Are my reasons for wanting to be a mother wrong?

Question

My husband and I have been together for 5 years and married for 2.

I am 24 and he is 26.

We have been talking about having our first baby for about a year now.

My mother and I have always had a rocky relationship and this year I finally put my foot down and distanced myself from her.

Since then my desire to be a mother has gotten worse than before, I want a child of my own that I can give all the things my mother never gave me (love, respect, etc.)

My husband and I want a family of our own and are financially, emotionally and mentally ready.

Sometimes I feel when I have a child I can fill a hole in my heart that my mother has caused by not being a crappy mother.

My grandma was verbally and emotionally abusive to my mom, and I know I can stop the cycle!

I have been to a therapist for about a year and he said I am well adjusted and seem like I would be a good mother.

I want a baby most because I love my husband and want to share something amazing with him.

Answer 1

I think you're ready and I think your reasons are valid.

I can somewhat relate. I have two boys and I've always only wanted boys. I never wanted to have a daughter. Why? Because my relationship with my own parents was rocky, especially that with my mom. I just did not feel that I could be a good mom to a little girl giving what I grew up with. When I was pregnant with my second child and we found out it was a boy I had to listen to my mom tell me how she never wanted girls. She always wanted boys. Again, I had to hear how i was a disappointment because I was never what she wanted.

This year things got really bad with my family. I suddenly realized I do want a daughter. I want a little girl who I can have a great relationship with. I will never make her feel like less of a person because she is a girl instead of a boy. I'll take her feelings seriously. I'll do the mom and daughter stuff like shopping and lunch. My friends all did that with their moms. I never got to do that with mine. She never wanted to spend time with me.

So, we started looking into adoption. I wanted a daughter but wasn't sure I wanted to go through pregnancy again. My first two were c-sections. But suddenly I found myself pregnant. I'm now 18 weeks. I'm hoping the universe decided I should have that little girl. We'll find out soon. If it is a boy I'll be thrilled and we'll still look into adopting. I just want to be a mom and provide a loving home for those who otherwise wouldn't have one. Instead of crying about what I didn't have I can make sure others do have it. That sounds like what you're trying to do too. Good for you!!

Good luck!

Answer 2

If it were that easy! I`m sorry, what you wrote all sounds great and I wish you the best of luck, but (yes, there is a but) don`t think it will be a walk in the park. You don`t know you are emotionally ready to have a child until you have had that child. There will always be times where you don`t know what to do and yell at your child for something or she is not listening or what have you. You have to just not get discouraged. Maybe you need some counseling to deal with all these emotions.
Good luck!

Answer 3

I know a wonderful woman that had a baby so that she would have someone that loves her unconditionally and that she could do the same for. Her mother could be quite cruel when she was growing up. She is an awsome mother of an 18 year old son and a 12 year old daughter. There are many many reasons to be a mommy. Not all of them are the greatest of reasons, but rest assured, they are good ones. You'll be just fine. Yes, You Can Break The Cycle!!!

Answer 4

I guess those reasons are as good as any--and better than some. I'm glad that you are seeing a therapist (I wish I could afford one!) but you have to remember that it is very hard to break the cycle. I think my grandmother was also verbally and emotionally abusive to my mom. My mother didn't do exactly the same things to me, but she did some things. It's a very difficult thing to change. I am trying hard not to do it, but I wonder....I think the best thing to do is to be on the alert about it. Instead of thinking, "I will never do those things to my child," maybe "I might do the same things to my child if I'm not careful" is a better way to look at it. That way, you WILL be more careful. Good luck!

Answer 5

If you love your husband and you are both mentally, financially, and physically ready to have a child, then I see absolutely no reason not too. Don't worry too much about being a good mother. You sound as though you have your head on straight and can give a child a good start in life as well as lots of love. GOOD LUCK!!!

Answer 6

You sound like you are mature and responsible and have taken all the steps to make sure that you can break the cycle of abuse and neglect. I just want to say something to you Good Luck get off the computer and you two start trying to bring a wonderful little life into this world. There is nothing better.

Answer 7

While some of the reasons might be questionable, they don't seem to be the main reason you want children. You said you want to share something amazing with your husband, you love him etc those are all great reasons. As long as you're not doing it just to prove you can be a better mom than your was to you then no your reasons aren't wrong at all. It's great that you are confident enough to know you'd be a great mom! I say go for it!!

Answer 8

I wish you and your husband the very very best. Your reasons are right on. Your child already has so much going for them with parents that want them so badly. You are going to be a great mother and you are going to love it. I have 3 and they are the lights of my life. Good Luck!!!

Answer 9

Well your last reason is good, but the other ones suck. Just be very careful and don't stop therapy yet. Having a baby brings out all sorts of crap from ones past. Even the stuff you think you are over.

Good luck.

Answer 10

Stop the cycle, start a family of your own and change tradition. I pray you won't transfer any of those scars to your children. Improve your life, you have a husband, you will have children, the past will dim and the future will be oh so promising. Step out on faith and everything will fall into place. CONTINUE TO BE BLESSED.