I finally left the man I was married to for 18yrs. He was a prescription drug addict that I should have left a long time ago. Anyway, I got back in contact with my first love form highschool. We were each others first everything. He moved away. We met for lunch and WOW the feelings were still alive. We started a relationship. Problem-he is still married. I moved 100 miles to be close to him, at his suggestion. His wife found out, he left, we moved in together. He went back, mostly for his young son. We continued seeing each other. I moved back to where I came from for the sake of my kids. We still love each other. He and his wife are trying counselling but he still tells me he loves me. We haven't seen each other but we talk and email regularly. I still love him deeply. is there anything I can do to make him see how much he is missing or do I just move on? If I move on, how do I forget him? We are very compatible. Sexually we are amazing. His words are the best ever
2006-10-02 19:26:38 · 13 answers · asked by Stephani 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
It should be easy to move on - which you have to. And I say easy because you should know that things with him would never last - look what he did to his wife.. you may feel different and that he would never do that to you - cheat on you - but he would.. they do it over and over again. The "other woman" is so thrilling, new and exciting and if you ever became the wife - he would eventually need another woman.
You know that he is married though you are still contacting him and responding which is not right. If you care for this man - you would care that he has a family that he made and that he owes something to - some respect - he has a son. And a wife that is probably feeling dead inside and doing everything she can to make their relationship last and you are doing things to end it - that just isn't fair.
You were hurt and then you went after someone who was married - and you should not have done that. In order to numb your pain from the loss of your marriage, you are taking part in destroying someone elses' and no one should have to feel that pain - you went through pain when you left your previous man - and that wasn't for another woman but in a way - it was. He chose something else over you - an addiction and that had to kill you inside. So - you know this pain - why would you give it to someone else?
You may think that it is his problem to do this to his wife and not yours but it is yours - it is not like you told him if you leave her, I am here for you - he has gone back to her.. and you are on the side. You will never be #1 cause he has a family.
And even if you ever were #1- you would have to live with a son who resented you and his mother who would even moreso - and he might even sooner or later. And you might feel guilty about this sooner or later. It is not right to be the other woman - if you loved him you wouldn't step in after all of these years and help ruin his marriage. I am sure it makes you feel desired, wanted, attractive that he is ruining it over you but that is not how you should feel - it just is not right. At all!
So now you are not having a physical affair but you are still having one nonetheless - an emotional one based on fantasy - not reality - that is what should help you move on - that this is not real - what is real is his son and his wife and the fact that he went back to her - he chose her. He chose his son. And whatever he says to you doesn't matter - you are dealing with someone who lies - he lies to you too -overall - he chose them - his family - yours didn't work out so you destroyed his - just stepped in after all these years.
Just cause you were first everything does not give you the right to do that - he didn't wait for you or leave her - he met her and married her and made a son cause he loves her. He would not just go back for his son - sounds good coming from him but he wouldn't have done that and dealt with her rage unless he still loves her. Open your eyes.
Let this man heal - let his wife heal - you are still breaking them up and you can't feel good about that - how could you ever base a relationship with someone off of lies, deceit and an affair? That is not a healthy -or any kind of beginning. You say you "got back in contact with him" - did you find him and call him and do this? You just came in outta nowhere and shattered their lives?
I am not trying to be mean to you - but think about it - how you felt - how you feel - you are still in pain too over your loss and you need this to feel better about yourself - there are other ways.. there are other men - who are honest and better yet - available - who you can make a life with - no have to destroy one to make it. It would never be based on honesty -it would never last.
You have done enough - so has he - let them mend their relationship - If he wants you ,he would leave her and see his son still - that is what people do - he is back there for them not him. And I know that hurts but you set yourself up here for this pain - you knew he was married. You say "stilll married" as if there may be a divorce which should go to show you the lies he is already planting in your head - you think he may leave. If he was going to leave, he would have - he is not.
Don't contact him anymore and continue to break apart this family - it is not just his wife - it is his young son who needs parents - who will see and hear them fight over this - his young son - and if you really really loved this man and cared about him - you would let him go.
You would move one - be grateful for the times you had - and move on. His words would be the best ever - cause they are lies.. he makes everything appeal to everyone - he tells her one thing so they can work things out and tells you these lies like he will leave and be with you - his words are not the best - they are a story - one based on fiction. And sex - is nothing over love..Sex is supposed to be making love where all that person has in their mind is you - their love for you - your face, your body - your memories - he has two faces and his son in his head... How can it be so good when he has another woman in his mind?
He loves his family and he has a young son who shouldn't have to grow up with this pain and stress because you wanted to rekindle some long lost love - once you knew he was taken , you should have backed out - respected his life - moved on. Now it is too late - so do it now. You are both adults who should know right from wrong and this is wrong - his lies are not the best - he is just too perfect to you right .. dont' you see what he did to his family - what he allowed you to do cause you were hurt... you both acted on impulse and ruined the lives of two other innocent people - that is so selfish so turn it around - care about them now - not just how you feel - You can feel good in another relationship without a ton of guilt on your shoulders -- you may have enjoyed the drama, the wayhe had to have you - but he will always have to have someone else - any man that breaks vows he made for life and isn't man enough to leave FIRST - is no man at all.
Best wishes
2006-10-02 19:46:07 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are on the rebound and just need someone to be there for you emotionally. That's not right of you to be so selfish, you didn't even think twice that he had a wife and children, that is so cold hearted. Don't you know if he does decide to be with you it won't work because of the way you got him. Think about your children, do you need a man that bad, move on and let his marriage heal. You've just turned him into everything your husband could never be, because no married man means every word he say's to his mistress. He's not happy and your desperate and your both acting out without thinking about what it's doing to you or your children, be careful because what goes around comes right back on around again!!!
2006-10-03 02:36:12 · answer #2 · answered by Mycan Moneek 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well I'm sorry to tell you this , but the way it looks to me is that if he REALLY felt the same way about you..he would be with YOU no matter what. None of theses excuses that he needs to be near his son blah blah.. maybe it;s just an infatuation you 2 have with each other, if i were you, id say to him , if you really love me , be with me for good, no matter what,, at the end of the day, parents should not stay married for the sake of the kids, that is just the wrong reason to stay married and it never really lasts, or it's never really a happy home.Things just get worse, so hun, give him the ultimation, and go from there, find someone who will love you back and give you the respect you deserve.
2006-10-03 02:34:10 · answer #3 · answered by springo88 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Please move on. I am at the other end of this situation and it is so painful. I am 35 weeks pregnant and my boyfriend (ex) has left me for a 34 year old married woman, drugs and alcohol. We are only 22. If this man and his wife are trying to work things out for the sake of their son for God's sake let them. Who are you to tear apart a family? Let them be. I resent this woman for not leaving my babies father alone because of her we will never get the chance to be a family and in the mean time she is ruining hers. There are way to many peoples emotions involved in this situation. I know that is probably the last thing you want to hear.
2006-10-03 02:34:57 · answer #4 · answered by shane m 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you will never forget your first love he want leave his wife if u wait on that you want ever find true love move on someone else will come around just give it time don't waste your life waiting for something that's not going to happen
2006-10-03 02:39:29 · answer #5 · answered by purple_puma 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Move on...don't ruin his kid's childhood and dignity. If he went back to his wife, that means at least his son means a lot to him so just move on and don't be a *****!
2006-10-03 02:53:17 · answer #6 · answered by daniel l 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My questions to you. Why are you messing around with a married man for? Why do you wish to break up his happy home for? Move on. find somebody that is not married,
2006-10-03 02:35:14 · answer #7 · answered by dmncprkr 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Move on and you will forget him before you realize. He can not love you if he is married still. Worry about your kids now.
2006-10-03 02:29:47 · answer #8 · answered by charity2882 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
ultimatum time , it doesn't matter how good you are together if you dint live with him. He left you to go back to her, obviously he has some reservations, he needs to choose. you have proved your still desirable a with a whole world of men out there to see if you can get better
2006-10-03 02:28:55 · answer #9 · answered by brinlarrr 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Then you were just a fling to him,try again with someone that's not married next time.
2006-10-03 02:29:37 · answer #10 · answered by master_der_man 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋