My fiance and I are getting married this weekend. She has a 4 year old daughter with her ex - and up until recently, he always treated her very poorly. (He left her when he found out that she was pregnant. And wanted nothing to do with his daughter for the first two years of her life.) And then we found out that she was pregnant, and we announced our engagement... and he has come around full circle. Suddenly, he is very supportive and has gone out of his way to build a relationship with me. While that was hard for me to swallow at first, I appreciate his support, and want the best for my step-daughter. So then, he gets my fiance a wedding gift... this bracelet that "symbolizes the union of a man and a woman". AND IT NEVER COMES OFF. I can't help but feel some kind of jealousy over it. And I need to figure out a way to ask her to remove it on our wedding day. In my mind, he is figuratively holding her wrist. We made love last night, and she wore nothing, except that damn bracelet.
2006-10-03 03:51:02 · 33 answers · asked by Jon M 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Wish I could help. I just wanted to say that you have a right to feel uncomfortable with that damn bracelet on her. The entire thing is awkward.
Its almost like some sort of sub-marriage/union thing, it bothers me and I'm a complete stranger.
Hold your ground.
If she won't take it off, she's choosing _______ over your feelings. Let her fill in the blank.
2006-10-03 03:56:00 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 0⤋
I would say that he does his old habits again because he doesn't feel like there's a reason not to now. You took that away when you broke up. He still wears his matching rings and bracelets because he still loves you. He probably wants you to get back together, and just keeps them as a reminder and to keep hope. I'm sure he wasn't ready for you to go, but decided to let you since it was what you wanted. He could have also started smoking again out of remorse for losing you. You may never know until you talk to him, though. Good luck!
2016-03-27 03:15:10 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did he buy her a Cartier "Love Bracelet"? They're usually gold with little circles on them, and then the two halves of the bracelet screw together. If so, one person is supposed to wear the bracelet, and the other person has the special screwdriver. As long as you are the one with the screwdriver, then the bracelet really does symbolize YOUR union with her.
Keep in mind that the bracelet was a wedding gift, and lately he's been making efforts to support your new family. It is a sweet gift, expecially considering how much they cost and how popular they are with celebrities! I wouldn't be concerned about it.
But if it honestly bothers too much, ask her to take it off for the wedding. I'm not sure why you want a symbol of your union to be removed for the union itself, and she might not understand this either, so be prepared for that.
2006-10-03 04:49:52 · answer #3 · answered by Pink Denial 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree that you should tell her how you feel about what this bracelet symbolizes to you.
I would think it insensitive of her to wear it on YOUR wedding day.
Maybe you could get her a nice bracelet (doesn't need to break the bank or symbolize anything if you don't want it to) and suggest she wear it on your wedding day.
Worst case scenario, if it were my husband wearing a bracelet or necklace an ex gave him, I'd be a little rough next time your intimate and break the stupid thing. Oops! That might be a little childish, but then she couldn't wear it again.
Sorry I'm not much help, this is a very awkward situation. Congrats on the wedding and the baby!
2006-10-03 04:24:43 · answer #4 · answered by Phoenixsong 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ouch. Normally I would say "get over it" but that's deep. She accepted the gift, and that is perfectly ok. However, her not taking it off at all, especially around you, especially when you two were intimate with NOTHING on...sounds like she's holding on to something. Either what she HAD with him or what she may still want with him. When I put my feet in her shoes, figuratively, I see myself daydreaming about the past or what could have been. Yes, it's only a bracelet. But it has some real meaning to it for her. I'm willing to bet.
However, you definetly need to talk this over with her. You two are getting married VERY soon and it needs to be talked about sooner rather than later. It's the biggest day for both of you, you deserve to be equally as happy as she is. That bracelet should come off, out of respect for you. When you talk to her about this, I would suggest you keep the anger level down to a minimum. Get your point across, but in an adult manner. The last thing anyone wants is to be yelled at.
2006-10-03 04:10:29 · answer #5 · answered by Rachael 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Tell her how you feel about it, I like the holding her by the wrist part. The ex needs to realize that you should be the one giving bracelets symbolizing the union of man and woman, since your the man! I can totally understand how uncomfortable you are, it would bother me. This day should be about u 2, and nothing about it should remind you about him. she wouldn't want you having something that drove her so crazy about one of your ex's on at the wedding would she? Also, keep an eye on this guy. It seems really fishy that now that she's pregnant, hes interested in being a good guy, lemme put it this way, I wouldn't be leaving him alone with either kid! good luck!
2006-10-03 04:02:55 · answer #6 · answered by ASH 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
1) Try to see her side--maybe it's the closure from her past boyfriend that is making her feel as though she should wear it all the time. OR maybe she just feels like it's a beautiful bracelet and it loosk good. You don't always have to jump to conclusions.
2) Talk to her --learn to communicate now. What better time to start? You have some insecurities with her friendship with her exboyfriend, but you also need to have confidence and trust in your relationship. Do you really think that she will leave you? Talk to her and be reasonable--keep the tone low and calm and don't accuse anyone. Just be honest.
3) You say that now the ex is being supportive and trying to get to know you. Can you blame him? You're going to be the new father of his child, and regardless of how much he was there for his daughter for 2 years, he wants to stay in contact with her NOW. Will you be able to forgive him and move on? He is your fiancee's EXboyfriend--she's getting married to you for a reason!
2006-10-03 05:02:01 · answer #7 · answered by FaZizzle 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not quite sure what the reasoning is behind the bracelet. Is it to support your union? If so I think that is very mature. But you are so entitled to your feelings and if you are entering into marriage with this woman she needs to know how you feel. If it really bothers you tell her. You should not be thinking about anything but you and her that day.
My present husband has a better realtionship with my ex than I do and it was all for the sake of our daughter. I'm thankful for this.
Just tell her you find it a little weird. The whole making love thing kinda would be???You may feel more comfortable about it later on. But for now it all seems a little new for you. That's totally understandable. It's taken us years, trust me.
2006-10-03 04:16:55 · answer #8 · answered by Kimberly R 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it symbolizes the union of a man and a woman so does that mean that he wants her to remember him? I don't see this gesture as anything but something to disrupt the two of you. Tell her how you feel but if she chooses to wear it don't let it cause a problem because honestly I think that's what he's hoping. I would never wear jewelery from an ex husband or boyfriend for my wedding even if he gave me some story about the union of a man and a woman making her think that was so sweet of him. If he has done this watch out for him trying to get more into the life of your stepdaughter because he's afraid you might become her daddy
2006-10-03 04:10:52 · answer #9 · answered by oldmomma 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think her wearing that bracelet gives me a sense she is still holding on to some feelings she had for him when they were together.
However, she is in he wrong to wear it all the time.
She won't know how you feel until you explain your feelings about it. She should understand well enough to take it off out of respect.
It is ok to wear accessories given from other people as I do. It is when it is worn all the time and won't take it off. People, as myself, usually don't take things off when it is meant something.
I would also buy her a present for your wedding day and with a smile, say you would love her to wear it on your wonderful day together. See what happens.
If she wears it on your wedding day, I would honestly express further how I feel and if she balks at it, I would question why.
It isn't the item itself. it is the reason behind it.
2006-10-03 20:44:51 · answer #10 · answered by Mutchkin 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋