My cousing is dieing from cancer. She is only 24. I am an 8 year survior of the same kind of cancer. I feel so rotten that I beat it and she cant. She is in the ICU, and the doctors say her days are coming to and end, and I just feel terrible.
2006-10-02 14:11:40 · 19 answers · asked by Jester 5 in Health ➔ Diseases & Conditions ➔ Cancer
It is called survivor guilt. It is common for emotionally attached survivors of lost loved ones. Please work through the 5 stages of grief. Denial, anger, bargaining, sadness and acceptance. If you can't seem to get through it alone, reach out for family & friends for support. If that does not help you resolve the loss, get some counseling. Death is a stage of life. It is not the end but an extension. Do you have spirtual faith? Maybe this has made you in touch with your own mortality too. That is often what keeps people from resolving the grief process. Take agood healthy look at your belief system. Try to honor the life and not dwell on the death. You can find a way to celebrate her life and give purpose for your survival. Know that you are still here for a reason. You have purpose. Please find a successful and satisfying purpose while you are here. Love & prayers to you!
2006-10-02 14:17:49 · answer #1 · answered by Shayna 6 · 6⤊ 1⤋
First of all I'm sorry to hear about your cousin. I know there is something called survivor's guilt and it is perfectly normal and I believe it is a natural part of the healing process. What you have to realize is that all things happen for a reason. I'm not a "Bible thumper", in fact I don't even go to church that often, but it has really proven true in my life. God has a plan for you and a purpose for you to go on living. God also has a plan for your cousin and he is now calling her home. Maybe part of her purpose was to touch the lives of the ones around her to help eradicate this disease. I am a very active volunteer with the American Cancer Society and participate in Relay For Life. If you haven't already made contact with them I know it would absolutely help you. Their may be services or options they know about that you haven't come across. Many areas have support groups for family members. You can contact them at www.cancer.org to find the office closest to you or the services that might help you out. You can also call 800-ACS-2345. I have heard that some people call to just have someone to talk too. They are there 24/7, 365 days a year.
2006-10-02 15:41:32 · answer #2 · answered by RelayLover 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am in remission from cancer. I was told by the doctor that my cancer was terminal. Goes to show that they are human and don't know everything. :)
I have no real answer for you except that is is ok to feel guilty. It is also ok to express this feeling to your cousin if she is still able to know what you are saying. It might help both of you to talk about it, if that is possible. Also consider talking to others about it.
I have no idea why I am alive. I was ready to go and it didn't happen. I just move on one day at a time.
Just my humble opinion, and Good luck to you.
2006-10-02 14:27:26 · answer #3 · answered by Frank I am 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie, let me tell you something. I am a 33 year old survivor of another disease. I was born with it. During my childhood I saw countless other kids with the same thing I had and not ONE was as well off as me. I am SUPPOSED to be completely paralyzed fromt he neck down. 33 years later I am NOT and I DO live a completely normal life. No wheel chair, no crutches, nothing. Missing a few bones in my spine butotherwise perfectly fine. I have always wondered why I was so special as to be better off than them and why they had to suffer when I did not. I have always believed it to be unfair. I am so sorry you are losing someone so obviously important to you but I want you to know that SHE has something you do not. The extreme knowledge of how valuable life really is. Someone in her situation gets something out of living that others do not. The full capacity for understanding the value of what they have right that moment. Every moment is precious and special. Her life is a nightmare to be sure and I grieve for her deeply. All you can do is BE THERE for her and love her with all your might and pray forcefully that GOd will intervene on her behalf. The last thing that you can do for her is to not lessen the value of what ever time she has left by filling it with grief and sadness, even if you are hurting. Try to fill her moments with happy things. Memories, jokes, laughter, love. Remind her of the things she has to live for. If she does not survive then you will have given her something of much value. That is why YOU have recovered and she has not. You have to be well to be able to play this role for her. God bless you angel! May God answer your prayers. I will be praying for all of you also!
2006-10-02 14:26:27 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
life bites sometimes but it is all so random, ask survivors of anything that chooses one life over another (hurricane,flood,plane crash etc etc etc) and they will all relate to how you are feeling. The most important thing to remember is that life is short and very few of us get second chances. Take yours with both hands and live every minute of the miracle you have been given. My friend died two weeks ago dropping dead on the side of the road walking his dogs at 27, I asked why? Why him and not some horrible nasty person, or why not me? the answer is is you never know how long your life will be until it ends. Don't feel bad, feel life and honour you cousin every day by fulfilling your dreams and giving life your all.
2006-10-02 14:27:54 · answer #5 · answered by megiebee 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You do not have to feel guilty at all. That is life, someone lives, someone dies, you have to accept the Divine decision, and that is that you are alive. It is better that you try to help your cousin's relatives, give them support and help them, and pray for your cousin. Also thank God to be alive, and do something good with your life.Give an example to others with no hope, be a walking hope for others suffeing of Cancer.
2006-10-03 17:49:33 · answer #6 · answered by pelancha 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is natural to feel guilty. With grievance and sickness in loved ones, many emotions that seem irrational come to surface, when in reality they are not. Though you and your cousin's bodies are simular, they are not identical, so she may be having a harder time with the cancer than your body did. Your guilty is natural, just as death is. There comes a time at one point in life where it must end. Hopefully she just might turn around, depending on the situation. I am sorry to hear your situation, and I sympathize.
2006-10-02 14:21:28 · answer #7 · answered by Black R 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
God bless--don't feel guilty because you survive, rejoice. I am sorry for your cousin, but be there for through her last moments and tel her how much she means to you and how much you will miss her. Give her lots of hugs if you can, but don't feel guilty, you didn't do anything wrong, you just caught your cancer in time and was able to beat it. May u have a peace of mind
2006-10-02 14:19:05 · answer #8 · answered by sagie29 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
The feelings you are experiencing are normal. But, you should probably talk to a counselor just to sort it all out. You have been through so much and are a survivor.
I am so sorry you and your family are faced with such a tragedy. Have faith that some good will come of it.
2006-10-02 14:20:50 · answer #9 · answered by BluedogGirl 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You have my sympathy. Seeing what she's going through has to have awakened some very difficult memories for you. Sooner or later, we all have to die. Since it's the inevitable outcome for every living thing, we don't have to feel bad about death. This does not keep us from missing the deceased or feeling pain about their pain. It doesn't make it any easier to see someone die. And it doesn't make old memories less painful. But it does help us to accept the pain and move on.
2006-10-02 14:20:03 · answer #10 · answered by beast 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋