My boyfriend and I have dated for over a year. (We're 19, in college) We're both strong Christians who have worked our hardest to keep God at the very top of everything. We've never gone further than some making-out in the past, which we've stopped. Recently, I almost feel like we're starting it up again... After messages or quiet times, we would feel guilty about it and convicted to stop it once and for all, and focus on a God-centered relationship. But when the moment seizes us, especially if we're like taking a walk alone, it's hard to resist a little kiss, which can turn into a long kiss, which fortunately doesn't turn into much else. Sometimes I just want to turn to him and say "I love you. Let's not do this and stay true to God. I don't want you to stumble and I want us to be right with each other and with God." But I've never gotten the willpower or courage... Please help...? Any advice for us would be greatly welcomed. Thanks.
2006-10-02 18:53:04 · 20 answers · asked by reba 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
I admire your courage to even acknowledge your feelings of having: what I call a "fear of God." Do not let what some people say remove or doubt that FEAR, O.K? People today do not have that which is truly sad, and so, I truly extend my love to you and your boyfriend on that note.
Ways that can help to stay chaste while dating:
1) Avoid situations that could lead to necking or intimate massages -- Prov. 23:19
2) Try going out in groups sometimes or bring a friend along. I know it sounds somewhat childish, but if you think about it.... it could really help
3) Keep your conversation on an upbuilding level... Don't let it take you on sexual discussion.
4) It may also help by dressing modest..... I'm sure its hard for your boyfriend to stay focused on being God-centered, if you're wearing a very low cut shirt showing cleavage and high skirt that's all thighs... I'm sure you know what I mean
5) Lastly, just be straight-forward with honesty w/ your mate... Let your no mean no.
I hope some of my suggestions help a bit. And again, continue doing what you're doing as far as keeping God first in your life and actually having a personal relationship with him.......Trust me...... By doing that, God will generously respond by giving you guys "power beyond what is normal." (2 Cor. 4:7) He'll help you two, make it through. Hope all goes well. I really DO!! Take care.
2006-10-02 19:45:48 · answer #1 · answered by Zee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, no part of the bible says that it is forbidden to engage in kisses and heavy petting with your intended. Has he gotten you an engagement ring yet? If it isn't that serious, let it fall away,, or stop being a Christian.
Remember that only God can transform your love into a sacred event.
When you get an engagement ring, practise praying together, studying the bible together, discussing aspects of belief together, especially the relationship between love and faith, repeatedly look at love, in particular your love together, as a metaphor for Gods love of the two of you and the world, and look at how it all is related. Look forward to and anticipate your bridal night as a sacred event that the two of you can only experience once. Look into the Judaic views on the night of the Sabbath as a way that husband and wife together are especially empowered to contact God.
2006-10-02 21:00:14 · answer #2 · answered by raxivar 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keep your eyes on God, let Him rule, If what you have is true love you will be able to handle the urges with Gods help. And with true love every thing else will wait until you're finished school and when the time is right hopefully marrage will follow. Remember keep God first.
2006-10-02 19:15:43 · answer #3 · answered by rmck2000 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is where the misconception of Religion comes to play. You love him? He loves you? You both love God? If the answer to these questions are yes, you are more than welcome to, "have sex". Whoa we just blew past the kissing stage. Back in the old days when a man and a woman wanted to be married they went before God. There were no legal documents saying so. There were no tax breaks either. So, if you feel that you two will be married one day, then go for it. Gods law comes first, then mans law. If you don't want to have sex, then make out. It's perfectly fine to do that. It's not offending offending anyone, and I don't think God will condem you to hell for it.
2006-10-02 19:00:27 · answer #4 · answered by phe_03 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
You're on the right track.
Enjoy each others company, put Christ first.
We all have sin issues.
Avoid situations where you can be drawn into compromise, and remember that sex is also a gift from God. Just keep it in context of marriage. Sex is the easy part.
Forgiveness is absolute, and should overcome guilt, so do your best, and remember you are not falling out of salvation because of how you feel. Courtship is part of love. Lust for your husband only.
If this is the guy, he's blessed. Party when the times correct. (after the wedding)
** amazing how unpopular abstinence is. thanks for all the downed thumbs. it's good to go against the flow in todays world....
2006-10-02 19:06:05 · answer #5 · answered by pops 6 · 1⤊ 3⤋
Your boyffirned sounds like a great guy. You share the same values and that is very important in a relationship. Sometimes it's so hard to verbalize your feelings yet somehow you speak it here so freely and openly. I;d suggest you write what you just wrote here in a card or letter or email to him.
If it's a card or letter you will be there or not there to get his immediate reaction. if it's an email and you want to know when he recieves it send him an ecard and many notify you of that.
If he is truly 'the one' he will understand how you feel completely and be strong with you.
2006-10-02 18:58:23 · answer #6 · answered by BlondeBarbie 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Seems a shame that you allow primitive superstition to influence your behaviour.
That's not suggesting that promiscuity is right (for everyone) but a normal male/female relationship tents towards the sexual because that's how we're designed. If indeed God designed and created us, it must be that he intended us to use the gifts he gave us, not throw them back in his face.
BtW, the statistics show that those who are virgin at marriage have the highest divorce rate for short term marriages - put down as "sexual incompatibility".
you're getting close to the belief that God intends man to be miserable in order to worship him/her/it.
2006-10-03 00:14:45 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow! My friend and her now husband didn't kiss before they were married... They actually ended up getting married before their actual wedding because of a kisssing slip up. hehe All i can tell you is to keep praying and to try to avoid situations that tempt you. I dont' think a little smooch here and there is wrong as long as you set a limit and stick to it. I wouldn't say that you two are lusting after each other either. God gave us the desire to want to kiss etc... and as long as it's just kissing and sharing your love and not moving it to sex etc... i think you're ok. Why not consider getting married? It would solve a lot of your problems.
2006-10-02 18:57:45 · answer #8 · answered by dang 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
See, that's the problem with abstinence vows. Rather than forcing yourself to abstain no matter what, carry protection just in case there's a weak moment. Because chances are, one of you might slip up, especially considering what you've just said.
2006-10-02 19:08:37 · answer #9 · answered by i luv teh fishes 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I really admire your even trying to think and act along these lines! You are basically on the right track. Don't spend too much time alone together. Be warm, and continue to share the Word and pray for that salutary self-control. "Whatever is good and lovely, think on these things." (Philippians)
You have a good thing going, by His gift -- don't mess it up, tough as that is!
2006-10-02 18:59:02 · answer #10 · answered by catintrepid 5 · 2⤊ 2⤋