What steps can I take to trust my mate again?

Question

I have been with my boyfriend for 2 1/2 years now and we have two beautiful little girls together. When we first met everything was great of course. Now our relationship is on the rocks. I have a hard time trusting him. The reason for that is everytime we get in a big fight he leaves and he trys to retaliate against me by our argument by talking to girls it happened twice to my knowledge. The first time I was supposed to go to a club with him and his friends cause we were celebrating his friends birthday and we got into a huge argument so I didn't go but, he did. And the next day I checked his phone and I found a girls number in his phone and I called her and she told me they just danced but, nothing happened. So I confronted him about it he denied it at first then later told me the truth about it. But, I am really concerned I love this man so much when he leaves me for one single second I can't breathe. The 2nd time is his ex hit him up on myspace and he responded back to her

Answer 1

sounds to me that your jealousies might drive him away. Lighten up, just because he talks to another girl, doesn't mean he's cheating.

Answer 2

Well, the best thing is to avoid the common topics that you guys argue about. By now, you should know what ticks him off, just stay away from it. Even if you do end up arguing, don't take either or sides, find some common ground to agree on, even if you don't believe it wholeheartedly, at least it will calm the situation down. Try saying stuff like, "yes, that can be true in some instances," or "I can kind of see what you are saying, but..." It also seems that maybe you two need to spice up your romance, try doing something fun together. You could try traveling, skydiving, scuba diving, anything that could get the adrenaline going. Or you could just offer yourself to him, though it would be a little degrading, but it might work, it depends on how much you want to save this relationship.

Answer 3

Ok, he does not know how to deal with drama. Maybe immature, maybe such drama turns him off to you and he looks for attention somewhere else. I feel like a little of both. First thing, I trust he is fully committed to your two daughters, because that is most important, whatever happens between you two. On the rocks...according to you, him, both of you, or a third-party observer? The club thing is only really bad because he lied, you go dancing, you are bound to dance with other people, maybe I am progressive; after all, it was for a party. The ex on MySpace, it is a social networking site. People communicate and I am friends with all my ex's, though I am not sleeping with them; yes I do hang out with the ones that live in San Francisco, one is even getting married later this month. I am looking forward to the wedding. I think what is important is that there needs to be some kind of tete-a-tete with him to find out what the deal is. Clearly he looks for attention elsewhere, thats bad because it happens when things are rough, and it seems like it is done out of immaturity. I mean is he 80% of the time okay? Remember the club is only bad because he lied, and the MySpace is nothing. But I do feel these things could be signs of him not feeling as strong about your relationship as you feel. Talk to him but don't scare him. Tell him something like, I am concerned that things might not be as strong as they used to be. How can WE work on this? Remember this will only work if he feels it is worth it. OPen dialogue is important. Maybe, instead of saying something upfront, plan an overnight trip somwhere thhat you BOTH will enjoy, maybe something nostalgic. You need to find out if he is willing to work on the relationship before you scare him. Scaring him maybe will make him do something foolish.

Answer 4

Take a realistic look at your situation. If you have an argument, he takes off and he's maintaining a profile on MySpace. Those two things tell me this guy is not serious about a long term, meaningful relationship.

Answer 5

Whatever you do don't do the same thing back to him. It will make him think that it is okay, and the cycle will perpetuate. Tell him how hurt you are that he would do something like that to someone he claims to love so much. If that fails, you need to ask yourself how healthy it is to let you and your kids go through this?? Splits aren't good for kids, but neither is the emotional baggage that comes with a bad relationship. I hope this helps.

Answer 6

Check it out i hate to say this but you cant trust him. You will always in the back of your mind have those thoughts of him doing different things in senarios you make up in your head. You will never be able to compleatly trust him no matter how much you try and convence yourself or him. I am not trying to be a prick here but thats what i know from personal experence

Answer 7

Sounds like you are suffocating him and he is rebelling. It's hard but if you don't back off, he will be gone. He just talked and danced for goodness sake. I would venture the only reason he denied it was because he was frightened of world war 3. You can't love someone by choking them, not for long anyway.

Answer 8

You asked, "What steps can I take.....". The fact is, it is not up to you to take any steps to trust him again. It is up to HIM to re-earn your respect by behaving in a 'respectable' way. You have to decide whether you can 'breathe' with him like he is or hold your breath until he re-earns your respect, which may take some time (if it ever happens at all).

Answer 9

Why would you trust him ?? He has proven he cant be trusted. If I was you I would continue to keep the guard up. And now that he knows he can do it and you'll still be there doesn't help the situation any.

Answer 10

and they lived thankfully ever after.....no longer! as a lot because it might want to damage, its time to set the vulture free. he's in elementary words using the arguements as an excuse to bypass out and cheat... definite even with what he says... i'm sensible he cheated....do not waste some time...dump him. and then.... there are a variety of of respectable adult males available that would want to manage you with the recognize you deserve. bypass locate one....