please help me...i recently interfered in my daughters life and caused her boyfriend to break-up with her....now before you judge me, in interferience was over catching her cheating on him.....was i right to do this, and how do i get my daughter to talk to me
2006-10-02 13:18:42 · 7 answers · asked by capt. troll 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
im sorry, for those of you who think i was in the wrong, my daughter is 15 and the other boy is 20
2006-10-02 14:11:42 · update #1
Ouch. Hopefully with a little time your daughter will come to realize that you are trying to raise her with some moral values. I would try to sit down with her and talk about why you interfered and what you believe is right MORALLY. She probably is thinking that she should be able to handle her (ahem) affairs any way that she sees fit but as a mom, I can understand your wanting her to make good choices for herself. Good luck!
2006-10-02 13:24:52 · answer #1 · answered by swtz69drmz 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm always amazed that people use the term "cheating on" when discussing people who are just dating. They weren't engaged or married, so there really was no commitment made that should have precluded seeing another guy. I understand that now days folks think you should only date one person at a time, but really I think that sets us up for more problems than it solves. Young people get way to serious way to early, and are trying to imitate adult relationships long before they are mentally capable of doing it. As unrealistic as I know the idea is, I think our young people would be better off if we didn't press them to pair off in exclusive relationships until they were closer to their early or mid 20's. It would give them a much wider circle of experience with the opposite sex, and a much better base to make the eventual one choice from.
I don't see an apology being out of order here, though it really ought to be done face to face. I think you should have talked with your daughter first, and not mentioned anything to the boy at all. It was after all, a matter between them. Since she was seeing another person, the breakup itself was likely inevitable and she just hadn't gotten up the nerve to do it on her own terms. Being the dumper is a lot better on your self esteem than being the dumpee, after all. Even if she did feel guilt over what she was doing, as long as she broke up the relationship first, she got to be the one to dictate terms. Being the dumpee, she now has to deal with the reality of being labeled unfaithful. Which is rather unfair, as no real promises were made- but that's how it goes anymore. It's easier to blame you for instigating it than it is to admit she was being dishonest in the first place.
You will probably have to corner your daughter when she is alone to talk to her and make your apology. If you can, perhaps you could take her out for a walk somewhere you talk in peace, neutral territory. Have a heart to heart talk, and explain why you did what you did. Don't try to make excuses, but do give her the explainations. I also recommend you promise to keep out of things in future, except to discuss concerns involving her with her alone. If you recognize she is becoming an adult, and treat her with the respect an adult deserves, she will act more like one than you think.
2006-10-02 20:58:50 · answer #2 · answered by The mom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As a parent you always want what's best for your children. In this
particular situation I think you should apologize first, then explain
why you felt it was in her best interest to interfere. Your daughter
may feel as though you betrayed her trust. You didn't mention
how old your daughter is. Hopefully in time she'll understand why
you did what you did. I'm sure you love your daughter very
much and she needs to hear that more than anything.
I hope this helps.
2006-10-02 20:45:02 · answer #3 · answered by mikberw 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yikes... kids gotta be kids! best thing you can do is apoligize to your daughter for interfearing..... let her know what she was doing wasnt very respectful or nice.. but shes gotta live her own life, make her own mistakes, and learn her own lesson.. give her time! if she didnt want her boyfriend to break up with her, she shouldnt have cheated on him!!!
2006-10-02 20:26:45 · answer #4 · answered by im just me.. 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Write her a note or email.Tell her that you don't know why you did what you did,and that you should have asked first.Then say that you Will try to respect her and her choice,but that you can't do it without her help.You cant do what she wants you to if you don't know what she wants!
GL!
2006-10-02 20:37:32 · answer #5 · answered by Myaloo 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
omg -- you raised a loose woman? women are crazy -- don't try to use logic. maybe find her another stupid boyfriend and stay out of their way this time.
2006-10-02 20:27:07 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why is she mad? She was the one out fooling around.
2006-10-02 20:26:16 · answer #7 · answered by waxingtheturtle 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋