my husband's ex g/f will be at wedding?

Question

My husband of 3 1/2 years dated this girl from his cousin's other side of the family. After he stopped talking to her when we met, she was very upset and I can totally understand. However, we moved out of state weeks after we married because he was sent to Iraq. While he was gone he had the same cellphone number and I would get prank calls for months, finally I changed the number. Last Halloween we attended a party that his Aunt had and this girl was there. The whole night when fine until the very end when I walked outside and her and her sister drove past me calling me names and flicking me off. I was upset. The other day I called his Aunt to see if this girl would be going to the upcoming wedding, and they told me yes, also, told me that they had hired security and that they would be keeping an eye on me. Why me? I did nothing to this person! She told me if anything happens at his wedding that we will be escorted out. My inlaws are going. Do I? If something happens,they will blame me

Answer 1

i understand completely!!!! i went to a wedding of my sister in law and my husbands ex wife was there and she is ALWAYS treated with such respect, and i am fround upon. i HATE it so much, that i have decided to stay away all together. my suggestion is to show face at the wedding to show your respect, and then leave with your husband!

Answer 2

Is your husband going to be there? What does he think of this situation? Has he tried to speak to members of his family regarding the situation and gain some understanding of what a difficult time this is for everyone involved? Has he made any attempt to talk to the ex gf himself to try an gain some semblance of civility from her? Maybe he should let her know how flattering it is to know that his ex is sooooo into him that she is still acting like a jealous shrew 3 1/2 years later. That alone might put a stop to it if she thinks others perceive her to be jealous and unable to grow up and move on. If you haven't said or done anything to antagonize this girl or the rest of the family then surely there are others in his family who recognize this. Perhaps they just haven't spoken up about it. You may have more understanding and support from his family than you realize. If you have a good relationship with his parents, try to talk with them (with your husband) and explain how hard this is for the entire family to have to live with this kind of drama whenever a family event or function comes up. They may have input that could help. If nothing else, they will see that you would like a resolution to the problem and aren't interested in participating in the same type of foolishness that the ex gf engages in. ( I'm sure there are those who see the ex gf as the emotionally insecure idiot she acts like)
Realize that the ex gf is a part of the extended family, like it or not, and she will always have her supporters. That won't change. Your conduct, on the other hand, is being scrutinized by some people and they are looking for anything to validate the other girls opinion of you. Take the high road and be as gracious as possible to his family at the wedding. Then leave, go home and curse till your hearts content about the injustice of it all. Good luck to you and remember that you aren't in this alone. Many of us have had to face problems with jealous exes and know how hard this is to deal with. You'll come out on top though!

Answer 3

Make sure your husband (if he really wants to go to this wedding) is your "knight in shining armor". Tell him what happend and what they said to you. Stay by his side and let him be YOUR security. That way no one can say that you did anything wrong or provoked any scenes and your husband will know for a fact that you are the innocent party. Sounds like to me the ex has rallied some friends. Don't give them the satisfaction of keeping you from being a part of a family event. Besides you want to keep that person away from your husband!

Answer 4

I would at least go to the wedding, maybe skip the reception if you feel uncomfortable, but it really sounds like you need to have your husband contact his aunt and let her know the truth to this story. I don't understand why they would be hiring security for you, its her they should worry about. I'm sure that their will be plenty of witnesses to see what a lunatic this girl is. Just keep your cool and if the aunt has a problem with you being the bigger person, i'm sure plenty of the witnessing guests will set her strait! Good luck!

Answer 5

I would think that your husband should handle this one. Maybe he calls his aunt and stands up for you. Tells her that you are his wife and that you are family and you deserve a little respect. While he can't ask her to stop hanging out with his ex girlfriend and he shouldn't, he can ask that she gives it a chance to get to know you based on you, not whatever this other girl is saying.

I know this has to be difficult as you probably want to be involved with the family. Just grin and bear it, show that you're the bigger person in this matter and if she feels she needs to have the extra expense of security, it's because that girl might act silly not you. You have your man and there's no reason for you to be goofy about it.

Answer 6

If they have to hire security and they fear for you safety, I would suggest sitting this wedding out with your husband. Seems she has some issues that she needs to work out.

Unfortuantly, if your looking into the future, you'd be sitting out on other weddings or family events too. Have you tried confronting this person? One on one? Or is she acting out at the end of the parties, because there is alchohol there and she is "drunk" and just letting her true feelings come out then? Just some things to consider.

Answer 7

Ok when I first read your question I clicked and was about to tell you that you should always be a bigger better person. He loves you, it's all that matters but when I read what you wrote about her... She is violent and unsophisticated. I think she might try to hurt you or embarrass you. You don't seem like a person who would be able to fight back in a violent fashion and at the wedding you'd need to. Try not to go. I wouldn't. Afterwards you should discuss this with your husband and find a solution. This is just too much and you shouldn't have to put up with it. Tell him you need his protection and that you two should find a quick solution to this annoying nuisance. Hope it works out well for you.

Answer 8

Go to the wedding, because you have every right to. Hold your head up high and if the witch tries to start anything just ignore her, walk away and go talk to someone else. there are so many people at a wedding that you dont even need to come into contact with her. And if you ever run into her in a dark alley....just kidding LOL :)

Answer 9

from what it sounds like I probably would not even go to the wedding unless you are close to the bride or the groom because if niether of them can stick up for you then when this crazy girl decides to start pulling her usual antics you will be blamed. She probably knows about the security detail and may even use that to her advantage...it will probably be best to just avoid the situation completely!

Answer 10

I wouldn't go just in case something happens if ya'll are all drinking at the reception you never know what could happen and you don't want to be blamed for the problem and cause more conflict in the family. I would just send and gift and call them when they get back from there honeymoon and congratulate them.

Answer 11

WOW!! The family has the ex's side… sounds to me that she’s the aggressor, not you.

I think that you should go to the wedding with your husband and have a good time. All she wants is to get the best of you don’t give her the time of day. That petty little so-and-so.

I think the best thing to do is ignore her, and if any contact is made with her… KILL HER with kindness (of course!). If it gets to be too much for you, make an exit.