A blonde goes horse back riding. It starts out slow, but then it starts to gallop. The blonde is enjoying herself. All of a sudden she slips off and her foot gets caught in the reins. The horse doesn't stop and the blonde is still being dragged upside down. She doesn't know what to do. Finally the Wal-Mart manager comes and unplugs it.
2006-10-02 12:15:58 · 10 answers · asked by bugguy 2 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
Honestly! We blondes aren't THAT dumb. Really.
2006-10-02 12:19:33 · answer #1 · answered by Goldylocks 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The poor woman. Is she retarded? I hope she has a home health aide or something so this doesn't happen again.
Wal-mart could have been sued as well- they should be more careful.
2006-10-02 12:24:55 · answer #2 · answered by Schmeep 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i heard it allready but it is still funny
2006-10-02 12:23:33 · answer #3 · answered by im lost come and find me 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
lol.. that's funny.. I jsut had to tell my co-worker...
♦
2006-10-02 12:37:28 · answer #4 · answered by 1 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah, AALLLL blondes are dumb
2006-10-02 12:20:41 · answer #5 · answered by bunkbed10 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Hyuk, hyuk, hyuk!
2006-10-02 12:17:47 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are so ****ing funny mann!!
not.
2006-10-02 12:21:55 · answer #7 · answered by coca_cola_froggy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
thats hilarious!!!!!
2006-10-02 12:53:50 · answer #8 · answered by rockin2myownbeat 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
LOL. LOL.
2006-10-03 14:01:32 · answer #9 · answered by jfmm 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
nice but i got better
are yall ready for this
Q: Why did the blonde have to drink a hot pepsi?
A: Because she couldn't fit any ice into the bottle.
Submitted by Sweet Thang.
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Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger. They tried and tried to get the door open, but they couldn't. The girl with the coat hanger stopped for a moment to catch her breath, and her friend said anxiously, "Hurry up! It's starting to rain and the top is down."
Did you hear about the blonde who hijacked a submarine?She demanded $200,000 and a parachute.
"I wish I can become really smart and find a way off this island". POOF! The redhead immediatly build a boat out of twigs and vines and sailed off the island. The brunette then approached the genie and said "I wish to be even smarter than the redhead and find a way off the island". POOF! She started to collect rocks and seashells and made a airplane and flew right off the island. Now very excited, the blonde said to the genie "I want to be even smarter than those two and find a way off this island. POOF! The blonde turned into a man and walked across the bridge.
What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios? "Oh look, donut seeds."
A Blonde who got a fishing rod for her birthday and decided to go ice fishing. So early the next morning she got all her gear and headed out. When she reached her destination she cut a hole in the ice and dipped the rod in. Then suddenly she heard a voice that said:"there's no fish in there". So she moves to another spot and cuts another hole, then the same voice spoke again and told her there were no fish there. So she moves again and the voice tells her there are no fish there. So she looks up and see's a man looking down at her. "How do you know there are no fish there?" So the man cooly says "Well first of all this is a hockey rink and you're going to have to pay for those holes.
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys could get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you."
A blonde was woken up in the middle of the night to find her house alight. So she went straight to the phone and called 911. When they asked how do you we get to your house, she said "Duh...in the big red truck!"
Why do blonde woman use electric lawnmower's? So they can use the cord to find ther way back!!!!!
Submitted by king of the world.
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How do you regonize a blonde in school?
They are the only ones who erase their notebook when the teacher erases the board.
Submitted by Blonds R Smart
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The blonde couldn't call 911 because she couldn't find the 11 button on the phone.
The blonde couldn't work at the pharmaceutical company because she couldn't fit the bottles in the typewriter.
The blonde got burnt bobbing for french fries.
The blonde couldn't go water skiing because she couldn't find a lake with a slope on it.
The blonde thought the capital of California was "C".
The blonde returned a scarf because she thought it was too tight.
The blonde tore off the side of her house that had a fireplace, and blew up her neighbors house because her gas fireplace wouldn't work.
The blonde asked for illegal drugs at the salvation army,the state prison, and at the hospital.
The blonde asked for directions to her neighbors house.
The blonde robbed a blind pauper because he looked like Bill Gates.
The blonde thought that Mardi Gras was a French wine.
The blonde went to Italy to see if she could buy the "lovely boot" she saw on the map.
Submitted by Kevin Jones
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WHAT DO U CALL A BLONDE SKELETON IN A CLOSET?
LAST YEARS HIDE AND GO SEEK WINNER.
Submitted by Jon
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How do you sink a submarine full of blondes ?
Knock on the hatch
Submitted by Mike
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One night we were having church when the lights went out. We were all looking around trying to find the problem when my Blond Aunt Debbie ran outside. In just a few short minutes she came running back inside the church and as serious as she could be, said, "Hey you guys my lights are working in my car.
Submitted by Boo Meade
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Why do blondes like convertibles
More leg room
Submitted by Mike
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There was a red head, brunette, and a blonde driving in a convertible car. They were driving to fast and flew over a gaurd rail and they landed in a river. The red head and the brunette float up to the surface. Why didn't the blonde?
-Her door was locked!
Submitted by Mike
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There was a burnette sitting in the middle of the road singing 53 53 53 53. A blond comes out to where the burnette was and said, what are you doing? The burnette motioned her to sit down. The blonde did and started to sing with the burnette, 53 53 53 53. The burnette got up when the blonde was to caught up in singing and moved to the side of the road. A semi came speeding down the highway and the blonde was ran over. The burnette came back out, moved the dead blonde into the ditch. She sat down, and started to sing, 54 54 54 54.
Submitted by Natural Blonde 69
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There is a blonde who goes into a store and says "excuse me sir,can i buy that television?"The guy says "no,i don't sell anything to blondes." So the blonde goes home colours her hair red and goes back to the store. She says,"excuse me sir, can I buy that television?" He says,"i don't sell anything to blondes." So the blonde goes home,colours her hair pitch black and goes back. She says,"excuse me sir, can I buy that television?" He says," No I don't sell anything to blondes." She says,"how do u know i'm a blonde?" He says, "only a blonde would think a microwave is a T.V"
Submitted by Joke Queen
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There was a man outside mowing his lawn. He lived next store to a blonde who had just gotten a computer. She went out to her mailbox to check the mail and went back in after she had done that 10 times the guy asked her why she kept coming back out side and she said my computer keeps telling me I have mail.
Submitted by Seh55z
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A blonde, a red head, and a brunette were having a breast stroke swimming contest to see who the better swimmer was. It was a 5 mile race.
At the finish, the red head came first, then the brunette, and finally, after two hours of waiting, the blonde arrived. The red head and the brunette asked what had taken her so long. She replied, "Well, I don't want to be picky or anything, but, I think you two were using you're hands!"
Submitted by Sam-the-Man
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One day a blonde decided to go ice fishing. So she packed up all her gear and headed for the nearest pond she could find. When she got there she started to cut a hole in the ice. Suddenly she heard a booming voice."There are no fish under the ice."
Suprised she turned around and saw no one. So she went back to cutting the hole. The booming voice popped in again,"There are no fish under the ice!"
Again she turned around and saw no one. So she asked "Is that god?"
The booming voice said,"No this is the Ice Rink Manager."
Submitted by Courtney
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A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out.Her boss concerned about all his employees well being asked sympathetically,"What's the matter?" To which she replies..."Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away." The boss feeling very sorry at this point explains to the young girl,"Why don't you go home for the day...we aren't terribly busy just take the day off to relax and rest."The blonde very calmly states..."No..I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here." The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual..."If you need anything just let me know." Well...a few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde...he looks out over his office and sees the blonde hysterically crying!!! He rushes out to her asking,"What's so bad now... are you gonna be okay?? "No..." exclaims the blonde,"I just received a call from my sister and she said that her mother died too!!"
Submitted by Ariele
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A blonde dyed her hair to the color of a burnette because she wanted to seem smarter. One day she was driving down the road and saw a farmer. She said to him "if i can guess how man sheep you have can I have one?" He agreed. She guessed 150 and the farmer counted the sheep and she was right. As she was loading the sheep into the trunk the farmer said "if I can guess your real hair color can I have my dog back?"
Submitted by Cutiepie
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How to keep a dumb blonde occupied:
Scroll down:
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Scroll Up
Submitted by Smartie
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A blonde a redhead and a brunette are on a burning building and the firefighters are below them with a net they yell to the brunette "JUMP JUMP!" so she jumps. at the last minute the firefighters move out of the way and the brunette hits the ground and dies.
Then the firefighters yell to the redhead "JUMP JUMP" She yells back down "I SAW WHAT YOU DID TO MY FRIEND HOW CAN I TRUST YOU?" They yell back "TRUST US" so she jumps and the firefighters do the same thing.
Then the firefighters yell to the blonde, "JUMP JUMP" so she yells back "I SAW WHAT YOU DID TO MY FRIENDS SO I WANT YOU TO PUT THE NET DOWN ON THE GROUND AND BACK AWAY"
Submitted by Brunette
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A blonde decided to commit suicide by hanging herself from a tree in the park. A few days later, a man was walking his dog and spotted her hanging from the tree. He asked the blonde what she was doing and she replied,"I'm hanging myself."Your supposed to put the noose around your neck not your waist." said the onlooker. "I already tried that," replied the blonde "but I couldn't breathe"
Submitted by Shannah
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What does the blonde say when she walks up to the YMCA?
" Look they spelt MACYS wrong "
Submitted by Kristin from NY
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I had decided to go shopping to get a gift for my wife. We were going to be taking a trip, and I knew that she would need a new swim suit. I had been to several stores, but could not find one that I knew she would wear. My wife is very modest. As I was headed home disappointed in not finding what I had been shopping for, I noticed a women's clothing store and decided to give it one last try. As I entered the store I was met by a very attractive blonde sales clerk. "Can I help you find anything special today sir?" I replied, "Maybe you can. I'm looking for a swim suit for my wife. I know that she would prefer a one piece suit if you have them." The clerk looked a little puzzled....."Do you think that she would prefer the top or the bottom?"
Submitted by Andrew
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This blonde was walking by a horse and decided to get it a try. So she hops on the horse and it starts going, she cant stop it she trys and trys. She grabs the mane but that only makes her fall to the ground. Just when shes about to have a concusion from hitting her head on the ground Billy the walmart greeting guy comes and unplugs the horse.
Submitted by ~divine~
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One day a blonde was walking down the street. When a police officer stoped her and said miss did you realize that your blouse is open and your cleavage is hanging out. She replied oh my god I left the baby on the bus.
Submitted by Born a Blonde
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What do you call ablonde behind a steering wheel.
Air bag.
Submitted by AI
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A blonde and a redhead are walking down the street when the redhead says awww look at that dog with one eye so the blonde cover her left eye and looks.
Submitted by Drummerchick
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What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
Run!!
She's got a hand grenade in her mouth.
Submitted by Player
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There was a cow and it was fat and the blond goes oh no your fat you better get skinny. So the blond gets the milk pump and gets all the milk out then she fills the machine up with 1 percent then puts the machine in reverse and said to the cow now you won't be fat anymore.
Submitted by matdavbik4everhe11ya.
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Q. How do you know a blonde has been using a dishwasher?
A.It's cloged up with paperplates.
Q.How many blondes does it take to change a light bulb?
A. 3 1 to find bulb 1 to find a ladder &1 to find a man.
Submitted by better than every 1 else.
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There is a blonde driving a car, she swerves to the left then right, then left. Then a police officers pulls her over and asks what she is doing, and she says"I swerved to the left cause there was a tree on the right, then swerved to the right cause there was another tree so i swerved to the left" The polce man says" Lady that's your air freshener.
Submitted by Natural Blond.
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There were three woman at an American college eating lunch. There was a Russian, American, and a Blonde. They were all bragging about their countries.
The Russian said," We were the first in space."
The American said," We were the first on the moon."
The Blonde said," Well, we will be the first on the sun."
The Russian said," You cannot do that or you will burn up!"
"Duh! We'll go at night." the Blonde replied.
Submitted by Dirty Blond.
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A blonde recieved an assignment from her special ed. science teacher. The assignment was what will happen after you pull all of the legs off of a grasshopper. So the blonde says jump grasshopper jump. And the grasshopper jumped. So she pulled off one leg and said jump grasshopper jump. And the grasshopper jumped. So she does this until she got down to the last leg. So she pulled it off. Then she said jump grasshopper jump. And the grasshopper didn't jump. so she wrote down on her piece of paper.
"They lose their hearing"
Submitted by Aaron A.
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There were two blondes going hunting. It was getting late so one of the blondes said to the other that she heard if you ever get lost in the woods to shoot three shots into the air. So she did. A few hours went by and so she fired three more shots in the air. Afew more hours went by and they fired three more shots in the air. Then ont of the blondes said someone better hurry up and save us...we only have two more arrows left.
Submitted by Aaron A.
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A a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde walked into a room which contained a mirror inside. If you talked to the mirror and told a lie, it would suck you up. If you told the truth, it would give you a wish.
The brunette went first. She said, "I think I'm the prettiest girl in the world." And the mirror sucked her up.
Then the redhead went. She said, "I think I'm the prettiest girl in the world." And the mirror sucked her up.
So then the blonde went. She said, "I think-" And the mirror sucked her up.
Submitted by The Only Smart Blond.
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There was a blonde that was sick of people making fun of her. So she decided to prove to all people that blondes are not as dumb as what they think they are.
She studied all the capitals of the states ALL night long. She didn't even rest one bit. The next day, she spotted a couple a guys sitting down and walked up to them and she said," I bet you I can name all the capitals of the states," and he said, "OK", "What is the capital of California?"
She replied, " that's easy "C".
Submitted by angie.
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A redhead a brunett and a blonde were in a car going to the park when a traffic cop pulls them over they begin to beg and cry for the officer to let them go finally He agrees if they each on can each one answer one simple qestion they agree so He ask the redhead what kind of sound does a dog make she thinks a minute and says bow wow bow wow so the cop says ok thats one down two to go so He ask the brunett how does a cat go after a cople of seconds shd replies meow meow the cop says ok one more so He looks and sees that the last lady is a blonde so He decieds to ask Her a simple question whats one plus one the blonde thinks for a couple of minutes and says two the surprise officer says ok Your free to go after a few minutes of being back on the road the redhead says I sure am glad I knew something about dogs the brunett says yea I'm sure glad I knew someting about cats the blonde say I'm just glad I had My caculator....
Submitted by Tracy.
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A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are trapped on an island. While walking along the beach one day they spot a lamp in the sand. They pick it up and rub and out pops a genie. He says,"I'll grant you each one wish. What is yours?" he asks the brunette.
"I'm sick of this island - I wish to go home," she answers. Poof! She disappears.
The genie then turns to the redhead. "What is your wish he asks?"
"I'm also sick of this island, so I wish to go home, too," she replies. Poof! She disappears.
Finally, the genie asks the blonde,"What is your wish?"
She answers,"Well, I'm very lonely now. I really wish my friends were still here..."
Submitted by The 14 year-old Blond Joke Queen.
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There where these 3 blonde women that wanted to be policemen. So the blondes go into the police station for the job but first they have to pass a test. The first blonde goes in and the man asks her what she can tell about the suspect in the photo. (Note:The photo of the suspect is from the side.) So the blonde says "well he must be half blind since he only has one eye". The guy says no and that it is a side photo. So the next blonde comes in and says "well he must be hard of hearing because he only has 1 ear" The man says " no!!!, it is a side photo!!!!" So its the last blondes turn and she goes in there and looks at the photo. She says, "well, I believe that the suspect wears contacts. So the guy says, "well, I'm going to have to check on that". So he comes back and says "wow, how did you know the suspect wore contacts?" And the blonde replies, "well, it sure would be hard to buy glasses if you only have 1 eye and 1 ear"!
Submitted by Zakman.
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A man hires a blonde to paint stripes down a road, but she has to keep the contract and do at least four miles each day. The first day, the blonde does 8 miles. The boss is extremely impressed. The second day the blonde does 4 miles. The boss is somewhat impressed, but not as much as before. The third day, the blonde does two miles. The boss thinks she is just having a bad day, so he still lets her keep the job. The fourth day, the blonde only does 1 mile. The boss asks, "You were doing so well before. Why aren't you doing well now?!" The blonde replies, "I can't get far because each day I'm getting further and further away from the bucket."
Submitted by apollyon.
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This blonde called her boyfriend and when he answered she started to pout and cry. "Josh, I've been working on this dam puzzle for two days and one night, come over and help me." "Here try it for one more day and call me tomorrow." he says. The next day she calls again and he replies... "Try it one more time alright?" next day... "Come on just try it one more time and then I'll come." The next day comes, Josh finally arrives at his g-friend's house. When she takes him to her kitchen he replies... "Put your stupid corn-flakes away and go back to bed!"
Submitted by Kim-the blonde.
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How do you confuse a blonde?
Blue.
Submitted by Liz.
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How many blonde jokes are there?
One—the rest are all true!
Submitted by Keith.
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What's the difference between a blonde and a bottle of beer?
The beer won't get jealous when you have another!
Submitted by McDJG.
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What do you call a blonde with 90% of her intelligence gone?
Divorced.
Submitted by Izzo_Girl.
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A young blonde executive was leaving the office one evening when she noticed the CEO standing in front of the shredder with a piece of paper in his hand. "Listen," said the CEO, "this is important, and my assistant has left for the day. Can you make this thing work?" "Certainly," she replies, flattered that the CEO had askedher for help. She turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the START button. "Excellent!" replied the CEO, "I'll need two copies."
Submitted by One Fine Piece of Ace.
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A blonde by the name of Julie was getting pretty desperate for money. So she decided to go to the richer part of town and try to get a job as a handywoman. She rang the doorbell at the first house she came to, and a man answered the door. She asked if there were any odd jobs she could do, and he replied, "Well, actually, we need the porch painted—how much do you want?" Julie said she felt $50 was fair. He replied, "OK, the ladders, paint, and other tools you need are in the garage." When the man closed the door, his wife, who had overheard the conversation asked him, "$50?!? Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She must have, she was standing right on it." About 45 minutes later, the doorbell rings again, and the man is surprised to find Julie there. She tells him that she's done, and states that she even had enough paint to do two coats. As the man is reaching into his wallet to pay her, Julie says, "Oh, and by the way, that isn't a Porsche—it's a Ferrari."
Submitted by Skinnyminnie44
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A blonde gets in an elevator and sees a man standing there. She tells him, "TGIF, sir," to which he replies, "S-H-I-T, ma'am." Surprised, she replies, "Excuse me, I was just trying to be nice — T stands for 'Thank,' G stands for 'goodness,' I stands for 'it's,' and F stands for 'Friday.' The man replies, "S stands for 'Sorry,' H stands for 'honey,' I stands for 'it's,' and T stands for 'Thursday.'
Submitted by Pit Bull
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One day, a blonde, brunette, and redhead were walking along a beach. Suddenly, a bird flies over and craps on the redhead. The blonde tells the brunette, "Quick, go get some toilet paper!" The brunette replies, "By the time I get back, the bird will be gone!"
Submitted by MiSs ThAng
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A blonde goes to Florida for some alligator boots. No matter which store she goes to, she can't find the boots. A few days later a manager of one of the stores is driving home at night and sees the blonde knee-deep in a swamp. All around her, alligators are lying belly-up. The manager stops and watches the blonde. Suddenly, the blonde grabs an alligator, wrestles it, and turns it over. She looks at its feet and says, "Damn! This one isn't wearing boots either!"
Submitted by Mistress Diablo
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What's the difference between a rooster and a blonde?
The rooster says "****-a-doodle-doo!", and the blonde says, "Any ****'ll do!"
Submitted by Amy
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Why don't blondes know how to write the number "11"?
They don't know which "1" comes first!
Submitted by Kristi
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Why did the blonde stop using the pill?
It kept falling out!
Submitted by Tyler
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Farmer John was a sheep farmer. He raised sheep all over his property. One day, a beautiful young brunette came up and asked him, "Farmer John, if I can tell exactly how many sheep you have in your fields, can I have a lamb to take home and raise myself?" Farmer John agreed, knowing wholeheartedly that he had way too many to guess accurately. The beautiful, young brunette told him that he had 376 sheep in his field. Farmer John was beside himself. Being a man of his word, he told her to go and pick out the one she wanted and bring it back to him so he could untag the ear. For about an hour the brunette was out in the field. Finally she returned with her choice. Farmer John looked and her and asked, "Now, can I ask you a question?" The brunette complied. Farmer John asked, "If I can tell you what color your hair was before you dyed it, can I please have my dog back?"
Submitted by Bubba the Love Sponge
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Q:How does a blond kill a fish?
A:She drowns it
Q:how does a blond kill a bird?
A:she throws it off a cliff
Submitted by pingu
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There was a blond, a brunette, and a redhead riding in a car, and they ran a stop sign and a cop started chasing them. So they got a little farther ahead and saw three burlap bags lying in the ditch. They stopped the car and each of them got into one of the bags. Now, the cop caught up with them and saw the empty car and the three bags. So he went up to the bag with the brunette in it and kicked it. The brunette said "meow, meow", and the cop said, "oh, there's a kitty in this bag. And he kicked the one with the redhead in it and she said, "arf, arf", and the cop said aw, there's a puppy in this bag. Finally, he went up to the bag with the blond in it and kicked it and she said, "potato"
Submitted by Jenni
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A Blonde girl goes to work one day crying because she found out her mom had just died. Her boss asks her 'What's wrong?? Why are you crying??'. She replies 'I just found out that my mom passed away'. The Boss decides to let her have the day off but she insists on working so that she can keep her mind off her mom. A few hours later her boss decides to check on her and he goes in to her office and see's her crying histerically. He asks again 'Why are you crying??' she says 'My sister called saying that her mom died too'.
Submitted by AV
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This brunette walked into this shoe store for blondes and she noticed that TGIF was on all the shoes, she walked up to the sales clerk and said Gee, blondes must really like Fridays! The clerk said why do you say that? The brunette said because TGIF is on all the shoes! The clerk said Nope that stands for TOES GO IN FIRST!!!
Submitted by Evelyn K.
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A painting cotracter was speaking to a woman about a job. She sad she wanted the first room a pale blue. He wrote it down, went to the window opened it and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP." They walked into the second room and she said she wanted it a soft yellow color. He wrote that down, went to the window opened it and yelled, "GREEN SIDE UP." The woman was curious but didn't say anything. They walked into the third room and she said she wanted a warm rose color. The painter wrote that down and went to the window and opened it, he yelled "GREEN SIDE UP." Finally the woman asked, "why do you keep yelling that out the window?" "I'm sorry," he replied, "but I have a crew of blondes laying sod across the street.
Submitted by Ginsing
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There was a fire at the blond's house and she decided to call 911. So she call's 911 all upset and crying " You have to come over and help me my house is on fire." The fireman says "Ok, lady calm down, How do we get there?" The blond states " DUH?? The BIG RED TRUCK.
Submitted by de blonde
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There were three people traped on an island: a blond,a brunette,and a redhead.
The redhead looked across the water and estimates the distance to be about 20 miles, so she announces that she is going to try to swim across. She swims 5 miles and gets tired. She swims 5 more before she gets to tired and drowns.
The brunette thinks to herself, "I wonder if I can make it." Out loud she says, "I guess it's better than staying here to starve." So she tries to swim out. She has more endurance than the redhead and she swims 10 miles before she's even tires. She swims 5 more before she drowns.
The blond says, "I wonder if they made it? I guess I better try." So she swims 5,10,19 miles! Just 1 mile from shore she says, "I'm just too tired!" So she turns around and swims back.
Submitted by bf's
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Q. HOW DID THE BLONDE ALMOST DIE?
A. SHE WAS RIDING A HORSE AND SHE STARTED TO HIT HER HEAD ON THE GROUND SO THE K-MART MANAGER SHUT OFF THE MERRY-GO-ROUND.
Submitted by Peppy Cheerleader
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Why does a blonde drive a BMW?
Cuz she can spell it...
Submitted by Sven "Joker" Jacobs
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A Blond goes to a company party and wins a thermos for the doorprize. she asks her co-worker, "What's a thermos?"
He says "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."
"Oh!" The next day at work, she brings it with her. Her boss, who is also a blond, says "What's that?"
The Blond says "It's a thermos." Her boss asks her, "What's that?"
She says "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." Her boss asks her, "What do you have in it?"
The blond says, "Two cups of coffee and a pop-sickle."
Submitted by Missy
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Q:What do you call a blonde holding a balloon
A:Siamese twins
Submitted by Road Dog
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How Do You Confuse A Dumd Blond?
Put Her In A Room Shaped Like A Circle And Say Go Sit In The Corner..
Whats The Difference Between A Dumb Blond And A Dead Shunk On The Road?
The Skunk Has Skid Marks In Front Of It..
Submitted by King Shawn
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A blonde and a brunette were walking through the wood when they found a set of tracks. The blonde said "Look at those deer tracks." The brunette said "those aren't deer tracks. They are moose tracks." They were still arguing about it two hours later when the train hit them.
Submitted by bald as a cue ball
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Why didn't the blonde change her babys diaper for a month?
Because the package said good for up to one month.
Submitted by Brewdog
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A blonde was walking on the opposite of the river from a brunette.
The brunette yells across to the blonde, "Hey, how do I get to the other side?"
The blonde hesitates, looks back and replies, "You ARE on the other side!"
Submitted by Barbie "Barbwire"
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How is a blonde like a a bottle?
They're both empty from the neck up
Submitted by smart blonde
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A blonde is at the library, she opens a book and says "what are these funny markings on the paper?"
The librarian says, "Words."
Blonde: do you have any picture books?
Librarian: Why?
Blonde: I can't tell what the "w u r d s" mean.
Librarian: Oh, well we have the children books.
Blonde: No.
Librarian: We have books with pictures of guys.
Blonde: All I have to do to see guys is flip up my mini skirt and wait for a while and they come to my door.
Submitted by Jason R.007
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What's the difference between a Doberman pinscher and a blonde with PMS?
Lipstick.
Submitted by
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1 night at a local bar a brunett,a redhead,and a blonde walked in and ordered a drink.The readhead walked in and asked the bartender"Can I have an rw?"The bartender asked "What the hell is an rw?"she replyed"Red Wine,DUH."So she drank and left.Then the brunette walked in and ordered a ww.The bartender asked what that was and she replyed "DUH White Wine."Then the blonde walked in and ordered a 15 .The bartender asked what that was and she replyed "Duh a 7 and 7!
Submitted by nyboy86
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A blonde goes in to apply for a job and she fills out an application. She takes it up to the man and he says you forgot three blanks. He asks how old are you, so she counts on her fingers and finaly reaches 22, okay then how tall are you so she tries to messure herself she says 5'2, okay then what is your name, she nodes her head back and forth for a few seconds and says Jenifer. He said, "Okay I get how you got your age and your height, but how you you get your name by noding your head back and forth?" She replies, "I was singing 'Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday to you, Happy Birthday dear Jenifer...'"
Submitted by peppy
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Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: Set her down at a Macintosh computer, and tell her to right click on something.
Submitted by Spike
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Q:How did the blonde die while drinking milk?
A:The cow fell on her.
Submitted by nolan
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Q: Why did the blonde tip toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: Because she didn't want to wake up the sleeping pills.
Submitted by Marta Komadowski
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There were a blonde and a brunette driving and the brunette goes to the blonde, "Go check my blinker!"
"Does it work?"
Blonde:
"Yes"
"No"
"Yes"
"No"
Submitted by Nehcterg
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There was a blonde who walked into a hair salon to get her hair done. she said to the man "Please, I would like you to perm my hair, I'm getting sick of it!" "Alright ma'm said the hair dresser, "but I need you to take off your headphones first"
"No I can said the blonde "I have to keep them on" "Fine said the man. So he did the perm then the lady left. About two months later, the lady comes back in asking for her hair to be highlighed. The man said okay but she would have to take off the headphones. But she insisted that she keep them on.
The man did her hair then put her under the dryer. About 10 minutes later, she was fast asleep. The man was curious as to why the headphones were so important. So he took them off her head and she stoped breathing. He put the headphones on and the tape said "Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in breathe out...."
Submitted by Mackenzie
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Three Blondes sitting at a bar. The were all chanting over and over "51 days...yes....51 days"...They were all so happy with each other. The bartender was starting to become a bit curios when this occured for quite a period of time.
He asked "You have been sitting here for 3 hours and all you say is 51 days...tell me why would three young ladies be sitting at a bar chanting 51 days ?"
"Well," replied on the girls, "today we completed a jigsaw puzzle that took us 51 days"
"So!" replied the bartender.
"Well...on the box it says 3 - 5 years !"
Submitted by Amy
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How can you tell if a blonde is having a bad day??
She can't find her pencil and her tampon is behind her ear!
Submitted by Alyak
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Q: How do you know that a fax came from a blonde??
A: There is a stamp on it.
Submitted by Maria
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A blonde walks up to a Coke machine and puts in a coin. Out pops a Coke. The blonde looks amazed and runs away to get some more coins. She returns and starts feeding the machine madly and of course the machine keeps feeding out drinks.
Another person walks up behind the blonde and watches her antics for a few minutes before stopping and her and asking if someone else could have a go. The blonde spins around and shouts: "Can't you see I'm winning?!"
Submitted by Wizard 0411
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What do you do if a blond throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back!
Submitted by James
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Q: One day the Social Studies teacher asked a blonde to name all the capitals in the United States Of America.
A: The blonde said easy U.S.A.
Submitted by K.L.F & D.A.R.
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Q. What does a U.F.O and an intellegent blonde have in common?
A. You always hear about them... but you never see them!
Submitted by EDJ
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What is it when you hear this:
vroom. screach. vroom. screach. vroom. screach.?
A blonde at a blinking stoplight.
Submitted by Heather
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Why did the blonde put lipstick on her forehead?
She was trying to make up her mind!!!
Submitted by Ace
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A blonde was going to Paris and she had a coach seat. When she got on the plane she sat in first class. A stewardess came and told her to go into coach she said she didn't have to. Another stewardess came and said if she didn't go in coach she would get the co-pilot. She said she wouldn't move. The co-pilot came and whispered something in her ear and she got up and went to coach. The other two asked how he did it and he said he told her this part of the plane wasn't going to Paris.
Submitted by Nick
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BLOND INVENTIONS
1. The solar power flashlight
2. Dehydrated water
3. Fireproof matches
Submitted by HAPPY:o)
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How do you get a one armed blonde out of a tree?
Wave to her.
What was she doing there in the first place?
Raking leaves
How do you make a group of blonde's commit mass suicide?
Put mirrors at the bottom of a pool.
Submitted by Kellogg Krew
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Q. How many blondes does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Who knows it has never been done!!!!!!!
Submitted by P.O.'d Brunnetts
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Fifteen minutes into the flight from Kansas City to Toronto, the captain announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left."
Thirty minutes later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and the flight will take an additional two hours. But don't worry ... we can fly just fine on two engines."
An hour later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and our arrival will be delayed another three hours. But don't worry ... we still have one engine left."
A young blonde passenger turned to the man in the next seat and remarked, "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day!"
Submitted by Hugh
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There were three blondes: Mindy, the smartest, Lindy, semi-smart and Candy, really dumb. They were spies. They were in Russia when they got caught. At Mindy's execution they said: any last words. So she said tornado,tornado! The soldiers left and Mindy went home.
On lindy's execution day they said the same thing and she said hurricane, hurricane! Lindy joined Mindy back home.
On Candy's execution day they also said the same thing and she answered: fire,fire! so they fired and killed her!
Submitted by Allie
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Q:Why did the blonde throw a puppy on a bun & in the microwave?
A:She wanted a hotdog.
Submitted by Krovak
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A blonde and a brunette are sitting in a bar and watching the 11:00 P.M. news. A man is standing on the ledge of a high-rise building, contemplating suicide.
The brunette says to the blonde: "I'll bet you $20.00 that the man jumps off that building and commits suicide."
The blonde thinks for a moment then replies: "OK, you're on!"
They watch for a few minutes and sure enough, the man jumps off the ledge. The blonde sighs and reaches for her wallet, but the brunette stops her, saying: "I can't take your money - I feel too guilty. I have to confess that I watched the 6:00 P.M. news this evening and I knew that the man would jump.
The blonde replied: "Oh! I watched the 6:00 P.M. news too, but I didn't think he'd jump off again!"
Submitted by INTELLIGENT BLONDE
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Q)What did the blonde do when she broke her tuperware?
A) Called the plastic surgeon.
Submitted by Jered
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Bored and Blonde? Go to the mall !!
Walk up to two people sitting a bench and say, "I'm a Doctor, I need to know what time it is." After one tells you, turn to the other and say, "Would you be willing to give ME a second opinion on THAT?"
Stop at the Athletic Shoe Store, and ask the clerk, "What is the largest size of men's basketball shoes you carry?" Then, ask him sheepishly, "Could I leave my card, and a note for whoever buys them?"
Wearing a walkman, head into Radio Shack and tell them, "Today, I'm looking for a shack."
Ask the clerk at Fanny Farmer to see either one, and mumble something about false advertising on the way out.
Stand in front of a Victoria's Secret show window with a clipboard. Stop various men, point to a really skimpy item, and ask, "If I was willing to model that for you, would you buy it for me?"
Go into the Armed Services Recruiting Office, and ask if you could set up a desk - just to talk to the rejects.
In the Athletic Wear Store, ask the clerk a question about a particular sweat suit, like, "How much sweat do you think this one will this soak up if I'm really HOT?"
Go into the Earring Store and ask if they pierce other places, like nipples. If they say yes, tell them, "I'll be right back, I just need to go out to the car and get my pregnant pit bull."
Walk into the Jewelry Store, and while unbuttoning your blouse, ask loudly, "How many varieties of nipple rings do you carry?"
In the Sports Collectibles Store, ask, "Do you have nude autographed photos of Dennis Rodman?" If not, ask "Would you take some on consignment?"
Ask the security guard why the "Seeing Eye Dogs Only" sign isn't printed in braille. And, "If I'm not blind, but I brought along my sister's Seeing Eye Dog, would that be OK?"
In the Barbeque Grill Store, ask the clerk if he's got a small one, because, "I'm on my way to the movies and think the concession stand choices are too limited."
The Warner Brothers Store will appreciate you walking in, and asking questions in your best, "P-P-Porky P-P-Pig V-V-Voice."
The Disney Store may wonder whether you are a little too old if you walk in without children, ask for a Mouseketeer Application, and say, "I've been looking for an autographed pair of Cubby's shorts!"
On a really smooth area of the mall floor, while wearing your old leather-soled slippers, clasp your hands behind your back and walk-slide like you are ice skating.
In the Formal Wear Store, ask, "Do you rent tuxedos for funerals?" Then ask, "How do you get them back?"
In the Linen Department, ask, "Do you have Turkish Towels - from Turkey?"
At the Hamburger Stand, ask, "Are the hamburgers are made of real ham?" And, like, "Why do they go all the way to France to get fries?"
In the Music Store, ask for a CD of "***** Spirituals Played As Duets On The Accordian By Buddhist Monks."
In the Auto Department, ask, "Do I really need to bring the car in to take advantage of the oil change special, fellas?"
The Card Store clerk will appreciate the question, "What kind of card do you recommend for the terminallly ill?"
Ask the Travel Agent what a round trip to Anchorage would cost, with a stop-over in Fargo. After ten or fifteen minutes, stand up and say, "I've changed my mind, I think I'll winter in my own home town," and leave.
In the Cutlery Store, point to a particluar knife, then ask, "Is this like the one Norman Bates used?" Smile broadly, and ask the clerk, "By the way, are YOU single?"
Over at the Garden Department, ask, "Do you have any of those Half-Bathtubs used as a surround for religious statues?"
In the Swim Suit Department, tell them you are concerned this suit might shrink, but you really like it. Then ask, "If I filled my pool with Dry Ice, could I swim without getting wet?"
Go into the Piano Store, and ask, "If I bought one for Christmas, could you wrap it up so I can't remember what it is when you deliver it?"
Walk into the Cinnamon Bun store, and tell them, "I really like the taste, but I'm wondering if there isn't a way to get one without that awful smell?"
In Starbucks Coffee, order some coffee ice cream.
At Taco Bell, ask them, "Which way is the border?" Then run.
In the Shoe Repair Store, ask if they have anything unclaimed in a man's size 9, and, if they do, ask, "What would you take for just the left one?"
At Christmas time, wait in the line to have "Kids Pictures Taken With Santa." When you reach the head of the line, look around frantically and start yelling, "Johnny, Johnny, where's my Johnny?" as you begin running around the mall.
Go into the Poster Store, and tell them, "I'm pretty sure you've hung a couple of the ones in the Modern Art section upside down."
Ask the Luggage Store clerk, "Geez, wouldn't it just be cheaper for me to mail my stuff to Cleveland?" Then, tell him, "Could I use the dressing room to see whether my clothes will all fit into this one?"
At Mrs. See's Candies, strike up a an extremely detailed conversation about how eating chocolate made your face AND your back break out, and how much money you spent at the dermatologist over the years, not to mention the hours you spent washing blouses, but, you just can't seem to give it up.
In the Fishing Department, ask the clerk, "Is it OK to use a fish scaler on my heels and corns?" If you get a positive answer, begin to remove your shoes and pantyhose.
In the Men's Department, walk up to a total stranger, and ask him to model boxer shorts for you. When he goes into the dressing room, tell the department manager there is a man walking around in his underwear, and leave.
In the Mattress Department, ask the shyest male clerk to to lie on a mattress with you, both as close to the center as possible, and tell him, "There might be something in it for you, if I can get a discount."
Ask a salesperson in the hardware department at Sears, "Just how well do you think this chainsaw may cut through bone? And, by the way, are YOU single?"
Answer any unattended service phones you hear ringing in department stores by saying, "Domino's - please hold." Then, set the handset down, and walk away.
Try on flea collars at the pet store while occasionally pausing to scratch yourself. Also ask, "Are these are the only colors you have?"
Come back to the pet store a little later with one of those "invisible dog leashes." Ask the clerk to bring you a dog "that would fit." While waiting, teach the parrots on display "a few new words."
Wear your pink Nikes. At the bottom of an escalator, scream, "MY SHOELACES! AAAUUGH!"
Show department store clerks your driver's license when your hair was still brown, and demand to know, "Have you seen this woman here, today?"
Place plastic vomit on several tables in the Food Court. Stagger around with one hand clamped over your mouth, and one clenching your stomach. This often changes male fantasies about blondes.
Walk over to the coin fountain, splash water on your face, pick up a penny, and yell, "Look what I found! It must be my lucky day!"
Submitted by The Undertaker
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Every time this blonde touched her shoulder, it hurt. Every time she touch her thigh, it hurt. Everywhere she touched with her finger it hurt!
So she went to the doctor and asked what is the matter.
The docter asked if she was a natural blonde and she said yes. The doctor stated to the blonde that she had a broken finger.
Submitted by Diana
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Ok, there's this blonde who wants to buy a TV, so she goes down to the electronics store and tells the salesman, "Sir, I want to buy this TV." And the salesman goes, "We don't sell to blondes."
So she goes home and dies her hair brown. The next day she comes back, and says to the salesman. "Sir, I want to buy this TV." The salesman says, "I'm sorry, we don't sell to blondes."
So she goes back home and shaves off her hair and puts on a baseball cap. Later that day she goes back to the electronics store. Once more she says, "Sir, I am going to buy this TV." This time the salesman says, "Look ma'm, I told you, we can't sell to blondes!" The blonde says, "Gosh, I dyed my hair then shaved it! How do you know I am a blonde?"
The salesman: "This is a microwave."
Q: What is 500 ft. long and has an IQ of 40?
A: A blonde parade!
Submitted by JAP
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Q) Whats the difference between a blonde and a 747?
A) Not everyone has been inside a 747
Submitted by Matt Smith
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A man is standing in the street saying 19,19,19,19.
Then this blonde comes and asks him what he is doing he doesn't answer he just keeps saying 19,19,19,19.
So the blonde says well I guess I'll join you. So now there both saying 19,19,19,19.
Then this huge semi comes by and just runs over the blonde.
Then the man starts saying 20,20,20,20.
Submitted by The Anti-Blonde
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Q: Why did the blonde smile everytime there was a flash of lightning?
A: She though someone was taking her picture.
Submitted by Viper
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Q: Why do Blondes wear Pony-Tails?
A: To hide the Air Valve!
Submitted by Matt Smith
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A blonde and a brunette are walking down the street. The brunette says, "Look, a dead bird."
The blonde looks up and says, "Where!!"
Submitted by Cameron
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Two blondes were driving through Louisiana. As they were approaching Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch.
As they stood at the counter, one blonde asked the manager, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are,...very slowly?"
The manager leaned over the counter and said, "Burrrrrrrr- gerrrrrrr Kiiiiing.
Submitted by David Grant
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Q: What goes blonde.....brunette....blonde....
A: A blonde doing a cartwheel.
Submitted by Cherry
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Q: What do you call a pimple on a Blonde's butt?
A: Brain Tumor
Q: What's the advantage of marrying a blonde?
A: You get to park in the handicapped zone.
Submitted by Greg
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Q. How do you confuse a blonde?
A. Put her in a round room and tell her to pee in the corner.
Q. What to you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear?
A. A wind tunnel
Q. What do you call 4 blondes lying next to each other?
A. An air-matteress
Submitted by Funny Man
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Q. How do you drown a blonde?
A. Put a scratch and sniff sticker on the bottom of a pool.
Submitted by Fudge Monkey
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Q: What do you call a blond at the bottom of a pool?
A: An air bubble
Submitted by Jes
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There are 3 women who are in the army; A Blonde, Brunette and Redhead and their general asks them if they went into the desert and could only take one thing, what would it be?
Well the Brunetter says I would take an umbrella so I wont get hot. The General says ok that is good.
The Redhead says I would take a watermellon because I could eat it and drink the juices on it too. The General says ok that is good.
Then he asks the Blonde what she would take and she says " I would take a car door" The General says, "Why in the heck would you take a car door??"
The Blonde says, "So if I get hot I can roll down the window."
Submitted by Acid Monkey
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Q: How do you kill a blonde?
A: Put spikes on her shoulder pads!
Q: What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer?
A: Frosted flakes!
Q: How do blonde braincells die?
A: Alone!
Q: Why do blondes shoes say TGIF?
A: Toes go in first!
Q: Have you heard about the new shirts made just for blondes?
A: They come with an instruction manual. LEFT ARM,RIGHT ARM, HEAD,FRONT,BACK.
Two blondes are observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their BMW.
Blonde #1: I cant seem to get this door unlocked.
Blonde #2: Well, you better hurry up. It's starting to rain and the top is down!
Submitted by w.z
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Q: How does a blonde kill a bird?
A: Throws it off a building
There is a blonde and a brunette that want to commit suicide, so they climb up the Eiffel tower. The brunette jumps off, and the blonde goes to somebody and asks how do you get down.
Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
A: Gifted!
Submitted by M.M
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Q. What do you call a dead blonde in a closet?
A. Last year's hide and seek winner.
Submitted by ck scotty
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Q: What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
A: I wonder if it's mine!
Submitted by Brian B.
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Q. Why can't blondes make Kool-Aid?
A. Because they can't figure out how to fit 2 quarts of water into that little package.
Submitted by Joe Mom
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Q. How do you make a dumb blonde laugh on Thursday?
A. Tell her a joke on Tuesday!
Submitted by Pup
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Q. How do you make a blonde's eye twinkle?
A. Shine a flashlight in her ear.
Submitted by Jawn H.
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Q. There are three girls, all in grade 3: one a brunette, one a redhead, and one blonde. Which one of them has the best body?
A. The blonde, because she's 19.
Submitted by Jess
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Two blondes went to the market. While they were there, the each bought a horse. When they got home, they discussed how to tell their horses apart. They decided to cut the tail off of one. That worked for a while, but soon the tail grew back, so they decided that they would break one of the horses' legs. One of the blondes said, "Which of the horses should we break the leg off of, the brown one or the white one?"
Submitted by Alissa
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Q. How do you measure a blonde's I.Q.?
A. With a tire gauge.
Submitted by Me
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Q. What do you call two blondes behind a steering wheel?
A. Dual Airbags
Submitted by Joshua D-H
2006-10-02 12:24:49 · answer #10 · answered by Matthew D 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋