I've been dating this guy for a couple of months and I had a miscarriage not knowing I was even pregnant. I told him what happened over the phone and he said he would call me the next day. I have not heard from him since. (almost two weeks now) I did call him last week and he told me he needed more time because what happened and he doesn't know why he hasn't called me. We got along so well and I'm wondering if he is just freaked out about what happened or he doesn't know how to respond to me. Either way...I need my closure if he doesn't want to see me and I'm losing patience and am ready to approach him.
Any advice?
2006-10-03 04:29:12 · 11 answers · asked by tonaloha 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Perhaps it was cowardly for me to tell him over the phone, but again we are only a couple of months old and wouldn't you think that a miscarriage is a blessing in disguise? To me... We both are responsible for not a pregnancy to happen but it did happen. I mean...it's not like we have been together for years so I can't understand why he is acting like this. To me...it's a relieve and I would think that it is a relief to him as well. if it helps at all he is latino (Central America)...so perhaps a culture thing is part of his reaction??? He has a child all ready and so do I.
2006-10-03 07:42:27 · update #1
Yes id say its time to have a heart to heart with him,but dont force the issue,just let him know you need to talk face to face ,and when you have this conversation go ahead and let him know that you need closure,he needs to face what happened with you (if that's whats bothering him) so you and him can begin the healing process,i know that having a miscarriage can be similar to loosing a child that has been born, it can have the same emotional effects,and if he wants out let him go and get on with your life,life is to short to wait!GOOD LUCK!
2006-10-03 04:37:51 · answer #1 · answered by my space 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all, I'm sorry you lost the baby. That's just terrible, and it's a shame it had to happen.
You seem like you have a terrific handle on this. I don't think you could be asking better questions, or thinking along better lines than what you expressed here......in my opinion. I can relate to what you are saying about closure. I just got jilted a couple weeks ago and was not given closure, and I *hate* that.....hate it hate it.
I could think the worst of the guy and offer that as advice to you, but since his reaction is so nebulous, I'm gonna throw out some various ideas and thoughts, and you can select which seems most appropriate for you.
Since I don't know how close you two are in your relationship......couple months......you could get kinda tight, but hard to say......anyway, if the guy was really attached to you and loved kids, I'd say he could be reacting out of hurt and pain......men like to run and hide and lick their wounds in private.....like animals do. I tend to do that also. However, I don't feel that this is a strong candidate for you to consider.
Next.....the guy may be afraid of the whole 'yer gonna be a daddy' thing, and this close call has sent him runnin' fer the hills.
Next....he may think that you were trying to trap him by getting pregnant, and then when you lost it you panicked and felt you had to tell him. Feeling that you are 'baby-ready' and he's not, he may have just decided that he's afraid of being with you now for fear of this happening, but actually going thru to completion.
Next.....He may actually just not be ready for a family yet, and he's contemplating whether you got pregnant by accident or on purpose, and this close call has taken him aback to where he's not sure how he feels, so he's locked himself away from you until HE is ready (typical selfish male reaction).
The guy might feel you are too likely to get pregnant which will stop all the 'fun' before he's ready for it to end, or even it he would ever want that to end.
These are gut-reactions off the top of my head. I wish I could say for sure for you, but this is the best I can offer. I would just call the guy and tell him almost what you told us........either contact me and tell me what's on your mind or I'm going to move on, and then see what happens. It's a shame he's doing this, but he obviously doesn't want to be involved with this 'messy' situation. Even if he did want to stay with you, I wouldn't feel very good about how he'd react to other life situations in the future. You seem like far and away above him to have that kind of person for your mate.
Either way tho, I wish you only the best.
2006-10-03 12:03:58 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He may think that you didn't tell him about the baby on purpose even though you didn't know. It's going to be a big shock for him especially as you had only been together for a few months. He may have thought you had been trying to palm him off with someone elses baby or may be mad that you weren't careful (even though it's as much his fault). Can you go and see him? If you have any belongings at his house, try going round there to collect them. Just stay calm and don't get into an argument, just say you need a few things and this may prompt him to talk. Good luck.
2006-10-03 11:34:12 · answer #3 · answered by claire 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, first off, you should have told him face to face. That's a serious issue between the 2 of you. But he's being a coward by not facing it and talking about it. Let it go. Don't talk to him. Quit bugging him. It probably really scared him b/c of what could have happend (if he's young and not ready) or he could be grieving alone. It was his child and you guys need each other right now, but he's not being very mature. Let him be. You wouldn't want someone like that anyways.
2006-10-03 11:33:23 · answer #4 · answered by inlovewow 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you made a mistake by telling him on the phone, you should have told him face to face. If he cared for you he would of came over and seen if you were okay. I think that he was freaked out but he is not thinking of you. He is being selfish and you shouldn't want a man like that. In this time of need he should be by your side, if he isn't now he will NEVER be. Be strong and keep your head up.
2006-10-03 11:41:16 · answer #5 · answered by matboriqua 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should try to see him in person and ask him straight out if he wants to keep seeing you or not. Be honest about your feelings and make sure he understand what happened and that it was not your fault.
This situation calls for straihgt out honesty. If he decides to keep seeing you than fantastic, he shows maturity and many other good qualities. If he doesn't than sorry but he's not the type of man you want anyway (he freaks out and acts closed off in situations that need to be talked about in the open)
hope that helped
2006-10-03 11:34:38 · answer #6 · answered by hopeincubus 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how it feels for you; he may not know how to deal with the situation himself and then he may also be at a loss as to what to say or do for you. He may feel completely inadequate though you've done nothing to make him feel like that. BUT, be that as it may, I would honestly ask him, face to face, maybe some place public, though intimate if he needs space with the intention of coming back or if he's no longer able to continue a healthy relationship with you. If he is willing to stick it out, maybe ask about other forms, if not more then one form of birth control? My husband and I found out that we need more then just the pill. I would also speak to your dr, encourage him to come with you. It may ease his mind a bit. Good luck!
2006-10-03 11:38:56 · answer #7 · answered by beachy0220 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry about your miscarriage and my thoughts are with you.
If he is shutting you out you are better off without him.
He should be the one worried about you.
Take is as a sign and get rid of him
2006-10-03 11:31:51 · answer #8 · answered by Cheryl D 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
try going to his place and talking about this it could be that he wants out but at the same time he could be hurting very much and could use someone
2006-10-03 11:32:28 · answer #9 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave him alone!!!!!!!!!! It freaked him out... If you hadnt have that miscarriage you would be raising this kid alone. He is dont good for you and dont desver you girly! Find a real man that will take responiblite
2006-10-03 11:31:49 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋