I am 37 an been divorced a year. I had a bad ending with my X. I started talking to a 36 year old on messanger. However we already knew each other,we live in same town. His wife was killed in an car accident. Him, his wife,an 2 kids was hit by drunk driver.In april 2005. We talk alot an he thought he was ready to date. We meet an liked each other, however after we had sex he felt very guilty. An he said he was not ready. So we just keep talking. Now we meet an have sex, we both enjoy, but he is not ready still. One day he cares the next he dont. Then he tells me he is scared an he does care about me.This month the guy who hit them goes to court. He tells me he wants to get this part of this over before he gets into a serious relationship. But the court thing could last years. What should i expect from all this. I really care about him, but I have really been hurt before. He is a great guy. he had a very good marriage to his late wife. He is really one of a kind guy! HELP ME PLEASE!!
2006-10-03 03:52:30 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
The way things are now is the way they'll be for awhile. He can't get past his loss quickly because of the court trial. You can either play this game of hopscotch with him or end it. This is where he is right now. He's not to blame. Everyone deals with death differently.
2006-10-03 03:59:30 · answer #1 · answered by farahwonderland2005 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very tricky situation. You went through a bad time with your ex and feel kind of insecure right now and for that reason you are seeking something more then just friendly talk and sex from this guy. Whereas, he had a good marriage and went through trauma seeing his beloved wife die in an accident. What he is seeking right now is some emotional support from you and some sexual outlet. He is obviously not ready for any commitment now and you can't blame him for that.
Now you have to decide how valuable is this relationship for you at present. Can you wait a while for his scars to heal. But what if he doesn't commit even then !!!
I would suggest you review the situation carefully. if he is worth it then decide on a decent time frame for the waiting period. carry on with him as you are doing now and brace yourself for any outcome at the end of that time frame which you have set. Wish you all the best and lots of happiness.
2006-10-03 04:19:07 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
he wants to be a friend with benefits. It isn't right for you emotionally and he will not be ready for a long time if he had a very close loving relationship with his wife. He has to grieve and he has to come to accept what he cannot change. If he wants to be friends without the sex I would say continue to be his friend but if all he really wants is the sex why bother there are a lot of other wonderful guys out there who are getting on with life and would want to be a part of yours on a permanent basis.
2006-10-03 04:02:58 · answer #3 · answered by oldmomma 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would be very patient with him. I'd be totally devastated if I lost my wife and son. I'm sure he's not jerking you around. His emotions must be all over the place. I'm sure he must have moments when he feels he's betraying his wife by being with you even if she's dead. It's only been a year. It took me about 2 years to get over my mom's death and I'm still not over it at all.
Time and patience is the key here. Be there for him by listening and the more he talks it out the more he will get pasts those feelings of guilt. Don't try and steer him to that conclusion. Let him come it it himself.
2006-10-03 04:00:34 · answer #4 · answered by St.Anger 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Depression
2006-10-03 03:54:07 · answer #5 · answered by blueyedimpledguy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hate to say it, but move on. He is either stringing you along for sex with no commitment cause he is not ready. Sorry if you don't like this answer. Try myspace.com, you'll find more dates than you can shake a stick at.
2006-10-03 03:57:13 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He needs time... give him time.. he misses his wife and you are no replacement.
dont offer sex to him just be a kind friend.. if he is feeling like romance let him initiate.
... he needs to wait a few more years before introducing you to his family.. it just wouldn't look kosher otherwise..
2006-10-03 03:58:48 · answer #7 · answered by smilingontime 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's a true compliment to his wife....feeling the way he does. His heart has NOT had enough time to heal, therefore it's difficult for him to open it.
2006-10-03 03:59:45 · answer #8 · answered by xxx 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should expect an honest answer as to how his wife died.
2006-10-03 03:54:48 · answer #9 · answered by Proud Liberal 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
safety. and security with family viability
2006-10-03 03:55:21 · answer #10 · answered by prince47 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋