I'm 14 and I need to talk to my mom about something but don't know how to talk to her. I've never been able to talk to her about anything, I've tried to improve my relationship with her, but it just doesn't work. Here's the basics, I'm trying to rebuild a relationship with my father who I haven't seen in nearly a decade. I'm not mad at him, I've talked to him over the phone for the past few months, and the situation is complicated, but yeah. I asked him if I could see him sometime and he said that was all right with him. I told him I would talk to my mom to make sure it's okay. I don't know how to talk to her about this, but I really do need her permission to see him. What is history for her is, in a sense, a future for me. My father isn't a bad person, he is fine now, and he loves me and I'm sure of that. Please, any help is greatly appreciated.
2006-10-02 14:05:30 · 14 answers · asked by Kiara 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
He used to have gambling problems and went undiagnosed for bipolar- so he probably was very depressed at times and went into mania at others, but now he is on medication which seems to be working well.
2006-10-02 14:13:11 · update #1
Thank you for all of your answers thus so far..Just one more thing, I'm not sure how to get over my fear of talking to her. My fear isn't really that she'll say no, I know how to stand my own ground in a polite, respectful way, but just getting the nerve up to talk to her is hard for me. I've always had trouble with this.
2006-10-02 14:18:43 · update #2
I'm not going behind my mom's back. She knows I've been talking to him, believe me, I wouldn't do that.
2006-10-02 14:19:57 · update #3
To clarify things up a bit, there is nothing between them any more, nothing at all, they don't like or dislike each other, it's just neutral. I understand my mom has the right to put up a defense about this, and I understand she may have mixed feelings. I don't think they got divorced because she didn't love him anymore, it was becasue he was unable to take care of me, and she knew he wasn't a good father for me, and I love her deeply for that. But i still have a broken relationship with her. She has like 0 patience and I"m just so confused!
2006-10-02 14:23:17 · update #4
The only thing to do is ASK!! Talk to her just build up your courage and go for it she really love you and she wants what's best for you so she know your father more then you think so give her some credit and if she say no then have her to tell you why do she think he will harm you or what? You may be surprise she may think you don't want to see your father but she can't read your mind so just go for it ..say mom I want you to be open and honest with me and ask if you can go see your father and let her know he said it was fine with him but He wanted your approval first and tall in a calm voice don't seem upset and tell her to think about it (if she flat out say no) but I think you should give her a try she just might surprise you!! GOOd Luck !! Keep your head up!!
2006-10-02 14:17:55 · answer #1 · answered by classy chic 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is coming from someone who 1.) doesn't have the best relationship with her mother but wishes she did and 2.) doesn't have a father to wish she could know and have a relationship with.
I think you need to approach the topic gingerly, but be ready to stand some ground if your mom says no. Make sure she feels calm about the situation and be ready to invite her if it makes her feel more comfortable. If she does say no and stands her ground, maybe if your father is able to speak to her and let her know he wants to be a part of your life it will open her eyes. I also always found it easier to write to my mother than speak. She'd occasionally get a card on her pillow from me and she'd be waiting in the living room to talk and it was easier that way. Good luck!
2006-10-02 14:10:45 · answer #2 · answered by Mrs. D 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I used to have a real hard time talking to my mom or for that matter...anyone in authority. But, I was darn good at writing things down. So, I got to where I would write out all my feelings and such and put them in an envelope and leave it on the kitvchen table right beofre I left for school, or leave it on my teavhers desk at the end of the day. That way, they had a chance to read it while I was gone and some time to reflect on how they were going to answer before we again were together the next day or after school. Sometimes I would find a letter addressed to me laying on my bed, or on my desk the next day and sometimes, my mom would ask me to run to the sotre with her so we could talk privately, or the teacher would ask me to help carry some boxes to the office or help with cleaning blackboards or such.
Writing my feelings has always been easier for me...even today. I used it when my kids were growing up and they have passed on the tradition to their own kids.
Try it and see if that isn't easier.
I do agree with most of the other answers that you do deserve a chance with your dad.....my daughter actually "met" her dad when she was 21 and I had never said a bad word about him all her growing up years, and she had a "relationship" with him for about 3 months and soon learned he was not all that she had "dreamed" about all her life. But, it was her choice and now he is dead and she has no regrets.
2006-10-02 14:45:33 · answer #3 · answered by lildragonlexi 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't go behind your mom's back , first thing. Tell her everything
your doing....get her involved in your life. School work, friends, etc. She may not KNOW HOW to talk to you, it's not your fault.
Just make an effort, OK ? Now, as far as your father goes,...
most likely your mom has alot of mixed feelings about him being
in your life. Trust what she says. But take your time....and go
very slow....with getting to know your Dad, because you are really
starting over....So, if you can just sit down with your mom on the
couch in the living room ( nuetral territory ) and just explain how
you feel, and ask her how she feels about it, and come together
as a mother and daughter, come to some kind of agreement.
2006-10-02 14:17:55 · answer #4 · answered by CraZyCaT 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have a couple troubling questions. One is you say "he is fine now". I am not sure what to make of that. Was he abusive? Drug Addict or Alcoholic? Or what was he before he became fine now? Second, why can't you communicate with your Mom? Maybe since you have a strained relationship with your Mom and an estranged relationship with your father...family counseling is the answer. I am sure your parents would benefit from a closer relationship with you as much as you would with them.
2006-10-02 14:10:15 · answer #5 · answered by Shayna 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Just sit her down and tell her how you fell their relationship in the past don't have anything to do with you (unless he molested you or something of that nature then I would understand if she don't want you to see him) you are 14 you need your father in your life not having a father can sometimes destroy a child for life so just tell her how much it means to you for you to see him and to build a relationship with him
2006-10-02 14:09:39 · answer #6 · answered by tpchick22 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My suggestion to you is to talk to your mother like an adult and explain to her that whatever happened between them has nothing to do with you. Explain to her that you are trying to figure out certain things and you need to clarify who you are. You are made up of both of them and you need to know these things. I personally went through the same experience and was scared but one parent does not have the right to say you cannot talk to the other parent. You will know when it is all said and done.
2006-10-02 14:12:02 · answer #7 · answered by postal_marg 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Something like this is really a tough issue to handle. The only way to actually get anything accomplished is to be honest with her about your feelings and why you want to be with him and have a relationship with him. Everyone deserves to have a relationship with both of their parents and hopefully she doesn't try to stop you from doing so. Good luck!
2006-10-02 14:08:35 · answer #8 · answered by swtz69drmz 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
wait until you are 18 then you will be able to handle what ever the issue is between your dad and your mum, because now you might not be ready to be in the middle. at the mean time continue tslking on the phone and no contact till you will be able ask concreat questions about what goes on between the two.when you say he is fine now ,that means, he was not fine before, trust me you will do fine for now over the phone than going off to see him without your mums permition. if your dad cares about you, he should be the one making the effort not you trying to convince your mum to go and see him, my advise is wait a little more time but continue on the phone conversation, it will work out eventually
remember your mum should not feel betrayed by you now that might make her feel that you are not greatfull for all her effort towards you over this yrs
2006-10-02 14:19:25 · answer #9 · answered by chief 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Your mom maybe holding on to the past. As bad as he has been to her, he is still your father. Can you tell your mother that you love her and all that she has done for you and you would like to visit with your father and give him another chance in your life?
Good luck!
2006-10-02 14:09:11 · answer #10 · answered by ?? 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋