The gf and I are at a weird point in the relationship. We have dated for about 5 mos now and it's either got to go to the next level or end. The situation exists, as I see it b/c the closer she gets to me, the more scared she is and more closed up she gets. She keeps alluding to an ugly past but won't tell me **** about it and that frustrates me ridiculously. It's like she wants me to dig just so she can bury herself deeper. Anyways, Friday we decided to spend this weekend alone and talk about things tonight after work (and she calls me Sat afternoon and we talk for about 20 minutes???). I know I am not perfect but she won't confront me about her issues with me, either. I need her to talk and talk a lot. People keep telling me to be patient, but my patience is running out. Any things I can say so she KNOWS how serious I am that I just want to know her better and I will NEVER judge her? I am frustrated enough that I am afraid of the bluntness that may come across from me.
2006-10-02 13:02:20 · 9 answers · asked by randyken 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
It sounds like you care a great deal about her. I would like to make a suggestion: tell her how much you care about her, that you know you are not perfect, but that you think the only way you can be with her if you both can honestly talk about all issues, including what's bothering her about you. This way she knows that you care and that you want to talk about things.
When you start the conversation with her, emphasize that you want to know what bothers her and make a point of not interrupting her for no reason, until she is finished. If you do not understand what she is trying to tell you, ask what she tells you back as a question(i.e."are you trying to tell me....?") Ask her to listen you out when your turn comes. Avoid accusations etc. Try to be factual and then explain how that makes you feel and allow her the same thing. It is important that you both get that chance. There is always the possibility though, that something happened to her in her past which she does not feel comfortable talking about, and then you have to respect that. The only time this would be of relevance if it would help you to understand her better.
If you are not sure on how to invite her to this talk, or if you would like to do that in a neutral setting: I used to go out for dinner with my husband when something was going on, because in a restaurant you keep your composure(won't end up screaming, yelling, etc), so that might be a good idea as well....Good Luck
2006-10-02 13:16:26 · answer #1 · answered by MARIANNE G 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey buddy,
Sounds like she's got something shady in her past that either she did or someone else did. It could be anything from being sexually abused to something like a porn addiction. This might be extreme, but it's possible, and it sounds like she's a little extreme. If you love her or think you might, hang in there and be gentle. Trust me, I'm a girl, I know this: If you get really rough with her or raise your voice or whatever it is that makes her think you're upset with her, she'll only freeze up more. Be gentle and (if you love her) tell her you love her and you're there for her and you won't judge her. It may take her a little time but I believe you can thaw out her frozen-ness (just made that a word). Good luck, buddy! Hope everything works out!
2006-10-02 20:10:03 · answer #2 · answered by chocolatelovergirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Communication is the most important part of a relationship. If its going to go anywhere she has to learn to communicate with you. You seem like you've been more than patient with her. You need to tell her that you feel you are growing apart from her because she doesn't trust you enough to open up to you. Let her know she can trust you. If she still can't your relationship may be doomed.
2006-10-02 20:20:53 · answer #3 · answered by grudgrime 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well this is a tuff question. its mostly a matter of opinion. i feel as if you should be straight forward with her, without being mean or rude. just sit her down and talk to her in a serious tone telling her that you DO really care about her and you want to be more involved with her life. and tell her you wont judge her no matter what, cause thats probably what shes scared of. ive had a rough past that i dont tell anyone about because they do judge me so i know how she feels. you do have to give it time, but you also have to continueously tell her that your there for her and wont judge her. she just doesnt want to open up to you to have you break up with her because of it. good luck man and be as patient as you can, it will pay off.
2006-10-02 20:07:27 · answer #4 · answered by stoned 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You stated she didn't confront you about your feelings? Why should she? Your the one wanting to help her. Your the one wanting her to open up. Ask her to speak about her past and if she needs counseling, go with her. If she won't talk, walk away, as painful as it is. Take care of yourself, you are young!
2006-10-02 20:09:12 · answer #5 · answered by Kitty L 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you could just tell her how you feel but if you scared to tell her to her face you should write her and it will give you time cuz she will call then you can explain the letter more you know
2006-10-02 20:08:33 · answer #6 · answered by glo_gbaby 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i htink you should tell her that you wanna talk . tell her you really care about her and you just wanna know what is wrong andthat you wanna help!
2006-10-02 20:18:07 · answer #7 · answered by becky13 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to her.
2006-10-02 20:33:49 · answer #8 · answered by JesusFreak 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
a lot of people might not agree..but a couple of 6 packs can work wonders...
2006-10-02 20:07:01 · answer #9 · answered by MC 7 · 0⤊ 3⤋