough. I just hope that it works and that you can plan the wedding of your dreams. The way you and your Future Husband would like.
Congratulations!!
2006-10-03 12:11:28 · answer #2 · answered by Missaquarian27 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweety, it's your wedding. My daughter got married this past summer and of course, I payed for the entire wedding. Moms need to know when to back off. I did offer suggestions, but only when asked. If I could go back and do it all over again, I would tell her to elope! Too much stress. Remember though, on your special day, don't sweat the small stuff, just look beautiful and enjoy!
2006-10-03 12:55:47 · answer #3 · answered by SHOE HO 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is the tricky thing it is NOT her wedding at all but she is paying for it. I went through this with my mom but she didn't realize she was doing it. But her mom planned her wedding and she didn't care because she didn't want to plan her wedding. Anyways, I would just sit down with her one-on-one and say I love you mom and I want you to be a part of things but this is my wedding and even the little things are important. Just let her know how you feel but you have to do it smoothly. You can't yell or get upset. You have to stay calm through the whole thing. I hope it all works out for you!
2006-10-03 13:39:42 · answer #4 · answered by glitter3317 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My mom passed away before I got married, and I paid for my first wedding myself. However my evil ex-MIL was a pain in my butt. She thought I needed a mother figure, as she only had sons. I ended up making some concessions to her just to keep her off my back. I should have stood up to her more...seeing as how the marriage turned out.
So I'd just tell her flat-out that you've got it taken care of, but if she'd like to help, here's what she can do. Like make the favors or something. It's not her wedding it's YOURS!
2006-10-03 11:51:52 · answer #5 · answered by chefgrille 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try and compromise with her.
And remember this...at the time when your mom got married, it was the mother of the bride's job to plan her daughter's wedding. So, your grandmother planned your mom's wedding. By this tradition, your mom was supposed to plan your wedding. But things have changed nowadays, so she basically got robbed of planning a wedding. That's why she's saying it's her wedding too.
2006-10-03 11:52:32 · answer #6 · answered by Pink Denial 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She needs to realize that this is NOT her wedding! Is SHE getting married??!?!?! NOPE! Unfortunately mothers like this can be very hard to deal with...especially when they are paying for it. THe best thing to do is to sit her down and talk to her and tell her how you feel. Main thing...IT IS NOT HER WEDDING! Make her realize that. And if she starts crying....tell her to go to counseling, because she obviously needs it, then slap her. Just kidding....she needs to be put in her place!
2006-10-03 11:49:44 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, but that's what you get for not being all grown up and paying for your own wedding! I guess it's your (hopefully) last time to be treated as a child.
2006-10-04 08:37:30 · answer #8 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This happend to me and it is not worth it. We ended up planning and paying for our wedding ourselves and did what WE wanted. It was so much easier!
2006-10-03 13:52:47 · answer #9 · answered by KathyS 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
TELL HER THAT THIS IS YOUR SPECIAL DAY AND U ARE GRATEFUL THAT SHE'S PAYING BUT YOU WOULD LIKE THINGS TO BE DISCUSSED WITH YOU FIRST. TELL HER THAT U APPRECIATE HER EFFORDS TO MAKE THINGS PERFECT, BUT U REALLY WOULD LIKE TO MAKE IT THE WAY YOU ALWAYS DREAMED OF( EVEN IF U DIDN'T) TELL HER ALSO, THAT U WOULD BE GLAD IF SHE HELPS U WITH THE DECISIONS U FIND HARD TO MAKE URSELF AND THAT HER OPINION IS IMPORTANT TO U. I'M SURE SHE WILL UNDERSTAND.
2006-10-03 12:08:36 · answer #10 · answered by Stella 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋