He had been cheating on me through emails, but then when he was going to go secretly visit "her", suddenly decided that he couldn't go through with it - that I meant too much to him. He instead came home that night and told me I meant the world to him. Thing is, I found the emails the very next day (after he was supposed to visit her but didn't - he had planned to see her the day before in the emails). He had said that this other girl was just a friend for a while beforehand. I broke up with him, and left our apartment. He still calls me daily two weeks later, and is very sweet.
I still love him, and he says he still loves me... but I don't know if I can believe him anymore. He had said he was just friends with this girl, even though I had been asking him for about 2 weeks whether or not he liked her as something more. He keeps asking me what he can do to make things better, and I don't know what to say. Has anyone here ever forgiven a cheater to a good result? Should I? On what terms?
2006-10-02 19:34:03 · 17 answers · asked by starlet_8 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I thought I should add this comment, for those who responded and wanted more info - thanks, btw, everyone for your answers.
1- no, he's not a "cheating type" - he is hardly even a flirting type. Actually, he had always been a wonderful boyfriend type up until recently. That's why this threw me so much, I think. I mean, I realize he didn't "go through with it", but at the same time, the emails were not just nice notes to a friend either. They were definately not something he would say to her in front of me, and I think that *if* you can believe that words are cheating (stating future actions which would constitute cheating) - then he was cheating. In any case, the trust was destroyed between us, since we have been in a monogomous relationship for a year and a half.
2- there were problems in our relationship. This is true. But i think there are problems in any relationship. I would say they were mostly managable, boredom related to some degree, and somewhat because of outside pressures.
2006-10-03 18:35:44 · update #1
All of that said, obviously the problems were big enough to him to drive him to do something out of his nature... or maybe his personal issues were big enough to do that. I did sit down and talk with him, and we are ok - not together, but amiable. I mean, there was never really a huge name calling session, just lots of hurt feelings.
2006-10-03 18:51:43 · update #2
Its not that easy to just end this. Ignore those other people saying "LEAVE HIM" because I'm 99.9% this has happen to them and they didn't leave the person. If this was the 1st time he has done something like this, try talking things out see how it goes, then slowly ease your way back into it. Good Luck alright.
2006-10-02 19:45:19 · answer #1 · answered by pritty_eyed_baby 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Us guys have such strong sex drives sometimes that the hardest thing on earth to do is not cheat. Give him a little credit for not going through with something he could have easily done. At the same time, if he was so driven to do so that he went through sneaking emails behind your back, that gives chance to 2 possibilities.
1. Something was wrong with your relationship at the time and he was looking for a way out. Sex is always a very good premise as a means to an end when you're a guy.
2. He's a cheater, and even if your relationship is great, he'll do it again.
Remember also, that you are the only person who knows everything about that specific situation.
2006-10-03 02:48:47 · answer #2 · answered by Kren777 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Cheating is something that will always come back to haunt him and you! ... Just tell him you prefer to be friends ... no specific length or time in mind either. Just keep it that way until maybe you really get to know him MORE, and see what he's all about... Other than that LEAVE him outta your love life. Find someone who's REAL for you! Who'll never look for anyone but you! :) ... I mean... what is the definition as CHEATING through emails? like how? ... jw... cuz I mean if he's generally flirtatious with females in general and online he's doing the same thing then I guess I wouldn't call that cheating... and I personally will talk to guys online and want to meet them, but that dont' mean i'm cheating... I just like meeting NEW and INTERESTING ppl to have friendships with!! :) ... Now, have you guys sat and TALKED about everything... if not you really need to sit with him and tell him your thoughts ... DOWN N DETAIL even if it hurts him, that way you get it off ur chest and let things go... and then tell him you need to be friends only that is if you can handle thta too... the friends stage. But yeah... i'm saying DUMP his A$$ to the curb otherwise! :)
2006-10-03 03:28:46 · answer #3 · answered by sweetsuezq4u 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Does it really matter if you really LOVE him?
I'm not sure if he really did cheat on you but sounds like nowadays' 'lovers' are calculating too much and in fact all they care is themselves... well, there's nothing wrong with that but I just don't think LOVE should be made this complicated.
If I believe he didn't actually cheat and I still love him, I would definitely give both of us a chance. Most likely I wouldn't even let him know I knew about it. It's just a little fantasy he's dreaming about and after all he didn't actually do anything wrong. It's painful always being the smart Wo/Men. Being dumb at the right time may do good to all parties...
Good luck!
2006-10-03 02:54:49 · answer #4 · answered by niverpool 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Leave him. There's always gonna be someone for everyone. I forgave a cheater once. When I was pregnant by him. After we split up, I found out he cheated on me with 18 different girls, not just 18 different times, but diff. girls!! 2 of those girls were my best friend of 13 years and my own mother! Thank god I didn't catch anything! Once a cheater... well you know the rest!
2006-10-03 02:39:11 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
my boyfriend {now husband} cheated on me 1 month after I had our first son, and let me tell you, it takes a long time to get over, I still talk about it almost 3 years later. I didn't leave him because I didn't have anywhere to go and I wanted a real family. He changed so much after he told me what he had done. We know talk about our feelings and what's bothering us, and I trust him now more than I ever did. Good luck, and remember ther are plenty of fish in the sea!
2006-10-03 02:48:07 · answer #6 · answered by Shay 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I say wait awhile. If he really loves you that much, he will be around for awhile longer. Why rush???? You want him (maybe) and he wants you (supposedly) just take it slow. Maybe you should try not talking to him for a few days and analyze the situation and see how it feels to be without him. I think it is good that he came forward, but how do you really know nothing happened prior to that? I hoping nothing did! You just need to decide if you can forgive and trust him, because if you can't, it won't work.
2006-10-03 02:48:01 · answer #7 · answered by littlebit17 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
gurl ounce acheater always a cheater and he could be lying he might be with her right know you dont know and girls lie to beleive me i know my ex cheated on me for a while before i found out i thought he was a at work or at the store or a friends and i even found letters and called her to confront her and she said no they were just friends bla bla bla be careful gurl and watch out for you thats your heart on the line if you love him let him go evadentally hes not happy or wouldnt of done it to begin with good luck keep your head up and remember if you have agut instinct or your gonna let it weigh on your mind get away from him
2006-10-03 03:40:25 · answer #8 · answered by lilcavichick 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well in the end he didn't do anything besides exchange emails. He probably realizes what would happen if he tried it again and since he's still calling I would give him another chance.
2006-10-03 02:47:32 · answer #9 · answered by zooba 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He did the right thing. I suggest give him the grief but the respect as well. I would get backk if you love him.
Come on call him go over there now! You know you want to ! hell I want you to, :)
2006-10-03 02:48:08 · answer #10 · answered by Labatt113 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋