How many visitations before a child should be left with someone new?

Question

My son has just found out that he is the father of a child, he went to court the mother and the father agreed on joint custody with which that was to start on Oct 1, there was a month or so for the mother to arrange visits to get the child use to the father and his family, she cooperated for the first week with 1 hour to 2 hours per day everyday, then we tried 3 times calling to set up more time and she was too busy so we told her to call us we hated to bother her for her to call at her convenience, she did not call us, then we called and told her that we wanted him to come on the day that joint custody started for his birthday and wanted him to stay by himself and we would call them if he got too upset but they showed up and said that he is too young to leave him and they was going back to court for supevised visits because he is too young. What do you think? He is 1 year old. Court papers says joint custody. Also my son tried several times during the year for her to do a DNA.

he is the father, a dna was done, it was not the mother that showed up and told us that we could not keep him for the day it was the grandmother of the baby, the mother did not bring him, the other grandmother is the problem, the mother and father had it worked out, It is my home that they have been meeting at since my son has a new wife, we thought it would be more comfortable for everyone to visit at my home, I am the grandmother of the child that is trying to help everyone stay calm and do what is best for the child. My question was how much time in hours or days is enough time to get to know the child, people drop their children off at day cares in unfamiliar surroundings and we wanted him to feel more comfortable with us but they seem to think it could take years.

Answer 1

A one year old does not need a huge amount of time to get adjusted to someone new. It shouldn't take more than a few frequent hour long visits for the child to become comfortable around you and your son. Any additional getting adjusted time at this age is realy unnecessary. People leave their kids at new daycare and sitters all the time with less than an hour "get to know you time." Even if kids cry at first, most are over it within 5 minutes and are happy whereever they are.
If you haven't already done so, make sure the court documents specify what days your son can see the child. Every other weekend, every other holiday and six weeks in the summer seems to be pretty standard, but other arrangements can be made if both parent are willing. Once the court has drawn out the visitation, the mother will be in contempt of court for not allowing the visitation to take place.

Answer 2

First of all your son needs to get a DNA test, he doesn't even know if this is his biological son?? Second, I don't know what state you are in, these things seem to vary a lot from state to state. Does he have joint PHYSICAL custody or joint LEGAL custody or both?

What does it say under visitation? Usually they are quite specific. One year old is young, it's true, but that's also an advantage in that he won't remember a time that he didn't know his father and kids that young are way too young to be manipulated against the other parents.

In California they usually don't do supervised visits unless the father is abusive or a drug addict - and sometimes not even then! Other states will restrict dad's visits just on the mom's word it seems. But even with supervised visits, you can designate someone to be the supervisor - this person can be you, or the mom's parents or a friend everyone trusts. Get the DNA test, then see a court mediator to set up a parenting plan for the child. Kudos to your son for wanting to see his son.

Answer 3

If your son is the father, then he has rights. Please speak to a family law attorney concerning these matters. It is against the law to withhold visitation for any reason at all. It isn't up to the mother to decide when and where or what is appropriate. That is up to the law. It is never too early for a child to start getting to know the other parent and family. I think that she is possibly having issues of not wanting her child to be away from her. This is something that she is going to have to deal with sooner or later and learn that the parenting is going to be shared no matter what. Also, in most states, if a custodial parent denies the other parent visitation, it is grounds for a change of custody. Good luck!!

Answer 4

depending on where you live, I live in Utah. The laws here state that the mother does not have to let the father take the baby olone until the age of five. My hubby has a baby with another girl(we split up for a year) and she will not leave the baby with us either. It is really messed up, but whatever the state thinks is in the best interest. I would suggest that you call and bother her until you get your visitation. Visiting with that baby is very important. Make her agree to give you a day and time. Tell her it is in your custody rights and will have to talk to a lawyer if she does not give you your visitation. Good luck and I hope that you do not give up.

Answer 5

I cannot express strongly enough that he MUST get a DNA test!!!!if he is not the bio father and signs paper that says he is before DNA testing then he is stuck paying for someone else's kid for the next 18 years!!!!
the court lays out what the specifics are for visitation and custody for each parent of the child. if she won't comply take the court order to the police and ask for assistance in getting her to comply with the court order. just because she wants to go back to court for a new ruling DOES NOT invalidate the current court order. GET A LAWYER

Answer 6

Have a court ordered paternity test for one. Document every time she does not let the child see you son. This includes phone calls. She is avoiding your son and she had to prove that your son is not capable of being responsible. If she does not cooperate she can be in violation. Get visitation times through the court. Make sure he takes every opportunity to contact his son so she can never say that "Dad doesn't care"

Answer 7

As the father, he has every right to see his child. If you need to, go to the police station and let them know you have papers (take them with you) to see your child. The mother is not cooperating in allowing you to see him (state the reasons, too busy, etc.) This next thing can not be stressed enough.... KEEP RECORDS OF EVERYTHING. If she is getting child support, he has the right to get the DNA test and she HAS to comply. Also, if she is getting public aid, they will request DNA... if they haven't, he needs to call the agency and let them know he wants the DNA test... they will do it for nothing (in most states). 1-2 hours is not enough to be a father and she could use that against him.... you are doing everything right... but you need to PUSH to get things done. If things do not get better, he can apply for sole custody or joint in your possession. I commend him for stepping up to the plate...keep your chin up.

Answer 8

First off, and I am sorry if this is harsh but I am biased in this situation, you need to stay out of this situation!! My ex-mother in law involved herself in every aspect of mine and my ex's custody hearing and it has made me hate her to this day. Not good considering that she is my sons grandma. BUTT OUT! For the mothers sake, the babies sake, and your own sake. It is your sons child, not yours. By the way that you worded this question, "WE tried, WE told her to call US, she did not call US, WE called and told her that WE wanted him to come, We would call if he got too upset". You are making this about you. It is not about you. Your son and that woman had that baby. You were not involved in the process at all, so you don't need to be involved in the visitation/custody process.

That said, I also did the same thing that this woman did, though a little different. I left my ex-husband when I was 4 weeks along, They knew about the baby, but had no contact with me during the pregnancy. I requested to the judge that he not be allowed to have visitation unsupervised for at least one year after he started seeing my son. I got exactly what I asked for. I felt it was in my sons best interest. I am sure that she feels the same way. Don't you remember being a young, overprotective mother? Most mothers are, and I am sure you are no different.

For everyones sake, stay out of it and let the PARENTS of that baby handle it. If they didn't need you to help them create him, they don't need you to step into the situation now.

I mean no offense, but I have been where this babies mother is, and you have no idea how it makes you feel to have a meddling grandmother butting in, like they are just one of the kids parents.