I'm 14 and I need to talk to my mom about something but don't know how to talk to her. I've never been able to talk to her about anything, I've tried to improve my relationship with her, but it just doesn't work. Here's the basics, I'm trying to rebuild a relationship with my father who I haven't seen in nearly a decade. I'm not mad at him, I've talked to him over the phone for the past few months, and the situation is complicated, but yeah. I asked him if I could see him sometime and he said that was all right with him. I told him I would talk to my mom to make sure it's okay. I don't know how to talk to her about this, but I really do need her permission to see him. What is history for her is, in a sense, a future for me. My father isn't a bad person, he is fine now, and he loves me and I'm sure of that. Please, any help is greatly appreciated.
Additional Details
17 minutes ago
He used to have gambling problems and went undiagnosed for bipolar- so he probably was very depressed at times and went into mania at others, but now he is on medication which seems to be working well.
12 minutes ago
Thank you for all of your answers thus so far..Just one more thing, I'm not sure how to get over my fear of talking to her. My fear isn't really that she'll say no, I know how to stand my own ground in a polite, respectful way, but just getting the nerve up to talk to her is hard for me. I've always had trouble with this.
10 minutes ago
I'm not going behind my mom's back. She knows I've been talking to him, believe me, I wouldn't do that.
7 minutes ago
To clarify things up a bit, there is nothing between them any more, nothing at all, they don't like or dislike each other, it's just neutral. I understand my mom has the right to put up a defense about this, and I understand she may have mixed feelings. I don't think they got divorced because she didn't love him anymore, it was becasue he was unable to take care of me, and she knew he wasn't a good father for me, and I love her deeply for that. But i still have a broken relationship with her. She has like 0 patience and I"m just so confused!
Additional Details
6 minutes ago
I really need help..Please, I'm so stressed and confused!
2006-10-02 14:42:51 · 13 answers · asked by Kiara 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Honey, your Mom needs to hear you out. Tell her what you feel. Don't worry how she will take it, or perceive it. It sounds like you are a peacekeeper in your family. And you NEED to vent to her. You are far too young to have so much stress in your life over this. Being 14 is hard enough, without all this other stuff.
My ex was bipolar. His relationship with the kids is fine. He's a good man, despite his illness and they love him and are very close. Your Mom needs to let you love your Dad. She can't keep you from it, so don't hold back, tell her how you feel. If things are just kept inside it will eat you up.
If she gives you too much of a hard time, then ask her to help find you a counselor, someone you can talk to, since she is not offering herself to you.
2006-10-02 14:50:53 · answer #1 · answered by simone 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just talk to your mother. It may take a while for you to build up the nerve to, but if you really want to know your father, then you have to ask you mother about it. This may hurt her though. I'm sure there were many things that your mother and father went through that you don't fully know about or understand, so she may be against the whole idea. Just explain to her that although she may not think it best, that you are becomming a young adult, and that you need to learn for yourself. If you get hurt from the experience, it will only make you sronger, and if it turns out to be a good outcome, then you can only benefit. . Tell your mother that she need to let you do this for YOU. YOU need to see what your father is like...not hear from someone else what he was like a long time ago. My main point is that you just need to suck it up and ask her. Myabe you could say, "Mom, i know you may be against this entire ieda, but i just wanted to know if i could maybe go see dad. I havent seen him in such a long time and i want to see how he is. I know somethings went on between yall that i may never know or understand, but i need to find out about my father for myself. maybe we can go have a meeting with him where someone is watching us so nothing bad happens. please?"
hopefully she'll let you!
-Alex
Age- 12.
2006-10-02 15:56:53 · answer #2 · answered by lexiloo54321 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry sweetie you have to go thru all this... and I am so proud of you... you are one good daughter to even try to understand moms point of view... ok, what you need to do is write a little letter to mom... think it out and put into words how and what you feel... tell her what you have told us... that you understand the decisions she made and love and respect her for it... tell her how you feel about Dad... maybe suggest a short outing with him, during the day, and maybe carry a cell phone at all times.... just to reassure her you are safe... or maybe he can meet you at a park and mom sit in the car and you and Dad visist for about 30 mins or so........ make it simple and short, so as to NOT stress urself, mom or dad, and then as time goes on maybe mom too can learn trust when it comes to you and dad... I wish you all the best and please dont stress... it will all work out... just be honest and respectful and I know it will..... God bless
2006-10-02 14:52:11 · answer #3 · answered by Annie 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You might fear mom because of what you think she will say. I think you need to approach her, not as a little child asking for permission, but as a girl who wants to have two parents. Instead of saying, "Can I see my father?" you might try saying: "I want to see my father because I am a part of him just like I am a part of you and I think that I would like to get to know that part a bit more." Let me add, you seem to be a very bright young lady and clearly know the situation. When I say you might fear mom because of what she might say, I'm talking about the fear of the answer as opposed to fear of you mother. She also sounds like a caring person and I know she wants what's best for you so I think you need to trust what will happen when you carefully and respectfully tell her what you want. You were about four, you say, when you last saw your dad and I think it's commendable that you want to have some kind of relationship with him. I like your insight too and hope you get what you want.
2006-10-02 15:12:02 · answer #4 · answered by heyrobo 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yeah, I agree, write her a letter....You sound like one of the most level headed young people I have read a question from in this format, so I think you'll be just fine....Don't be so scared, she's not going to hit you, she may not like the idea, but he isn't her father, he's yours....Even adults have to grow up sometimes, If your father has gotten the right kind of help, that's great...Your mother cared for him enough to make you, maybe she can remember that person, maybe that is who exists now....Meet on a mutually agreed apon place, and if it turns out ok, then your mom may trust him with you more....
2006-10-02 14:58:53 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Write her a letter. Sometimes I have trouble talking about things like this too, and I'll write a long letter and explain my feelings, and leave it for the person to read. That usually breaks the ice, and gives the person time to think about it without being out on the spot. Good luck to you, and i hope your renewal with dad is good. I had a similar experience, and have kept in contact with my Dad. He's is an alcoholic and we aren't real close, but he's my Dad and I try and repect him and be nice to him.
2006-10-02 16:07:04 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
It's very impotant for a daughter to have a trusting relationship with her mother. You should start by just talking to your mom and telling her small things, then just work your way up. As you build more and more trust with your mom start to tell her about your dad and how you miss him. Most likely she will understand allow you to see him. Have faith everything will work out for the best. Good Luck. I hope you see him.
2006-10-02 14:52:31 · answer #7 · answered by Baby Gurl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yasss!! And it is so demanding, for illustration if I'd ask her a sensible query she might supply me an reply valued at five hours of speakme, she additionally talks at the mobilephone for hours and the worst factor is that she shouts while speakme. I have no idea why
2016-08-29 08:56:09 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, the longer you stew over this the worse it will be. If your mom knows that you are talking to your dad she knows that you will be asking to see him...it is the natural progression. Quit stressing and second guessing and go talk to your mom and get it over with...you'll both feel better because I am sure she can tell that you are stressing over something...just take an deep breath and plunge in. It will be okay. :)
2006-10-02 14:51:30 · answer #9 · answered by Barbiq 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
ok take a deep breath....another.... and listen to this cuz i am a mother.... if i was your mom you could say anything to me.. that is why she is your mom.. she only wants the best for you. tell her that you really want to have your dad in your life... tell her you need this... your mom must love you very much if she took you away from your dad if he was messing up... your mom doesnt want you to get hurt again..... wait for a time to talk to her when she is relaxed alittle... and ease into the conversation of seeing your dad and having him in your life....tell her you love her and this is for you not her... she will understand.... i would....
2006-10-02 14:49:58 · answer #10 · answered by snakeskin 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋