How can you tell this to your friend?

Question

I saw my friend with her boyfriend entering motel. I thought she's innocent at first i mean i freak out and want to give her some advice about relationships. Do you thinks it's not right to judge her inspite of all these? I mean it isn't cheap to go to a place like that even when you're with the one you really love? i mean she's not what i thought so. she's very naive when it comes to that. Give me some opinion here please

actually the motel is nearby place along my working area and i found her while entering there.

it's not what i meant about judging her or what. last time on a coffee break one of our co-worker talk about her and they told me that they saw my friend there too. I don't know how to break the silence and defend her. I know she's in love with the right guy and he's not committed to anyone but gossips around the office includes me. That's why i want to open this to her.

Answer 1

None of this should concern you. Friends do not judge. MYOB.

Answer 2

I'm not sure what you are asking here. Are you thinking that by telling your friend that you disapprove, she is going to stop being sexually active? More likely she will tell you to mind your own business, and avoid you in the future. Is it "cheap" to go to a motel? Well it's certainly more convenient when lovers can simply spend time in the home of one or the other, but sometimes living situations (parents, roommates) make this impossible. A motel is certainly much safer (and more comfortable) than 'making out' in a car on some country road. Should you give her advice about relationships? Unless you know her AND her partner very well, and some CONCRETE concern (he's married, she's under 16, etc), are you really in any position to be handing down pronouncements about what your friend should and shouldn't be doing?

Sounds to me like your friend is trying to be discreet about her sexual activities, and you should respect her wish for privacy in this personal matter. The rules are the same as when someone farts at the dinner table. You do nothing, because polite people simply do not notice these things. If you feel so strongly that you'd prefer not to be friends with her over this, then just stop being friends. It's unlikely that you could 'blackmail' her into changing her behavior with threats of withdrawing your friendship, so why bring it up? Unless you are one of those fools who love scenes and confrontation, then keep quiet.

Answer 3

Ok, from personal experience, I wouldn't open my mouth. My best friend of 11 years started dating this guy. There were a TON of things I didn't like about him. He was a jerk, got her into stuff she'd never done before (drugs, heavy drinking, ect.), and so on. I opened my mouth to her and I wished I'd never done it. She had become a stranger to me because she spent so much time with him and he never let her talk to me (he was afraid we'd go out somewhere and pickup guys). I told her he was controlling and so on. That was 5 years ago. We haven't talked since. I've since found out that they broke up (very nasty breakup by the way), she's taking him to court to get money she let him borrow (he couldn't keep a job), and so on. Oh, we were 17 at the time (now 22).

As far as your situation: you sound a little young. Therefore you must also have a young friend. Thinking back to when I was a teenager, you don't really have alot of options as far as where to go if you're going to be intimate with someone. Therefore, I say leave it alone. Your friend went to a motel instead of the backseat of a car. Which sounds worse?

Also, maybe your friend and her guy were meeting people there? Some people I knew in high school rented hotel rooms to party.

All in all, it might not be what it seems or it may be exactly what it seems. Either way, if your firend wanted to talk about it, she'd come to you. You might make her really mad if you open your mouth without having all the facts.

Good luck and I hope no matter what you decide, I hope your friendship doesn't suffer like mine did.

Answer 4

It's not your relationship.

You have no room to talk if you are going to judge her for going to a motel. It's not about WHERE, it's about why. If they are on a romantic afternoon/evening, does it really make a difference if they spent $500 for a night at the Ritz or $50 for a night at the Red Roof Inn.

You don't know their financial status, don't judge. If they are happy with their relationship, don't butt in. This isn't time to give relationship advice because honestly it's not your place.

Answer 5

I always made a point of giving my friends advice and "watching out for them". But one lesson i've really learned, never try to meddle with a love interest. You can ask her if she's sure she's doing the right thing. And that you're there for her if she wants to talk. Telling her what she should and shouldn't do is never a good idea, especially if she thinks she's in love enough to do that. I know it's wrong. But maybe it isn't. You dont know everything about that relationship so you can't really judge it now.
Best of luck.

Answer 6

It's not cheap to go to a motel with the one that you love, it's fun. So is 'making out' in a car.

It's cheap to go to a motel with someone that you're just using for sex.

Lighten up! She'll ask your opinion if she wants it.

Answer 7

You know, I have been with my boyfriend for a few years and me and him still like to go and rent a room to get away from eveything and everyone and just spend some intimate time together. It is completley healthy. So I think that you are looking into this the wrong way. Dont look at it as dirty because there is nothing dirty about it.

Answer 8

If she is Naive, I hate to say this: but if her boyfriend turns out to be a jerk, or simply a failed relationship hopefully she will take this as a learning experience.

People who are ignorant or naive have to learn in thier own ways, and often through trial and error, I for one learned that way. I regret it, but it's not something that i'm going to forget anytime soon.

Answer 9

It seems like you might be the one that's sexually naive. Sounds like your friend has an active sex life. If she wasn't looking around closely enough to spot you when she went in I image she's not terribly ashamed of it either. You could certainly tell her you know she's having sex and share your worries with her but for the sake of your friendship don't judge her.

Answer 10

Make a joke ,like i know were u was last nite,and leave as that ! because if thats her biyfriend she can do it were ever they want as long its not in public,would'it u say? i mean as long as she dont go to a motel with everyone she meeta shes fine!

Answer 11

You need to mind your own business who cares if it's cheap or not how do you know how paid for it. No you shouldn't judge anyone some people just have to make their own mistakes. Don't say anything because you might even embarrass her if she wanted you to know she would have told you.