I am a writer with one big weak point. I'm not good at doing woman. So I need a little help.
Sekken felt a soft hand on his for arm shaking him into wakefulness. As he opened his eyes an angle like face appeared to be looking down at him. She had soft purple eyes with long purple hair to match. Her lips where small painted pink.
Does this sound good, suggtions on how to make it better?
(No comments on my spelling please)
2006-10-02 18:32:25 · 7 answers · asked by Sekkennight 3 in Education & Reference ➔ Other - Education
Sekken felt a soft hand on his forearm shaking him into wakefulness. As he opened his eyes an angle like face appeared to be looking down at him. She had soft purple eyes with long wavy purple hair to match. Her hair flowed down across her cheek party covering her small wet lips.
Better?
2006-10-02 18:48:09 · update #1
Its good, she feels real and I can see her in my minds eye
2006-10-03 12:31:50 · answer #1 · answered by KaiaMoon 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"Sekken felt a soft hand on his forearm, shaking him into wakefulness. As he opened his eyes, soft purple eyes from an angular face looked down at him. Her long purple hair fell down across her cheek, partly obscuring her small lips which were painted pink."
good luck!
2006-10-02 18:38:41 · answer #2 · answered by truth seeker 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
angel angle is not a woman with wings. who in the world has purple eyes. and why small lips, men like big lips. use a more descriptive word, lilac or violet rather than just purple, long wavy hair or long straight hair? dont make it two sentences, just and soft pink lips or juicy pink lips, or full pink lips.
2006-10-02 18:42:10 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're not good at doing woman....oh that's just too easy for me to make a rude comment.
There' more to writing about women than just writing one paragraph. This paragraph is fine other than the purple eyes thing but I'd have to read a lot more to say for sure how you are doing.
2006-10-02 18:40:02 · answer #4 · answered by theblackenedphoenix 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ya lets see,,
maybe try not going into so much detail on the girlsay {angelic , buetiful,gorgous,a red rose in the grey light of dawn,}ive written several books ranging from one hundred page to thousand page books and what i have learned is somtimes as writers we try explaning to much to the reader instead of letting the reader use his her amagination, use simple words, short,
2006-10-02 18:48:30 · answer #5 · answered by Josh P 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My English is not very good, but when I read your document I can feel, can imagine about one woman who is very nice, nice, nice. I would love her too... I think it's ok.
2006-10-02 18:58:26 · answer #6 · answered by Lai Lan 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like it. It's actually pretty. You explained it so that we could have a picture in our heads of what it looked like.
2006-10-02 18:40:42 · answer #7 · answered by .oh snap.london bridge.oh snap. 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋