Is taking belongings away a good punishment for a three year old?

Question

My three year old daughter misbehaves constantly. I have tried so many ways to curve her behavior. Time outs, early bedtimes, rewards when she is good, and even spanking (which I read a very enlightening article on the effects of spanking and I will not spank my child ever again. It's not effective) I was just wondering I was told that a good punishment is to start taking toys away until the behavior turns betters. I was trying to get some input on this. I was told to keep taking toys away till she starts to behave even if that means leaving her with nothing but a bed and her bedsheets. I think this is a little extreme but I am deperate to find a way to make my child behave. Could this work or is it a little too over the top for a three year old?

Answer 1

It’s too extreme and it won’t work. Using natural and logical consequences whenever possible work best. Taking away a toy or privileges when a she misbehaves is not a logical consequence. Taking away a toy if she throws it or is destructive with it is logical. These are some other examples of logical consequences. If a she makes a mess, she cleans it. If she breaks something, it goes in the trash and no one can use it. If she throws a fit, she gets put in a place away from you until she is ready to calm down. Let the discipline fit the crime.

I am so glad you don’t believe in spanking! It’s amazing how many parents here suggest spanking. I have worked in a preschool for over 12 years and, of course, cannot spank or I would be out of a job. Spanking is a form of punishment, not a form of discipline. Parents need to discipline their children. Over the years I have had to come up with alternative techniques to disciplining children and they work!

Another technique you can use when she is misbehaving is this. As soon as she misbehaves, get down to her level and say "I don't like when you (I explain what and why)." Take her gently by the hand and put her in a spot away from you (her room, the couch) and say "When you're ready to (control yourself, listen, behave) then you can come back with me." This is not a time out because you are not setting a time limit (you controlling her). She returns she is ready to control herself.

Notice her when she is not misbehaving. Say things like "You worked on that for a long time! Look how high you can climb! You used so many colors on that picture!" These are intrinsic motivators rather than extrinsic rewards ("Good job," stickers, candy). These phrases are great confidence builders and help children to feel powerful in a positive way.

Always set limits, follow through, and offer choices, not chances “Do you want to do that by yourself or do you want some help?” "No" should mean "No" the first time you say it. Say "Yes" as much as possible. Pick your battles! Be patient and consistent. All this without spanking!

Answer 2

I have 4 kids so I know VERY WELL what you are dealing with. I have found that human families are much like families of other creatures. The male tends to be dominant. I am willing to bet that if there is a dad in the house that the kids behave better when he is there than when he is not. I have also found that if you start certain punishments too early (like grounding or taking things away) it will lose affectiveness for later. We started grounding our kids at early ages and NOW it does not bother them one bit. Why? Because doing it so early enabled them to come up with things that they could do during that time to occup themselves so that the punishment became less such. Now it does not work at all and my kids are between ages 6and 12 years old. Grounding...NOT good too early. Corner, also not good for the same reason. Spanking..l.useless. Trying to reason with the child, also useless. Best thing WE found to do was make dad the bad guy when he got home. What that means is that every day I would keep a list of EVERY LITTLE thing the child did wrong during the day. At night I would hand it over to dad. I MADE all the rules so when he corrected the kids at night he was doing it in a way that enforced MY policies. Eventually they came to realize that mom made the rules and that if they did NOT do things MY way then it was worse to deal with dad later. Now they respect dad more and listen to me when I expect it. It will not happen right away, most lilely not for a few years as it is a LONG process to gain the respect of a child but every minute you do what needs to be done will teach her something she will grow into later. She is only 3 and therefore not really capable of free thinking in this matter. Not enough to come to the right conclusions that will change her behavior. I've read all the stupid parenting books and tried all the tricks and can tell you it is a waste of time. Kids do not behave "by the book" You just have to be creative and try everything you can come up wiht until you find something that works. Hope this helps.

Answer 3

That is a matter of personal preference. I have an almost-three-year-old myself. Usually I find that spanking is just ineffective. At 3, they are forming their opinions and bless their little hearts, they are not afraid to use them. When mine starts to act up and does something worthy of punishment, like attack another kid who he thinks is getting ready to take his toys, I find that deprivation works wonders. Before I go all Dad on him, I tell him WHY I am taking away the toy and when they'll get it back. Usually the next day. Be prepared for the snot and tears and the screaming. Depending on your parenting, you may stack a time-out for the crying in addition to having a toy taken away. Sooner or later, they will come to realize that their (mis)behavior has rewards as well as consequences. The key is CONSISTENCY. Whatever you do and how you do it, be consistent.

Answer 4

I had a freind that did this with her four year old and it worked very very well. Definitely more than spanking. Just remember to stick with it all the way. She probably won't realize you are serious until all she has is her bed and sheets. I actually saw this method recommended by Dr. Phil as well. It really is great that you are starting discipline at a young age. A lot of parents start too late and have to deal with an out of control child. Good job!

Answer 5

I don't think this really works until the age of 9 or so. Timeout when done right can get amazing results as long as you stick to your guns, with about 1 minute per year of age. Also positive behavior reinforcement will do wonders.

Also diet can do a lot for a childs behavior, you would be amazed.

Answer 6

As long as you stay consistant with it, she will understand that as long as she misbehaves, she will lose the things that she likes. If it means leaving her with nothing, you have to set rules and stick to them, the moment you give in to her,she will know you are not serious. Take all of the toys and put them up out of her sight, when she starts to behave, let her know that she will earn one toy back per week.Eventually she will get the point. If you ever get the chance, Nanny 911 sounds like a good show to give you pointers.

Answer 7

If the punishment is timely and consistent, then yes. Three years of age is old enough to understand cause and effect. If her bad behavior causes you to take her belongings away, she will soon get the message that her unpleasant behavior has unpleasant consquences. But you have to do it swiftly (immediately after the behavior occurs), or the correlation will be lost. And you have to be consistent. If you're not fully committed to this course of action (and you did express some doubt about it in your question), that will come through to your child.

Answer 8

She won't get it. Whatever that article on spanking said, I still swear to a sharp little slap on the arm or leg. Spanking, as in an over-the-knee, deliberate whallop to the rear, is too much for me to do. If he touches something once more after I've told him no, I smack his hand. If he does it again, I smack his hand again. And, magically, he stops doing it. My mom says, "I dare you to reason with a preschooler," because you can't. She will not understand that you are taking her things away for a particular reason and won't be able to think ahead far enough to realize, Oh, hey, if I do this...

Answer 9

Very extreme. "New guy in his mom's existence" -there is your answer. regrettably, some mothers placed their love/intercourse existence forward of their baby's superb hobbies. the baby has had rather some stressors in his existence those days: new homestead, no new buddies possibly, off meds for 4 weeks, new male parent in mom's existence. i'm looking with my 2 babies 7 and 9, that it is the age for speaking back. for sure, your grandson desires to be corrected for such habit, yet what the punishments are seem plenty too harsh and prolonged to in fantastic condition the "crime". a week's punishment for leaping on the mattress and speaking back is completely ridiculous and extremely recommend (shame on your daughter).

Answer 10

sounds like your problem is you need to pick a method and stick to it. Your daughter sees you as a puch over. I use time out, and sticker charts. These are good for showing positive bahavior. My girls are 4 and 5 and behave well. good luck though all kids are different.

free sticker charts:

http://www.latitudes.org/behavioral_charts.html