SEX the DOG???

Question

Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him "Rover" or "Spot". I call mine Sex. Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to the City Hall to renew the dog's license, I told the clerk that I would like a license for Sex. He said, "I would like to have one too!"

Then I said, "But she is a dog!" He said he didn't care what she looked like. I said, "You don't understand.... I have had Sex since I was nine years old." He replied, "You must have been quite a strong boy."

When I decided to get married, I told the minister that I would like to have Sex at the wedding. He told me to wait until after the wedding was over. I said, "But Sex has played a big part in my life and my whole world revolves around Sex." He said he didn't want to hear about my personal life and would not marry us in his church. I told him everyone would enjoy having Sex at the wedding. The next day we were married at the Justice of the Peace. My family is barred from the church from then on.

When my wife and I went on our honeymoon, I took the dog with me. When we checked into the motel, I told the clerk that I wanted a room for me and my wife and a special room for Sex. He said that every room in the motel is a place for sex. I said, "You don't understand. Sex keeps me awake at night." The clerk said, "Me too!"

One day I entered Sex in a contest. But before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just looking around. I told him that I was going to have Sex in the contest. He said that I should have sold my own tickets. "You don't understand," I said, "I hoped to have Sex on TV." He called me a show off.

When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, "Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married but Sex left me after I was married." The Judge said, "Me too!"

Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking all over for her. A cop came over and asked me what I was doing in the alley at 4 o'clock in the morning. I said, "I'm looking for Sex." --

My case comes up next Thursday.

Well now I've been thrown in jail, been divorced and had more troubles with that dog than I ever foresaw. Why just the other day when I went for my first session with the psychiatrist, she asked me, "What seems to be the trouble?" I replied, "Sex has been my best friend all my life but now it has left me for ever. I couldn't live any longer so lonely." And the doctor said, "Look, mister, you should understand that sex isn't a man's best friend, so get yourself a dog."

Answer 1

WOOOO!!! I Love sex....
hey wat u thinking..LOL

Answer 2

DOGGY DICTIONARY
Shamelessly swiped from The CheezZine
http://www.topica.com/lists/cheez/read

BICYCLES: Two-wheeled exercise machines, invented for dogs to
control body fat. To get maximum aerobic benefit, you must hide
behind a bush and dash out, bark loudly and run alongside for a
few yards; the person then swerves and falls into the bushes,
and you prance away.

BUMP: The best way to get your human's attention when they are
drinking a fresh cup of coffee or tea.

DEAFNESS: This is a malady which affects dogs when their person
wants them in and they want to stay out. Symptoms include
staring blankly at the person, then running in the opposite
direction, or lying down.

DOG BED: any soft, clean surface, such as the white bedspread
in the guest room or the newly upholstered couch in the living
room.

DROOL: Is what you do when your persons have food and you don't.
To do this properly you must sit as close as you can and look
sad and let the drool fall to the floor, or better yet, on their
laps.

GARBAGE CAN: A container which your neighbors put out once a week
to test your ingenuity. You must stand on your hind legs and try
to push the lid off with your nose. If you do it right you are
rewarded with margarine wrappers to shred, beef bones to consume
and moldy crusts of bread.

GOOSE BUMP: A maneuver to use as a last resort when the Regular
Bump doesn't get the attention you require... especially
effective when combined with The Sniff.

LEAN: Every good dog's response to the command "sit!" especially
if your person is dressed for an evening out. Incredibly effective
before black-tie events.

LEASH: A strap which attaches to your collar, enabling you to lead
your person where you want him/her to go.

LOVE: Is a feeling of intense affection, given freely and without
restriction. The best way you can show your love is to wag your
tail. If you're lucky, a human will love you in return.

SNIFF: A social custom to use when you greet other dogs. Place
your nose as close as you can to the other dog's rear end and
inhale deeply, repeat several times, or until your person makes
you stop.

SOFAS: Are to dogs like napkins are to people. After eating it is
polite to run up and down the front of the sofa and wipe your
whiskers clean.

THUNDER: This is a signal that the world is coming to an end.
Humans remain amazingly calm during thunderstorms, so it is
necessary to warn them of the danger by trembling uncontrollably,
panting, rolling your eyes wildly, and following at their heels.

WASTEBASKET: This is a dog toy filled with paper, envelopes, and
old candy wrappers. When you get bored, turn over the basket and
strew the papers all over the house until your person comes home.

Answer 3

Wow, Sex is really good though mischievous too. I love sex, i wish i had it every morning and nite and even during the day at work, during break, and in the restroom too. Haha, don't u just wanna have sex everywhere. LOL

Answer 4

Hohohohohohohohoho!

Answer 5

I love sex the dog jokes

Answer 6

I called my dog spots all my neighbors get upset when I go outside and yell come spots, come spots

Answer 7

what does a nymphamaniac say to her dog when it licks her face?

Down boy!

Answer 8

hahahahaha
That's funny

Answer 9

Good one.

Answer 10

good one. Nothing clever to say here. sorry.

Answer 11

omg, thats sooo funny!