Did I write this sentence correctly?

Question

Does anything need to be placed after "community", commas, etc.? I'm just not sure if it's written correctly. Thank you for your help in advance and greetings!! =)

"This is a career that would drive my passion of stabilizing mutual agreements amongst employees, employers, and the community while preserving the productivity, efficiency, and talent of the flourishing City."

Answer 1

NO comma before AND

NEVER

"This is a career that would drive my passion of stabilizing mutual agreements amongst employees, employers and the community while preserving the productivity, efficiency and talent of the flourishing City."

Answer 2

Seems to me that there are too many commas in there. You might wish to break it up into two sentences:

This is a career that would drive my passion of stabilizing mutual agreements amongst employees, employers and the community. At the same time it would preserve the productivity, efficiency and talent of the flourishing city.


**you don't need a comma before the word "and"

Answer 3

This is a career that would drive my passion for stabilizing mutual agreements amongst employees, employers and the community, while preserving the productivity, efficiency and talent of the flourishing City.

i.e. take out the commas after employers and efficiency, and put in a comma after while.

also, amongst is correct, not between as another user suggested; between is for 2 people/parties.

stabilizing = US English. if using British English then it's spelt stabilising

Answer 4

You are making two completely different statements about why you want the career and what you will do with it. You should either split it into two sentences or separate it with a semi-colon to show that one statement is reliant or a result of the other

"This is a career that would drive my passion to create a stable environment between employees, employers, and the community. This job would also allow me to utilize my skills to preserve the productivity, efficiency, and talent of a flourishing city."

Several posters are mistaken that you should not use a comma before "and" though. A comma should be placed before "and" whenever there are three or more objects specified.
eg.
Two objects -
The dog is red and white.

Three objects -
The dog is red, white, and blue.

Although people will tell you that using a comma is similar to using the word "and", that is only a convenient guide for elementary students just learning to write. Using a comma before the last "and" will avoid any potential confusion.

Answer 5

I think you would say "This is a career that would fuel my passion for stabilizing...I don't think you need anything after community if it is all one thought....(you have a passion for stabilizing agreements while preserving the productivity.)

Answer 6

it really is a especially strong sentence, even if i'd advise rewriting it as: yet an extra reason a rebellion is not likely to ensue is that the animals do no longer have strong adequate administration to make a rebellion ensue. it really is merely my 2 cents and be at liberty to critique that as you note in tremendous condition, or merely no longer use it in any respect in case you want yours more beneficial positive. are also you writing about George orwell's animal farm?

Answer 7

I would use ; after community.

Answer 8

This looks great to me

Answer 9

i would substitute "between" for "amongst"

i just think it sounds better, it works either way

Answer 10

Looks good to me :)