Person with Asperger's syndrome: fit in with other people and/or just live with it?

Question

At what age or mental developmental stage would it be appropriate for a person with Asperger's to switch from a "fit in with peers" mentality to a "proud to be oneself" mentality? Some argue that children with Asperger's should undergo therapy and other forms of intervention, to help them establish a "normal" life and future. In other words, the intervention helps the children to appear rather "normal." However, adults who never had this kind of intervention and still have problems in most social situations... should these adults still try to learn the social behaviors to appear normal, or should they instead focus on accepting the mildly autistic individual that he or she is? Or a mixture of both? Please explain.

I think every person needs to accept who he or she is at all ages and stages in life, but there is a lack of info about adults with Asperger's, and life as an adult with Asperger's is hard enough as it is without any form of support. Thank you for your responses! :)

BlueJuliet and Dr. Max:
Your arguments make sense, there is an important distiction to be made between acting totally "normal" and learning enough to "get by" in a social situation. I think that the point I wanted to emphasize, however, is what an adult with Asperger's should do if the adult has relatively little interaction with others, if he has not learned even how to get by in most social situations. Even worse, what if the adult is like that and wants to fit in, to be normal? The fundamental issues here seem to be with acceptance. What if the person struggles with just figuring out how to "get by"? Would it be helpful to the adult to aspire constantly to be like others, to fit in? It makes me wonder if it's even worth it to do that, considering that things constantly change, and any person who is always trying to fit in will be struggling to fit in for the rest of his life. Is it beneficial to encourage a person to keep doing that?

Answer 1

I think the focus is not so much on "being normal," but on being able to function normally in society. That doesn't mean the person can't be themselves. Addressing problems with difficulty in social situations is one thing, but "acting normal" is a different thing altogether. People with Asperger's can achieve success in social situations, while at the same time being themselves. That's one reason for mainstreaming children with this syndrome at an early age; they become comfortable being themselves in social situations.

Answer 2

I am a foster mother to a child with Asperger's and I wonder everyday that even with "intervention" as you call it this child, Alex, will still have problems in most social situations. I'm not sure that Alex will ever make it in real world but that doesn't mean we should stop teaching him how to cope.

So I guess I am saying a mixture of both. We need to accept the fact that Asperger's will not go away and that a "normal" life and future is unlikely but it doesn't mean that we stop trying.

Alex was molested before he came to foster care and then again in my home by another foster child. I don't know that Alex can learn the right social behavior but I cannot stop trying to teach him to protect himself.

Answer 3

There is a wonderful book about the search for 'acceptance' by a woman with Aspergers

"Song of the Gorrilla People."

Each aspergers person is different, adn what works for one will not work for another. There are aspergers support groups both on line and all over the world- in these individuals can come to terms with what they want and if they choose, learn social skills to 'pass'

Aceptance of ones self is hard if you are different, and this society is not very accepting of someone with aspergers.

What's normal anyway :)

Answer 4

I am a person with Asperger's. I've been going through the same dilemma. I am 22 years old and I was 'taught' how to act normal during my childhood in order to make it through school. It worked to an extent but it would exhaust me and it made everyday feel like a constant battle against myself. I found it such a struggle that I attempted suicide. Since then I don't do anything. My family let me live at home doing nothing, just being myself. For me that's acceptance of who I am.

Answer 5

I think BlueJulie should say as "normal as possible". Also, I think there should be more input from adults with this thing called Asperger's Syndrome. I am one of them, but what I really want to know is: How many other adults live like this?